Hi , just had visitors , now they have left , I feel more lonely than ever. It was nice to hear their news and how life is going good for them . I couldn’t really bring much to the conversation . My life is lonely , boring , and to put it harshly very dead. It made me think , is it worth having visitors , as it only made me feel so down . Maybe I should just become a hermit .! X
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I know what you mean - can ignore how much things have changed you, when you’re in your bubble and follow your routine
As soon as it’s a social meet outside of the new norm, it becomes very apparent how much life has changed in all aspects and just don’t fit into this world anymore 
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It’s not good,but that’s me too.I feel worse when I have been with people especially visitors it makes me feel so alone they are talking about us and we and I’m just me and I after been a couple for 38 years it’s horrible.
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I think there should be a place, people could go to who have lost their partners . A sort of retreat , where you don’t have to put an act on or listen to how good a NORMAL person’s life is . I feel like I’m damaged goods now .
I don’t mean no harm on normal people , they deserve their happy life . It’s just so sad that I don’t have one now , can’t see it ever changing either , my husband was my life x
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It’s so bloody hard when you are use to being a couple . And then there is only you left . I hate every Friday when I finish work and everyone’s saying have a nice weekend , they are all going home to their partners .I’m going to a house without my husband there. Then on a Monday . Did you have a nice weekend . I don’t have a nice anything now . Sorry for rant , only just stopped crying and now feel so angry with this unfair world X
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@Broken2222 yes I often feel like that after I have had visitors. Also when it’s people I haven’t seen much of over the years and now here they are in my living room it adds to the downright weirdness of it all - agree, sometimes becoming a hermit sounds like the better option.
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Oh my dear @Broken2222 
That’s exactly how I feel about those weekend messages!!
And all said in such a cheery way …,
and now I’m going to be really controversial, but also now increasingly said in a bit of bullying way… With an emphasis on HAVE a nice weekend ’ like it’s an order, and with assumptions it’s been long enough now… So no reason why not to have a nice weekend… ( Sorry perhaps that’s really uncharitable)
And on Monday I hate the question ‘did you have a good weekend?’ even more, do I tell the truth and say ,
“what do you think? No, it was without Phil, so it was s**t! "
Or do I just say " it was okay”
Usually I just say it was okay, because it’s too exhausting to tell the truth.
The downside is when you say it was okay, you get the reply "oh that’s good to hear "
How is it that now “okay” seems to be seen as a positive???!!!
But before if you described a weekend as only okay, people would assume it hadn’t been very good.
Love hugs and strength to all of you on hear who understand
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Hey not uncharitable at all . That’s how it makes us feel . Sometimes I feel like a leper, especially when I mention my husband ( what I do a lot ) and they try and change the subject . But what else have I got to talk about ! I was always the one that made them laugh , with my funny remarks . But all the fun has been sucked out of me . My husband made me the person I was . Happy , funny , loved life . Now I’m just like an empty shell . And any emotion I have is negative … I will have to listen more carefully on Friday when they say it . See if it sounds like an order. 
X
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Your so right , I couldn’t explain the feeling , but it is a sort of weirdness. This whole living without them is weird . I sometimes feel like a stranger to myself . This person that is devastated by the death of my husband. But I am still functioning ( only just ) x
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You have to let them have their happiness because it will happen to them one day. Dont think i will ever want to get close to anyone again because the pain is too much to bear when they are not there.
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@Broken2222
Know what you mean about feeling like an outcast.
And I work fully remotely - social skills were never my strongest suit at best of times, God knows how I’d manage if I had to go back to office now.
Easier to fake over a teams call - or have a “bad signal” when tired of bs
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In response to when visitors leave , and adding general social chat. I just can’t do it ! I’ve lost my social voice and half glass full optimism. I’ve realised that some things in a relationship are even invisible to those in it meaning I didn’t think about how much my husband plugged the holes in my glass as well as adding to it . Now everything leaks out . Social chat feels meaningless. .And this have a good weekend stuff quite honestly it’s not thought through at all is it.
It feels like your living in a different world from the non bereaved no wonder people feel their grief is invisible
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Grief makes us super sensitive to what others say. We are all wallowing in our own loss and misery that we forget the awkwardness of speaking to a grieving person from their perspective.
Its our grief, not theirs and i think its unfair to expect them to understand. They are just getting on with life and trying to treat us how they treat everyone else.
I was with my sons, their wives and my baby grandson yesterday. Pushing the pram, i could feel the tears rolling down my face wishing my wife was there to see the babies first teeth.
My boys thought i was a bit quiet and i replied that i feel like half of something. They told me yes , but you are 100% you and we love you.
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Hi @Plantman , everything you say is so true . I put on such an act with my kids . I don’t want them to feel my grief as well as the grief they are going through . I think it’s now we the bereaved have more empathy , and expect others to also feel this way , but how can they , it’s only when you lose the most special person in your life . That was lovely what your son’s said to you …yes I also feel like half a person . My husband took the best part of me with him . Xtake carex
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I agree, i also think its hard for them too. They probably worry aboit how to talk to you, they miss the person you once where. And , lets face it, there are no right words for them to use 
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I know that feeling went out with my son and his boys yesterday and suddenly I thought Leslie who has been gone three months would love this walk and the area almost started to cry but stopped as didn’t want to spoil the day it’s no one else’s grief only mine and people don’t know what to say I feel like I am a different person always as if something is constantly missing and I can’t find it and then I remember he’s not coming back .
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Absolutely I know how you feel
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Hi everyone I know exactly how you all feel and if I had a way to make you all feel better I would definitely make it happen. I’ve been living in my own now since last April when my beautiful lady passed away at 51. It has been hard to deal with and still have trouble sometimes crying and feeling is life really worth carrying on. I’ve loved my lady since we first set eyes on one another 41 years ago but we went our own way and didn’t see each other for a while as she got married and had two boys and I got married then 6 years ago we got together and lived a happy life with good times and rubbish times . I can’t talk about what happened without crying at the moment but here’s an idea for all of you. I suggest you all force yourselves to go on a lovely long walk anywhere and for about 30 mins to and hour because I’m finding it’s helping me . My mum lives on the coast so going for a walk in the countryside or on the beach will hopefully help you to feel a little better. I’m trying to get person to person counselling but finding it impossible . I’m hoping I’ve given you all a little help
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I agree I take my dog for a walk or go out somewhere just to get some normality if there is such a thing trying to move forward which is difficult when you feel half of you is missing but we have to if not for our self but for the ones we have lost as they wouldn’t want us to give up on life . 
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@Dave101 I would dearly love to go for a long walk but I have MS so walking is out of the question…we had just bought a mobility scooter which I hated using because people do stare but I decided I needed to swallow my pride and use it for the sake of my husband’s health, as my walking had slowed so had his. Can’t even put into the words the guilt I now feel as he died from a sudden cardiac arrest with no warning. The only solace I take is that there are lots of people who’s partners were fit and active and also had heart attacks, guess I’ll never know if my illness made him ill too but it was definitely something I used to worry about daily.
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