I lost my Husband, my Mum and my Home all in 2013. Since then every Christmas has been the same for our young Son and I. We stay at home on our own as our remaining “family” (My late Husband’s, as I was an only child and I had already lost my Dad several years before!) we have left don’t include us in their celebrations.
I still cry every day when I’m on my own. I miss my Husband and Mum so much! I have no one to talk to and didn’t think the one counselling session I had did any good.
I’ve become so bad lately I don’t want to do anything and everything has become too much effort! TBH If I didn’t have my Son to look after I would have taken my own life years ago! I’m still trying to pay off all our debts and don’t ever see this horrid life getting any better. To buy my Son Birthday or Christmas presents I have to default on my payments, which incurs more interest and fines! We’ve finally been given a permanent council flat to live in after years of being moved about to different emergency housing since losing our home in 2013. We were fortunately given a voucher for some paint, which I was extremely grateful for as the flat desperately needed a lick of paint just to made it look clean! However the flooring desperately needs replacing. It’s covered with patches of concrete from the builders prior to us moving in but I have been told it is up to me to obtain flooring, which I would love to do but I’m not working.
Everyday I wished it was me that had died and not my Husband as I had a very good life insurance which would have not only paid off our mortgage but all of our debts (credit cards and loans) and would have easily left my Husband with a lump sum so he could have reduced his working hours to take care of our Son. Plus my Husband’s family would have helped him with the care of our Son and not left him on his own to fend for himself like they have done with us!
No matter how much I clean this flat it still looks dirty because of the flooring. I just can’t be bothered anymore and don’t feel there is any point so I don’t. I am so down and I can’t ever see a way out of this awful life. I am disabled and my pain had as been getting worse. It now hurts even to walk about in the flat.
Will the crying ever stop? I don’t think I can take much more of this life!!!

Hi Frankie, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and your mum and that you are also struggling financially and feeling very isolated. You have had so much to deal with over the years, and it is understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. It sounds as though Christmas is a particularly tough time for you.

It is sad to read that life feels pointless and that you would have taken your own life if it wasn’t for your son. I’m glad that you’ve been able to share some of how you are feeling here, and I would really encourage you to reach out to other support services as well.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116
123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. It might be that you find counselling more helpful with a different counsellor. Sue Ryder also offers online bereavement counselling. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. Find out more and register: https://www.sueryder.org/counselling

Step Change can offer free advice on managing debt.

The Scope helpline can also offer support with benefits and other issues affecting disabled people.

You deserve care and support so please, Frankie, get in touch with one of these services.

If you ever feel you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

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sorry for the loss of your husband and dad.its so sad and sick to read that your not included by the family you have left.they sound like an heartless bunch to say the least.surely there must be someone who can help.i hope and pray you get much needed help.

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Hello Frankie, I am so sorry to hear about how unhappy you are but please don’t give up. Do get in touch with some of the organisations that Priscilla has mentioned. Have you tried to contact just one of your husbands relatives and tell them how unhappy you are, how in pain, surely one of them will put out a hand to help you. I know what it’s like to be deserted by family. My husband’s have not been in touch with me since he died a year ago even though I have written them friendly letters and have no idea why as we got on so well. But you have a young son to think of and this must mean something to them., he is their flesh and blood after all. Go on give it a try and see if they will help, you are so unhappy you have nothing to lose, you might be pleasantly surprised.
Keep in touch with this forum we all understand and will give you support.
All the best to you and your son. xxxx

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Dear Priscilla,
Thank you ever so much for your kind words and for all the information on how and where I can obtain help. It warmed me inside just reading your lovely message knowing that there is help out there! For so long I have been suffering in silence, just trying to get through each day just for my Son’s sake!
As suggested by Pattidot, I did try to contact my Husband’s family to ask if they had any input/requests for the funeral but they didn’t even call me back! I continued to try throughout the year but never heard from anyone! For what ever reason they don’t want anything to do with me or their Grandson/Nephew which I personally think is the lowest of the low! Well I tried but I shall not be waisting any more of my time or energy on them anymore!
Thanks again to everyone who sent me a message, your kind words melted me to my very core!

Thank you so very much!


