I know what you mean about thinking of all the things you are missing - even though mum only died last month we have missed being able to share mother’s day, 3 of her grandchildren’s birthdays, and her eldest grandson who is my son getting engaged. Everything feels so hard not being able to call her and say mum you’ll never guess… It is as you say unbearable, and there are going to be so many of those now.
Yes they would be telling us to live our lives, but it’s impossible to know what that means, without them there to support us, to talk to, to be with us. They have always been there for us - right from the start and before anyone else.
There is just such a huge sense of absence, of the hole they have left - today is one of those days when all I can feel is the sadness and the awful weight of grief - it makes trying to do even the most ordinary things so much more difficult, if that makes sense? Sometimes it even makes it hard to cry… I try and do something, however little, and if that’s all I do it’s enough. Having a dog helps a lot, because it means I get outside for a bit while I walk her.
Mum was so looking forward to spring - I am buying a little bunch of tulips every week to put by her photo, although it hurts so much that I can’t give them to her.
Someone said to me that a lot of the time it can feel as though you are just going through the motions every day, without really feeling much, but it is important to do that. I am trying to, even when it feels hard. Like me you lost your mum so recently - only the day after - so I really understand what you are going through.
Keep sharing - we can support each other as we go.