So its been over a year since my partner died seemed to be doing okish but last week or so i just want to cry keep forgetting my tablets dosent help
but i feel like me and my daughter dont matter anymore one of his cousins cut me off completley apparantly she never got on with me deleted me off fb and now.dont get invited to any of the family events it hurts and its really upset me
its hard enough living over 200 mile away from.my mum and sister as it is without all this aswell now
anyone else gone through this? people are always there at the begining or so you think maybe just been nosey now they gone and i feel like im a nobody to some of his family now he would hate that too x
People are peculiar, you have no idea why they behave as they do, it must be really sad for you and your daughter not being included in family things, especially as you don’t know why, I think people think that after a few months you will be back to your normal self and can’t understand why you are still grieving, a year is such a short period of time, I don’t think you ever get over it, you just learn to live with it, a lot of people find coping with other peoples grief very difficult so would rather avoid you than confront the issue, I know I haven’t been much help, but I do understand, sending love Jude xx
i think you a right they probably think i need to get on juat because they are they have no idea what ive been though its been so traumatic for my daughter and I the way he died
but end of day it is what it is you find out who you friends are dont you x
You certainly do, people who you thought were good friends do everything to avoid you and are horrified if you happen to mention, in my case my husband, it’s very sad for everybody concerned xx
This is so true what everyone is saying, people are strange. I put it down to them not being able to deal with death. Friends kept in touch for the first few weeks, in fact I was inundated, now I don’t hear from anyone, except close family. I have decided that at some point in the future I will need to make new friends and start over. This is their problem, not yours. Do what makes you happy.
Another slant on it which I’ve come to realise is that these people still have to be getting on with their lives also.
They are not in our position, although they still cared about the person we’ve all lost and they’ve cared about us to give us the time that they have they need to deal with their own grief and their own life.
I’m eternally grateful for the support I’ve had from the people who’ve been there for me and my family but at some point we’re going to have venture out into this different way of life.
Its a terrifying thought and not easy to contemplate, never mind do but I’m hoping it’s doable as I can’t expect people to constantly worry about me as they have their own lives to live and hopefully we have ours.
I hope that makes sense, take care.
@Fg15 hi I am very sorry for your loss its been 18weeks since I lost my soulmate pauline and to be honest the only support I get is on here and from a friend I made on here my family and friends don’t bother with me not even in the beginning so it’s just me and my pets and in all honesty I feel so very isolated and lonely this is my life now not one I want or would have chosen but somehow I have to learn to adjust to it I’m sorry people are being like that with you it’s so hard everyday and unless they have been through or going through this heartbreak they really don’t understand I tried to reach out to someone who I thought was a good friend but it was obvious they weren’t interested all I wanted was to hear another voice I came of the phone wishing I hadn’t bothered you will find support on here take care x
Hi Casey, how are you?
I understand your feelings of isolation, that’s how I’ve been feeling for months.
Do you think that’s connected to what you were saying about it only being us feeling like this as we were the closest to the person we’ve lost?
It sounds like you’re coming to terms a bit better with this horrible situation from what I’ve read.
You probably don’t think it but you are, keep on keeping strong Casey, you’re doing better than you think.
We all are, take care and have a good weekend.
@Craig2 hi Craig I am very sorry for your loss l just think unless they have been through the loss of their soulmate they just don’t get it the emptiness longing for them the loneliness our future’s ripped away from us in all honesty I’m not coping I can’t accept that she is gone even though I know she is I’m trying to adjust and will keep on trying how are you doing
My take on friends and family disappearing after the initial shock is that they don’t want to deal with what is probably in store for them. It just seems like human nature to turn away from someone grieving because they don’t want to face the fact that they will go through the same thing one day.
That’s where this site comes in for the support we need. No one will desert you here.
@Barb11 hi barb I think you might be right they probably don’t know what to say and yes no one on here will desert you and at least on here people care and understand and have more empathy
Thank you for all your msgs
i can understand where you are coming from
im just so upset i canmot help it i dont want sympathy just wanted to be included like we used to be when he was still here i think part of it is because i no lobger drink my partner died from.alcohohol its had a huge effect and i dont want to drink anymore so they think im boring just cos all they do is get p****d up all time thats up to them i think im probably better off without them
You have said it FG15. You ARE better off without them. My husbands family totally rejected me after he died when I thought we was all the best of friends enjoying social events together but I haven’t heard from one of them in over two years, including his daughters or grandchildren who I tried hard to make contact with but was ignored every time. Like you I felt totally rejected and wondered what I had done so wrong. It didn’t help my self esteem at that time. Now I know that I don’t need these people in my life. I have managed all this time without them and doing just fine. I am not lonely and keep myself busy. I have found that I don’t need people to help me through grief I am doing it on my own and with the love and company of my dogs.
I once wrote on this forum that there comes a time when we have to be responsible for our own lives, meaning that some of us can’t rely on other people. This comment offended a couple of people but it wasn’t meant to offend it was how I had found my way back to leading a life of sorts.
I wish you all the best.
xx
Barb .I find that many people will cut you off Dter you have mentioned that you have lost a loved 1
They also do the same when you mention Cancer. After my wifes death, I became an outcast , simply because the thought of death and loss . Literally scares people tand they cant handle it
So its easier for them to run away instead of facing the topic of death and loss?
I’m here if anyone is needing support and wants to chat ?
I even created a bereavement support group, with my sister in law the idea was to bring people together to talk and help each other to move forward in their own time and way
it lasted 18 months , but wasnt popular, because people didnt want to accept that they had lost loved ones??
H Mr Chips
By coincidence I also joined up with a group of people that wanted to meet and learn to move forward in their lives but there was many of them that was not able to accept a new life and friends. Some people that joined us wanted to continually talk about their grief and cried all the time which made us feel so sorry for them but it really wasn’t meant to be this type of group. We had moved onto another stage of our own grief, if you can understand that.
Lockdown came and the group came to an end. I often wonder if we could have kept going longer.
xx
Hi Pattidot
Thanks for your message .its good that you become or formed bereavement support group and that it was doing well until covid came as you mention some members wanted to cry and talk about their grief and loss.
With my group, there was 2 of us with minor counselling qualifications and ae only let people use us for a half of the evening.
Then we concentrated on having fun and our own disco and even bingo. I hired a mini bus for trips to Scarborough and other places
. Our group didnt last too long, because of a members shortage.
We had a small item in our weekly paper for free, but people still thought we would only concentrate on death which wasnt the main idea.moving forwards was?
If you restart I wish you well . Mr chipps the poet
For me my love dont shed a single tear.
Because in your heart and mind I will always be near
I have gone to live with the Angel’s above
And each day, I send you my undying love
When you think of me, try to have a smile on your face
Because I am happy and resting in a special place
I miss you also my darling now that I am in heaven above
But now I am with past others who we still love
Me chipps the poet man
Hello Casey, how are you?
I’m pretty much the same as I have been for months but today I made more of an effort to get back into life.
Whether that has helped me I don’t know yet, it’s always one step forward and ten back, with a bit of luck it might be two next time, we can only try.
Every day’s a roller-coaster I’ve come to realise and you’ve got to hold very tight to the rails sometimes.
Sometimes we lose our grip but that’s OK, we just have to hold on tighter next time.
Take care Casey
