How I wish that was possible. We were so happy together. I would just like to tell him how happy he made me, just in case he didn’t know already. I would like to have the chance to say goodbye. It was so sudden, I never got the chance.
We had just got to the point where we had enough trust in the system to use the respite centre for our daughter so that we could go away for a couple of nights. We had also decided that it was time to have a bit of fun so we had a few short breaks and had returned from one of them the night he had the cardiac arrest.
I still can’t fully grasp that this has happened. Where has he gone, why did he leave me, how can life be so cruel. The questions go round and round my head endlessly.
I wish I could get used to this.
I feel like this alot of the time too . Everyone can have the best of intentions but can never really understand unless they are going through it no ones fault its just how it is
Me too as I lost my partner 03/12/23 x
Ron11
I just read your post…I relate. It’s tough. I just had a message from someone saying “I know it’s hard but your husband would want you to be happy”. I HATE when people say that - I feel like saying but I am not happy without him…that’s how I am feeling now. And I don’t want to think about my future without him.
One day at a time or just one hour…but keep sharing.
Posts like yours help me because only people who have suffered our loss understand how we feel.
Be gentle to yourself.
Hi.
I am glad I could help in a very small way.
I don’t think people understand the pain a few words can cause.
“You’re looking well” “how are you” “ are you coping ok”
To name but a few,insensitive at best.
Sending love.
Ron.
Thay do say these things I had a frien and the first thing they said was how are you and I just burst into tears… Its not easy for them or us
Hi Ron
I hate it when people say ‘you’re looking well’ or even worse ‘you’ll be ok you are strong’. There’s an inference that if you look ok you are obviously over it!!!
I tend to say ‘ I’m ok until I’m not ok’
I suppose people don’t know what to say, so they can’t win either.
Hi Jody,
I read an article recently on meeting bereaved people,it said don’t use the useless platitudes, when greeting someone say like hi nice to see you,I wish I could take your pain away,I can see your struggling,he/she was so nice to me he/she was a lovely caring person etc,they said it shows empathy and concern without the usual platitudes.
Hope this might help.
Big hug
Ron.
It has been 7 months now and I get that all the time, you usual one is ‘ how are you doing’ that always start me off with tears flowing, to be fair I know I shouldn’t, but at work and around people I am usually hiding how I really feeling, when I get home and alone that is when anything can just take it all back to day one again.
Glyn
I read somewhere that when dealing with grief people can feel like they are two people - one in which they present themselves as appearing “ok” and the second is their true self, when alone at home. It takes too much energy sometimes to explain, to those that don’t understand, how you are feeling, you don’t want cliches, etc. I hate too when people say i am strong - i don’t want to be but who else is going to do my work, pay my bills, look after me etc. Also I don’t want my life to move on (even though it has) because it means my husband isn’t with me.
Thanks everyone for sharing. It helps just reading that others feel the same.
Sending virtual hugs and joining in the tears.
Xx
I just spent today looking after two of my grandchildren today. The first time since Bill died, it was something we did together. So hard not to miss him reading them a story or playing a game. Its been 10 weeks and the pain just goes on and on.
It sure does its relentless, daft small things catch you off guard time after time. Just over 8 weeks for me. Hugs Jo xxx
Lots of things I am doing my Sue would not have liked and I don’t know why I am doing them, one instance is buying a scooter and doing my CBT , I have always wanted to do it but she was a worrier bless her, so out of respect for her I never did it, but now she is not here I did it, but now feel guilty and think what would she have said, then I get angry that she cannot stop me or advise me or have a an opinion …… I am so lost and confused , hating this grief and life itself at times ……… is this normal I just don’t know ……
Hi Glynn I think this dreadful grief makes you question everything. I used to be competent and confident at making decisions but now I seem to dither over even little things.
I like to think that your wife helped you decide to get the scooter as she knew it would be a distraction and give you some pleasure- even if she is rolling her eyes somewhere else. 
Hiya Glyn ,
Like you I question everything but I am sure you dear wife will be smiling and saying you go for it, she i am sure like my hubby will be guiding you. Hugs Jo xcc