Where to turn?

So it’s been 4 months now since my mum died. I still can’t accept it and just want to go be with her. I only leave the house for essentials, my friends don’t really talk to me anymore let alone see me and my partner is completely unsupportive as he’s an angry drunk. I’m struggling raising my babies and dread waking to another day of poop sick and whinging where before my mum died I adored being a mum myself. I bearly remember my daughters newborn days through a haze of grief. (mum died 10 days after she was born) I’ve done online counselling and although talking about mum has helped abit the realisation all I can do is talk about her not to her kills me. I am convinced she sent me a sign the other day, (one of her quotes I took when she died randomly fell off the wall, it was firmly attached) I just feel I can’t go on without her in my life, she should be here watching my babies grow, guiding me as she used to, being there for me when I have a bad day, enjoying the little moments with the babies and playing with them. I’ve just lost all enjoyment in everything since she died.

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Hi @Butterfly1,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it must have been to lose your mum so soon after having your baby. There was a thread yesterday shared by a member who also lost her mum shortly after having her baby - you might want to read it here: Lost my Mum and PND

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience thoughts that they can’t go on without their loved one. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:


There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of not wanting to go on become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

I’m worried to hear that your partner isn’t supportive and that he’s angry. If at any point you feel that you or your children are unsafe, please do reach out to Women’s Aid.

You deserve care so please do think about getting some extra support right now.

Take care,


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Hello Butterfly 1
Iam so sorry for your lost I feel your painand I hear you. Sending much love to you and your babies xxx