It’s nearly 18 months now since I lost my partner, Ian, of 40 years but I still can’t accept I will never see him again. I frequently find myself crying out ‘please come back!
I hate this new life without him and however busy I’m during the day, I’m surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of sadness and heartbreak.
I’m volunteering, meeting people in a similar situation, had counselling, made new friends but still, I find myself frequently in tears and just wishing I could disappear.
Family live far away and maybe moving nearer to them will help, I just don’t know.
All I do know is that the last 18 months have been the worst time of my life and I don’t know if I can take much more.
Oh Julie, I so feel your anguish. I’m sitting here trying to think of something to say that will help ease your pain but I can’t even help myself. Your words resonate with me so much. I think about my husband constantly and I can’t believe it has happened and that I will never see his face or hear his voice again. At least you seem to be getting out there and trying to do things and I applaud you for that. Whereas I just sit around most days because the thought of doing things on my own frightens me. I agree with you this is the worst time of our lives. Let the tears flow. That’s what I have been told. You take care.X
Yes I’m feeling worse as time goes on and especially nearer Xmas, I can’t believe how everyone is expecting me to be oh so happy this Xmas after all it’s over a year but inside I’m so broken and devastated and nobody can see or understand so I’m retreating into myself until the season is over, I miss him so very much, thinking of everyone suffering as well xx
I suppose people who haven’t been through something so devastating as this can’t understand that after a year you would still be feeling the way you do. A year is nothing compared to the time you have spent with your loved one. It’s like a drop in the ocean. It will take as long as it takes. You will never stop missing him. Maybe it won’t hurt as much hopefully. It’s coming up to ten months for me and the heartache and bewilderment I still feel is indescribable. People keep telling me I’m strong and I say I’m not … because I’m really not. I’m like the person in that advert the one in the sea I’m not waving I’m drowning. Anyway, thanks for replying, I don’t get many replies. You take care.X
Trixie it’s been 16 month’s for me and I know exactly how you feel cause I feel the same. Not one day goes by without me wishing jim was here and asking why did he have to leave me. My heart breaks every time I see his photo on the side. The pain with never leave me although everyone thinks I should be over it by now how can you get over such a loss. Also with xmas coming everything seems so hard .
Dear Loobyloo2 I feel you’re pain it’s a tough path we walk but walk it we must. Time doesn’t heal we just learn to walk with grief by our side and try and make sense of the life we now lead. . Take care xx
Thank you. I was just thinking this time last year my lovely man was still here and all was well. Now it’s all gone. My two children, although they miss their dad so much, they have to carry on with their lives going out on Christmas work parties and so forth. And that is only right that they do carry on … I understand they have to. For me though my life as I knew it has ended and I am so empty. X
I feel the same as you. The life I wanted ended when my husband’s did and I just can’t see a meaningful future without him. Like we all do, I just so wish this was all a nightmare that I could wake up from.
Yes nightmare is right. Wake up in the morning and just repeat the same miserable day. Reading one of your earlier posts you said you cried out to your husband. I did that yesterday just saying his name over and over again. But to no avail. Just ended up in floods of tears. I hate my life too. My grown up children don’t like it when I say that so I have to keep that to myself now. I just tell my husband now when I talk to him. But I don’t think he hears me. I know this post is very miserable but this is how I feel every single day. I just don’t know how to carry on without my soulmate by my side.X
For me it’s the 2nd Christmas without him last year was just a blur as he died 5 weeks before Christmas and I was I think on auto pilot staying at my son’s. This year feels much harder and I can’t face putting the tree up.etc but know I must motivate myself for the sake of my youngest grandson. I’m gping out to a Xmas dinner tonight and the thought of coming in to.an empty house at 11pm.has sent my anxiety off thw wall. I’m going with my cousin so that helps and we’re coming back by taxi together I’m determind to do this and then I can say to him look I am doing ok xx
I do hope you have a nice an evening as you can. It’s good that you have a family member to go with.
It’s hard coming back to an empty house. For me it’s the knowing there’s no one waiting there for you. If anything was to happen to you say you were on your own, there’s no one thinking where is she … she should be home by now. That applies to day or night.
Anyway try to enjoy the evening and I’m sure Chris will be proud of you.X
I don’t like an empty house or a dark house. So I’ve set a lamp with a timer which helps.
It’s checking I’ve locked the doors ( often several times an evening- just to make sure ) then putting the lights off at bedtime.
Then I know he isn’t coming back.
My partner died on 19th November & we buried her yesterday. I just can’t accept she’s gone, we did everything together (for 23 years). I wake & feel like I’m suffocating. Everyone says this will pass but I know it won’t because I always knew I couldn’t live without her, she was everything to me & she kept me sane. I just wish I wasn’t here & I was with her. I won’t take my life & my mother needs me but apart from her I haven’t got a life & ive never liked my own company but know I have to adapt to that because no matter how many friends or family you have, you always have to go back home alone.
Hi I lost my wife 12 months ago within 24hrs of her becoming ill we had been together 48years I still cry every day wishing she was here if it wasn’t for my daughters and close friends I don’t think I would still be here you just have to try and get through each day and hopefully in time it will get easier to cope with. Xxx
I had a good evening the fiood and company was good and coming back to an empty house wasn’t too bad ,I’d left lights on and arranged to phone a friend as soon as I was in the house it certainly made it easier hearing someone’s voice. My sons messaged me to check I was back and ok and once I’d got the kettle on I was ok. I miss C and wish he was here still but accept that cannot be and that is the hardest part of this life we must lead and that hard path we must walk. I am glad I went as whilst on the dance floor I was for those fleeting moments the wonan I used to be before Cancer took over evert being of our lives abd took C away from me. Take care x
) then putting the lights off at bedtime.