Apologies in advance,these are just my thoughts,today was a day of contemplation,I looked through the window of my future and just saw a thick impenetrable fog,I thought who will go on holiday or a day out with me,who will I cuddle on a cold winters evening,who will I sit down with for a home cooked meal,who will I take out for a meal and end up laughing,who will I toast the new year in with,who will celebrate birthdays and anniversary’s with,who will watch a film or tv programme and discuss it later,who will sit in the garden and talk about the flowers with,so many who wills,sorry don’t want to depress anyone as I said just my thoughts.
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Hi @Ron11 you are not being depressing just being realistic. Unless you do eventually meet someone else everything you have said is true. I am the same as I have thought those very same things. No one to do anything with. Yes we can go out with friends and if you are lucky family but it’s not the same as sharing all those moments with your special person. Take care Ron.
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Yes I say that sometimes and the answer is often no one will. I will have to go on my own. So sometimes that is what I do. You kind of get used to it somehow. At other times I don’t bother to go. If it is really worth it I feel glad I went and at other times I think that wasn’t worth it.
Sometimes there is another person who sits and chats for a while and other times there is no one just watching other people.
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@Ron11 those thoughts are perfectly normal in our situations, don’t be sorry 
I’ve felt all of this and so much more, it’s so hard to imagine doing all those things without the person we love beside us 
personally, I am focusing on trying to get used to my own company now, I went to a garden centre last week, I haven’t gone anywhere since my chris passed in may, it broke my heart to go alone, it was always our thing, a Sunday bimble, coffee and cake, catching up on our week at work, just enjoying each others company, I hated seeing all the couples doing the things we used to do…but…I did it, I had a coffee and read a book for half an hour, i chose flowers for the spot ive dedicated to him in the garden. It’s so very hard taking these small steps, but every baby step builds up to bigger ones, sending positivity and love to you xx
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Ron , that is the reality for us all who are on here, a group of people who have lost their life, don’t know who they are as individuals, the ‘us’ that become me or I , finding ourselves is going to be the hardest part in all, things we did together now have a battle to do them alone, as said the lonely times sitting and watching tv, walking out together, although my wife was in a wheel chair, we always stopped different places just to look at things together, we now have to do these things on our own, sounds a bit gibberish, sorry 
just wanted you and others to know we can do this together with this group , keep going forward one small step at a time
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I think we all are having the same thoughts who do i ask if they want a cuppa who do i complain to aboutcanother crap noght on tv. Who do i snuggle up to when i am not feeling well. Who holds ne when i am scared. Dreading the dark winter nights . I use to love Christmas but this year i am dreading it. Xxx
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Hi Jo,
Yes I am absolutley dreading winter,it was one of our favourite times of year,cuddling up watching a film nice meal bottle of wine into our jammies,then off to bed,don’t think a micro meal and a glass on my own is gonna cut it this year.
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Hi Glyn,
You are right,for a nano second I had the thought I should have been one of the boys,flying off on stag nights and weekends away to Spain or Ibiza,then sense kicked back in,they thought I was a BOF,but hey most of them are now divorced,we never had any seperate holidays in 55 years.
I wish you loads of peace good luck.
Ron.
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Yeah Ron those long winter nights all shut in from 4ish i am dreading never been alone before. So its going to be a killer. Xxx
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Hi love,
I doubt I would meet anyone else even if I wanted to (which I def don’t) I would probably drive them mad,the comparisons would flow thick and fast,and I def couldn’t come close to loving anyone else.
Take care Ron.
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Thats why its still to early, if abd when you do meet someone new you have to except them on there own merits. There is never going to be a replacement for who we have lost how could there be they where individuals in there own rights. We love them for them for what they stood fir flaws and all. Jo xx
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Hi Ron
My thoughts exactly- no one to do anything with and no one to do nothing with x
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Hi Jody,
That’s exactly right.
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Silly isn’t it, of all the things I have had to deal with, all the thoughts of the future etc. one thing that brings the tears, like now, is the thought of Christmas, my wife loved Christmas, she was like a child in the build up, it would start in November going round the garden centres with their big displays, as soon as December arrived out came the tree and hours would be spent in decorating it, I would have to buy more electric boxes to cater for the lights and stuff (all very tasteful) that adorned the trees and the patio, it wasn’t for public view, it was for my wife who loved it so much, I know I will have to do it but will it be upto standard and there will only be me here to see it, tears really flowing now.
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I feel this @swift , my Chris loved Christmas, he went all out with the decor, wore his Xmas shirt, cooked the best dinner, woke everyone up at stupid o’clock singing “it’s Christmas” at the top of his voice I will do it for my grandchildren this year, but my heart won’t be in it, I’m considering working the morning so I only have to be present in the late afternoon/evening…I really hope that one day we can all enjoy this day again
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My wife also loved Christmas,every year she would go out and buy us new Christmas jumpers,she got really excited when the Christmas coke ad came on tv and the Christmas movies.
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@elkira, I have pretty much been able to deal with everything else, had only just got over last Christmas when she died in March, I took the last lights down at the end of March they has been left up because I was also recovering from a broken leg, sadly I have no grandchildren and retired, maybe I might feel like volunteering for something by then, would never have believed the thought of it it could cause so much sadness it just meant so much to her and gave her so much pleasure. It would start with the adverts on the telly in October!
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@Ron11, I was the one that waited for the Coke advert, I actually have a picture of it on my now ex office wall, even went to see it in Basildon! (very disappointed)
These things are so difficult to navigate @swift there’s always going to be something we no longer get to share with them, it feels like everything makes us sad, I really hope that one day we can deal with it all and maybe even learn to enjoy these occasions again x
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I’m dreading Christmas too. I used to love it but without my beloved to cuddle up to and be snug and happy with I’m just scared of how lonely it will be.
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