Hi Angel1309 that’s what I hope things will eventually get better I do get a little comfort being on this site it is helping you take care
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Hi @Jennison1946 This site has been so amazingly supportive I don’t know how I would’ve coped so far without sharing my thoughts and feelings here, everyone’s support has been so wonderful and comforting - I am so grateful.
Please take good care x
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Hi Angel1309 take care and I wish you well
I’ve been put on the waiting list now for counselling, hope its not too long.
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Angel1309, you take care of yourself as well, I’ve not been on here long, but you definitely realise you are not on your own and you’re not the only one going through an awful time. Its been really good for me. X
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@shellmiller I’ve been using Cruise for a few sessions now and they have been brilliant. It did take quite a while to get the sessions in place (It’s 8 months in for me since my wife passed). Initially I was very frustrated it was taking so long, but in hindsight I think I’ve probably been able to get more from the sessions now that I might have a few months ago. I’ve been able to reflect a bit more and come up with some coping mechanisms that will help me more in the long-term. I don’t think I could have managed that earlier on in my grief.
@Louise1951 I totally understand where you are coming from, as I’m sure most of us do. I was coping (I use that term loosely of course, but was getting by day to day at least), then about 5 months in it hit me like a ton of bricks, without any obvious triggers, and I felt I was right back at the very time it happened. Very vivid flashbacks and very raw emotions, like I was starting the whole grief journey again from day one.
So, yes, it is perfectly normal to feel that way. After a few days things calmed down quite a bit. These feelings come in waves, and I guess we just need to go along with it. I know others have said similar things, but its some of the best advice I’ve received, if you need to cry, just cry, if you need to sit on the sofa for several days in your pyjamas and do nothing, then do it. Don’t try and fight it, do want to your body & mind is telling you to do. And conversely if it’s telling you get out and do whatever it is you do to enjoy yourself, then get out there and do it (that’s the bit I’ve found a bit harder, but I’m slowly getting there).
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I think the thing with me I’m continually pushing myself not to sit around I’m 10 months on now and this last week feels like I’m right back at the beginning had a really bad week I’m exhausted crying for England just wish I could start having a bit of normality I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life in this state life is too short just can’t get my husband out my mind I’ve been invited to a party tomorrow with my son and daughter in law had doubts about going but I’m going hopefully it will pull me out this daark place I got myself into reading all you posts does help take care
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14 months for me and ive had an awful day today. The lady at the corner shop who i thought knew about my husband said today - how is your husband has he not been well … obviously i had to tell her he had died … i.just cried in front of her ! Oh god what a life ! I think i might move house i cant bear telling people who knew him … most people around here already knew but obviously she didn’t:( put me right back it has … … i still wanna try enjoy my life a bit but feels like an impossible task at moment … so much pain everywhere i look xx
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Jennison 1946, i find it difficult to get myself motivated most days. We had to sell our family home and move to a bungalow to make it easier for me having everything on one level to get Andrew about. We literally moved in and got everything adapted, no thresholds, wetroom etc hardly unpacked any boxes they are in the loft, i can’t unpack them i have no interest in doing it, i wish i could motivate myself to get things sorted, its coming up for 6 months since Andrew passed, i really want to have the energy to do it.
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My daughter asked how I was this week, told her it hadn’t been the greatest and she made the point that a lot of people are having a bad week and maybe it was due to the full moon effecting the emotions?
Just a thought
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Hi shellmiller so sorry for your loss that must be devastating for you moving home then the loss of your husband I really feel for you and things like unpacking boxes they really aren’t important that is a thing you do when you feel like it and one day you will, my husband wanted a bungalow I just didn’t want to move it was the stairs that was the problem so we paid over £2000 for a stair lift only had it 9 months and he passed brand new I got £200 for it even upset me getting rid of it but the way I looked at it was it was only a stair lift, you’ll surprise yourself one day out the blue and decide I’m going to sort those boxes but as I was told small steps you take care
PJ64 my daughter is the same but she never asks how I am I tell her I’ve had a bad week her reply you’ll feel better when the weather gets better and you don’t realise how well your doing (What) she lives 11 doors away and never pop’s for a cup of tea but she can get in her car and pop to her friends for a couple of hours this does hurt me but talking to her is like talking to a brick wall maybe this is because she’s a Children’s Specialist Mental health nurse and it’s the professional side that keeps coming out I don’t know you take care
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Ha … i have same problem with my kids … they have no heart do they ! I dont think its her job i think that its the way some kids are these days tbh … I dunno why i even bothered having kids tbh … feel like it was all just a waste of bloody time …
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like you it has been almost 6 months since my husband died, I am coping with things in life but it feels automatic, and today I have sat and sobbed twice already and it is only 11a.m. the awful damp weather seems to have made me ache all over, just managed to take my dog out for a short walk, but as I came in through the door, I started to cry, perhaps it is just feeling sorry for myself.? i do have 2 daughters, but they have their own lives to live and i do not want to make myself a burden on them. people say’ you have done so well and you are coping so well’ but they do not see me sobbing. we were together 52 years and he was the love of my life and he certainly would not want me to be so sad, and perhaps one day in the future I won’t be, so, I do feel for you today.
Jennison 1946 & Deb 5.
I must be really lucky, i have 3 sons, 2 live close my middle son lives about 45 mins away. I either see or hear from my eldest everyday (twice a day) and i go for tea once or twice a week. My middle son calls me 3/4 times a week and comes down with his family everyother weekend when he not working. My youngest is a bit different i don’t hear from him quite as much but i speak to his wife regularly. I couldn’t have got through Andrews passing without them they were there for me everyday sometimes staying overnight so i wasn’t on my own. I had problems with my sister and brother, neither of them were there for me while Andrew was ill and i was caring for him 24/7 they told me through a text that i wasnt doing my fair share looking after my mum who has dementia, despite i was the one who had been doing everything for her before, because i wasnt working they thought i should be doing more.
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shellmiller how lovely for you I think if that was my daughter I wouldn’t be finding it so hard to get through the grieving but it plays on my mind a lot and I’ve got to learn that’s the person she is I’m just thankful I’ve got such a loving neighbour who is there for me if I need her but you have a lovely family you take care
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I do feel very lucky especially as i have boys
They cope and feel grief in a different way to me, we are trying to support each other.
Im glad you have good neighbours. I’ll always be on here if you need to chat. Take care x
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shellmiller thank you so much that means a lot to me take care
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You are really lucky ! .xx
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