It’s been seven months. I’ve been doing OK. Coping at first one day at a time and then starting just a bit to look forward to some things. But today I just can’t stop crying. It’s been coming on for a few days - a song on the radio; a photo popping up on Facebook - but today it’s for no reason at all. I have howled until exhausted. Why now? Is this normal? Just feel so down and constantly on the verge.
12 Likes
Hello Louise1951 yes it’s normal to still cry I’m nearly 10 months since I lost my husband and I cry everyday sometimes just like you I can feel it coming on I can be doing something a song comes on the radio that’s it I’m crying so it’s very rarely I put the radio on I have his photo on my phone and every time I put my phone on it creases me looking at his photo but I’ll persevere it’s such a lovely photo I think we’ll be like this up and down but it just shows how much we loved them and as my Bereavement councillor said if you want to cry then cry take care
8 Likes
Hi @Louise1951 this is all perfectly normal and will continue, we just deal with it. I’m 13 months in and have come a long way but it’s never ending. There is no end point to grieving and my grief is still evolving. I’m still experiencing different emotions and feelings. Sometimes it’s extremely hard and sometimes I’m ok and have a new normal but it never goes away. Will I ever get used to it, I don’t know. There just seems to be an ever present sadness that sprinkles over everything else. For me now, life is different but it’s ok most of the time.
8 Likes
Hello Louise1951
Im sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 35yrs in August last year, i cry all the time, if i watch a series on Tv we used to watch together, i look to where he should be sat and next thing i know I’m crying. If i smell his aftershave that sets me off. Its the things he would do as well, that i now have to do, change a lightbulb, put the bins out, doing the garden it makes me remember him and how much i miss him. We are here to help each other and let each other know we are not on our own. Sending you much love.
7 Likes
Yeh my bereavment counsellor said.same to me … if you wanna cry just cry. I think what we do is we are brave for a while and then we just cant be brave anymore and so the tears come. So many things remind us we are doing this alone now and it can be so painful to realise that … little things and big things … its a tough journey xx
8 Likes
Have you found the bereavement Councillor helpful Deb5. My doctor suggested i see one, but I’m not sure.
2 Likes
Yes i did. Had 10 sessions and really helped to understand it all better. Are you having them private or through a charity ? Xx
My doctor gave me some links, cruise i believe was one. When you say chariety who do you mean? X
1 Like
Well like cruse 
i had mine through sue ryder. I wasnt sure at first but im really glad i did it. Cruse is a brilliant charity too … have you already started with them ? X
No not yet, i think i’ll give it a go. Thank you for that. Its so nice to talk to other people who know exactly how i feel. It makes me feel not so alone. X
2 Likes
Yeh do. And this site is brilliant for helping each other out xx
1 Like
Hiya all. I am on a very long waiting list for bereavement counselling so when I went back to work and they offered to arrange some counselling for me I was delighted. Here’s the thing: he isn’t a bereavement counsellor he’s a life coach. Which, as it turns out, is exactly what I need. He is happy for me to talk about Alan but the sessions are primarily about moving forward. It’s absolutely brilliant. I can actually see a glimmer of hope for my future through the horrible inertia of grief. I know this wouldn’t be for everyone but maybe something to consider? x
3 Likes
Hi everyone reading your posts I was lucky I saw a NHS Bereavement councillor House of light had 12 sessions glad I did she helped me as she said small steps told me I’d still be up and down for long time but her job was to get a bit of normality into my life couldn’t get on a bus leave the house just hid myself away, still hate going out by myself but thanks to her I can,
take care all of you 
Bereavement counselling did help me enormously however in the past weeks or so I’ve suddenly been stepping backwards rather than forwards 
finding myself tearful more than I was a few months back 
.
Take care everyone x
3 Likes
Hi Angel1309 it’s true Bereavement councilling does help but like you I sometimes feel I’m going backwards she told me this would happen up and down the chart but there will be days eventually when I haven’t cried and the time between me crying will get less but as she said there isn’t a time line when this will happen we all will be up and down for a very long time take care
1 Like
Still see my bereavement councillor after 15 months. I see her fortnightly and I know I am lucky to be able to afford her. She has helped me with some very specific difficulties associated with the 30 years of diaries my husband left behind. I will never be able to thank her enough.
1 Like
Aw … thats good and if you can afford it why not ? Long as its helped you xc
Yeh its like that , you go back and forth in stages … the counsellors know this. Just try be patient with yourself xx
Hi Bluebell47 I had 12 sessions with my Bereavement councillor they usually only do 8 but they let me have another 4 did me good when I finished she said I still had a way to go mine was with the NHS and because it was free when I finished just before Christmas she told me I could go back after 3 months if I needed too which is nice to know as I’m still finding it very hard you take care
Hi @Jennison1946 so true that’s what been happening so far I guess nothing we can do about it but go with the flow unfortunately and hope one day it will get better.
Take good care x
1 Like