I wonder if anyone can help me.
How do you change your thought process when you feel you just can’t carry on without your loved one…when you feel you just want to sleep and not face what the future holds?
xxx
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This is just how I feel don’t want to go on, I have amazing support but I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. My husband died suddenly in may I am just not coping. I love my kids grandkids siblings but don’t love my life now.
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I know exactly what you mean. Recently I have been having the same thoughts. I thought it was supposed to get easier with time, it’s just over 9 months for me now but with the change in the weather and season I have been feeling very low. I suppose it could also be accentuated by the fact that this time last year Keef started to get ill and I just didn’t realise how bad it was. I have lovely kids and grandchildren along with a very supportive family network but still miss him so very much every day.
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Hi @AlysonandSteve how long has it been since you lost your loved one? I’m 9 weeks in and everyday is different for me. Some days I can’t go out and face people and other days I feel ok to go out and walk and do a bit of shopping. I’m going back to work a week Monday as I feel the time is right. If I could I’d stay in my little bubble in the house. I live alone and get very low on times but I know my Steve would hate me being like this. Sending you a hug.
hi @AlysonandSteve im really feeling this! it’s been 10 weeks since we lost shaun and i feel the last 2-3 weeks it’s got so much harder, i’m really struggling the last few days. the constant pain is excruciating and i’m so drained/weak…
i can’t face anything, i just don’t know how to do life without my soulmate… we have 3 children so i have no option but to try and keep going but all i want to do is hide away from the world and just give up 
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Thank you so much for your replies.
It has been just over 8 months but the fear and anxiety seems to be getting harder and harder.
I’m speaking to a private councillor and now under a physiatrist.
I feel as though I am so completely alone.
I don’t know how much longer I can stand the feeling of insecurity…I feel so afraid xxx
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Sending hugs and love. You are not alone you have us here. It is so hard
@AlysonandSteve its truly heart breaking reading the messages on here, it’s the biggest shit show ever. Instead of talking to our loved ones we are pouring our hearts out to total strangers. Don’t get me wrong I believe talking to people on here will help ease things a bit as we all understand what each other is going through. I have genuinely never felt so alone in my life, I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I have no family around me and the only friends I have are work friends as we hadn’t lived here long. My Steve always used to tell me to learn to mingle more but I was just happy it being just us. I’m so lost without him. I hope you have good support around you.x
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Do you think we’ll ever feel normal again or are these few with us for the rest of our life?
I honestly don’t think I could carry on feeling this way for much longer…the feeling of dread is awful…I miss being two…I miss him…I know I need help but don’t know what else to do now 
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Feelings sorry
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@AlysonandSteve i don’t think we will ever be normal again I believe this has totally changed us forever. I know for myself I need to get out and be around people again I’ve locked myself away for 9 weeks which is not good. I only work part time thank fully but I think it will do me good. I cry every day since he’s been gone and ask why wasn’t it me? He was only 44, I’m 53 so I feel it’s so unfair. Is counselling helping you? Do you speak to others than us on here?
I’m 52…I don’t know if speaking with a therapist is helping or not…I get everything off my chest but it doesn’t change my frame of mind.
I wonder how many women/men lose their partner everyday.
How can time heal?
Are you scared of death? I am, although I wish it upon myself everyday to release me from this anxiety xxxx
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@Debbie25
I couldn’t have put it better myself. My husband died over two and half years ago and when he first died I didn’t want to go on thinking that my boys needed a dad rather than a mum. I got through that period and of course I wanted to live. I have a strong family around me and friends that have been so supportive but do I like this life - no ! I hate it ! Hate being on my own despite trying so hard by volunteering on a regular basis making new friends but I still come home to an empty house. The little dog I rescued just before last Christmas got poorly and had to be put to sleep so now again I’m on my own. I’m away next week visiting friends who live on the coast and then Christmas will be upon us. Again I have plans with the family but even amongst them all I still feel so alone. I imagine now this will be my life going forward so I just have to get on with it.
Much love to all
Georgina
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I’m not scared of death and I just think each day I wake up is one day closer to us being back together. I hate the loneliness, the anxiety the waves, it’s all so much to deal with. I don’t want to die yet and don’t want to be sat in looking at four walls every day crying. I need to try and help myself and not be angry if I have a bad day. Sometimes easier said than done.
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Hi @AlysonandSteve,
I am sorry you are feeling so ghastly. As per everyone else, I know exactly how you feel. It is coming up to two years since my wife died.
For me, every day has been awful: still the disbelief that she is no longer by my side, the accompanying loneliness, disconnection from the rest of the world, just feeling broken. A living nightmare. It’s just a matter of degrees. Some days are less awful than others. Today has been very tough. Not really functioning. Maybe tomorrow will be less tough.
Personally I cannot see any future. The statement makes no sense to me. My wife is not by my side. I cannot get past that.
I’m not sure about changing thought processes. But finding coping strategies maybe? I have evolved quite a few but their efficacy varies day by day. The fundamental problem for me is that the world is wrong as my wife is not in it. How do you address that?
As for being scared of death? No, at this time it would quite frankly be a relief.
Sending you and everyone else best wishes.
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Thank goodness there are other people who feel like I do. I stood on a bridge today, and looked at the water. Lots of people around anyway, but just thought this water isn’t deep enough I wish it was. I wouldn’t do anything “silly” but the thought is there sometimes isn’t it? Or is it just me?
No. I don’t think it’s just you.
The pain of living at times can be pretty horrendous especially when the concept of a future is a struggle.
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It’s not just I feel it everyday x thoughts with you
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I often have dark thoughts…it’s not that I want to die it’s just I can’t cope with the mental and emotional pain…I hate how I feel and nothing I do seems to stop the rollercoaster of emotions…it’s like I’m on a loop and day after day after day I go through the same mental torture.
I don’t believe time is a healer…it’s getting harder and harder.
My friend said I should come off sites such as this one as it only depresses me more but I don’t agree…I’d think I was insane if it wasn’t for this site.
I’m 52 and feel and look 102 since losing my love.
I’d have never loved if I’d of known the pain of loss was this horrific…xx
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Everyone tells me I have to get on with my own life now Karen has passed away. That’s the problem. Some days I feel I can’t carry on or don’t want to. My life is empty. I wake up some mornings and feel “what is the point “.
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