My God Frankie what is the matter with people. That your husbands family would turn away from their own grandson, your right the lowest of the low, but then there are so many people out there with the same attitude as we have heard from people on this forum.
I know how you feel I had exactly the same response from my husbands family, including his two daughters. I tried, but received no reply. I didn’t beg but I did ask that we could grieve for their father together. I didn’t want to be a burden to any of them. We never had a cross word so I have no idea what is the matter with them. Except that they wasn’t mentioned in his will. But in your case you have a little boy and his family have not offered to help. Be strong and now show them that you can cope without these selfish people. Remember you are not alone so keep on this forum.
Pat xxx

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Hi Pat,
Thanks again for all your kind words! In fact all of the messages I have received today have really helped me feel much happier then I have felt in a very long time! I can finally see the preverbal “light at the end of the tunnel”!
I wonder if I can can possibly ask if you have any words of wisdom regarding housework! I have lost all inclination to do any! I just can’t be bothered and now I feel overwhelmed at the sheer amount I have to do! Also this flat as lovely as it is and as grateful as my Son and I are for finally being given a permanent residency at last, it needs so much work doing to it and with me not working/earning I fear my Son will be old enough to leave home before I have the funds to do anything! I wonder if there are any charities out there that maybe be able to help me source some sort of floor covering!?
Thanks again for all your kind and encouraging words. They have really helped me!


FRANKIE , have you looked at Freecycle on the internet? You can put wanted ads on there and people put things they don’t want. I’ve had some brilliant things really clean and good condition just not wanted anymore.

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Hi Sadme,
No I haven’t, I didn’t even know about this website! Thank you so much! I’ll check it out!
Unfortunately that’s the trouble with depression, you don’t “mingle”, whether It be face to face or via telephone or social media and consequently miss out on a lot of things!
Thanks again.

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Hi Frankie. In the area I live they have a warehouse of donated furniture, electrical items etc, etc which was originally started for people on low incomes or benefits and they sell at low prices. Have a sound around in your area and see if there is something of this sort they might have something to improve the look of your floors, I’m sure there must be as I see you live in London. Ask at the local Citizens Advice they should have knowledge of this sort of thing or even the local library, Council offices. If you are receiving benefits approach them and see if there is help for you regarding your floor. You have a young child and this usually makes a difference. Is your floor dangerous or does the flat belong to a Housing Association if so they should be responsible or the landlord of the property. CAB office will be able to advise.
Housework was never one of my favourite things but as I became older I have got myself more organised and that is what you must now do. If it’s overwhelming you then split the rooms into sections and do a bit at a time, set yourself a target to complete each day and as you see the improvements it should give you the incentive to keep going. I wish I lived near to you I would come and give you a hand, I quite enjoy it now. I like seeing the end results and feeling suitably satisfied with my work. Don’t forget bit by bit and plenty of black bags if they are needed.
Let us know how you get on, your experiences might help someone else who is also struggling.
Pat xxxx

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Thank you so much Pat, I will try all these helpful hints you have suggested!
I’m so glad I tried the Sue Ryder website! In fact I wished I had found it years ago! It would have saved me years of needless worrying and feelings of isolation! All of the people who have sent me messages have been a mind of useful information and I thank you!
It’s so nice to receive the positive messages that I have. When you’re as down as I have been, you feel as if you are always going to be isolated! Most of the time you put yourself in isolation when you’re depressed but occasionally you summon the strength to run the risk of being ignored or let down and ask for help! I’m so glad I did!
Thank you so much for all you help and advice people, I am extremely grateful and it’s very much appreciated! I shall keep you all updated with my progress! XX

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Hi Frankie, I am so happy that you are feeling more positive and feel as though you can see a way forward. As you can see, the users on this community are a very supportive group, and have made some helpful suggestions on making your flat feel more like home.

There are also various charities and other organisations that offer one-off grants for people in different circumstances - perhaps there might be something that covers improving your home if you are on a low income. The Turn2Us website has a grants search that lets you find if there is anything that applies to your circumstances (for example, you could search for ones that are available to bereaved people or people with disabilities): https://grants-search.turn2us.org.uk/

I have also found this page which has a section on help with home improvements: https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/grants-low-income/

I wish you and your son all the best in your new flat.

Im glad you’re feeling more positive. Hiw old is your son? I have 2 sons aged 8 and 15 and if you need anything for Christmas i have some things you could have. Which area do you live in?
Sally xx

Hi Frankie,
Have you thought about contacting The Salvation Army?
they are a very good organisation for helping people out? It is worth giving it a try.
Good luck.

Lots of good advice there for you. Hope it helps. Xx

Hi Frankie, was so very sad to read your post, but how rewarding it was to see the responses and that little glimmer of hope it brought to you. There are many more kind and caring people in this world of ours than there are selfish ones and if you need help, just reach out and you will find it. You have already made a start with your post. Most towns now have a local resident’s forum on the internet and if you post on there that you are in need of anything I’m pretty sure that local people will do whatever they can. XXXX