Why is it the more you care the more you get hurt. This is how it is with my family and friends, that they are not here for me.
I feel ya. Give and give to not get much back at all. I feel the more time goes by, the more you’re stuck in grief and you have to watch everyone else just get on with life. Time is making it harder.
Maybe this is just how life is, but it shouldn’t be, one thing though it’s made me stronger x
I totally understand what you mean, I too feel like I’m doing all the giving and when it boils down to it I’m still here on my own and feeling lonely. It’s like others will only give so much and no more
I feel like this too, I lost my mum in January and feel so alone, no one as asked me how I am or anything. It’s like everyone’s life is back to normal and I’m alone and still grieving
Sadly that is how it is for most of us and often men get less attention than women.
I told an old friend how I really felt.last week and all I got was " think how awful your family would feel if you said that to them"
What about how I feel ? My whole life is in ruins
Nobody really cares that I can’t bear living without my husband .
All anyone wants me to do is " be normal "
My instant reply to them would be ‘what isn’t normal about how I feel or how I’m acting?’
Such a rude response from someone who clearly just hasn’t gone through it. You’ve just lost your best friend, you’re entitled to do whatever brings you comfort.
Too many self centred and selfish people in this world. This group is the only thing that helps me xx
I totally empathise. My mum died 20th Dec last year and people have stopped asking how I am, including my own partner. It seems everyone around me assumes I’ve moved on. In truth, life doesnt feel any easier for me and I feel the same pain each day. I dread going to bed as that’s when the dreaded thoughts come and I toss and turn trying to sleep. I have night terrors. Now I’m isolated because of this virus, it’s even worse. I feel this self isolation is so much harder for those grieving but no one really understands or sympathised except those who are grieving
Hi and thanks for your reply. I get this with my partner too. I feel exactly the same, like people expect that just because times moving on I should be too! I feel like when I talk about my mum’s death I’m sort of boring or burdening people with it now and they don’t want to hear it, I feel like on more than one occasion my partner has even tried to change the subject. I know exactly what you mean, it doesn’t seem to get any easier, the pain just stays the same day after day. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything and things I used to love I’m no longer bothered about. I too find night time the worst I have trying to call to sleep, it’s so difficult! I’ve had many dreams about my mum, very strange ones too which unnerved me for quite a few days. Your right it is so hard being stuck in isolation, it gives us all this time on our hands to think about all sorts! I totally get where your coming from and if you ever want to chat some more I’m here , take care and thank you for your message .
@DWR6989 I really do feel for what you’re going through. Especially the dreams and lack of sleep. And the worst thing someone can say when you try to talk about the dream is ‘it’s only a dream, it’s not real’ which doesnt show any empathy for the fear and sadness the dreams or night terrors cause. My partner has also tried to change the subject. One time I told him that I was feeling sad about my mum and he went silent then said ‘what would you like to eat?’ I think he just doesnt know what to do or say. But I’ve sent him material on how to support me in my grief but it’s done little. I now tend to lean on my friends more but they dont always know what to say either. You are very welcome to message me privately for a chat and I mean that too. Not always easy to talk openly on the forums about private life, I know. You are not alone
Sarah I really relate to what you say. People just don’t get it do they.
I’ve had this treatment since my husband died 3 months ago. Even been told that my issues with Graham and his life are history and to move on.
Perhaps they can’t cope with our bereavement?
Really feel for you.
Hi and thank you so much for your message it is difficult to cope with grief specially when your made to feel so alone,like no one really wants to hear what you have to say but thats the only way for me to try and make some kind of sense of things that’s happened with my mum. To talk, to get it out there, I can’t just shut up and not say anything like I think some people would want. I know some people do struggle with talking and opening up, specially people the closest, I guess they just don’t want to say something that might not sound right or may be taken the wrong way and upset you. after all when your grieving I think emotions are heightened and it makes you extra sensitive to what people say! Likewise your more than welcome to private message me too anytime you like and we can talk take care
How are you coping with everything
I hope your doing ok?
It’s just awfull when you loose someone
Nobody think to ask how you are
Or how this may affect you?
so many replies means we all feel the same, and so do I, and that is why I had to turn inward. it was the best way I could protect myself. the grief support groups were tremendously helpful because we were an island of like minded, stuck in a “country” of those who did not care. it was the greatest thing I did for myself. I have learned now, not to lean on people emotionally, or for many other things. I would rather talk to myself, than someone who does not really, really care.
Everyone on there posts cares.
Easier to talk to other people I think sometimes other than family.
Anyway hope your ok
Hi Absolutely agree, your way was my way also. I was helped by a group that met up once a month and I could go for a year only but it did the trick. I was determined to not rely or lean on friends or family and learn to cope and like my own company. I quite like the peace and quiet now.
I had previously had the experience of helping a man that had lost his wife and noticed how soon people became bored with his situation and avoided him. This was a lesson learnt when I lost my husband and I was determined to avoid being in the same situation he had found himself in. I kept myself quite isolated for about a year until I felt ready to be comfortable with people again.
This enforced isolation is nothing new to me now and I am not finding it particularly difficult and keeping myself busy however still do have bad days but that is to be expected and I cope with them. I have my precious dogs and they care and listen to me.
[quote=“Pattidot, post:18, topic:25236”]
"a man that had lost his wife and noticed how soon people became bored with his situation and avoided him. "
this is it. in a nutshell …
It sure is. My line manager at work had stopped asking me how I am because she feels awkward when I am honest about my feelings of grief. And if I do mention anything about my loss, she changes the subject. A counsellor told me it can take upto two years to adjust when you experience a loss. It hurts when others assume you’ve moved on or should move on. Its just under 4 months since mum died and my heart still feels like it could burst whenever I think of her.
@Doll that is exactly it! Swap your line manager with my partner and that’s exactly how I feel. I know it’s hard to know what to say, but they don’t even ask us anything that we actually want to remember and talk about. Don’t you just wish that people would ask your mum’s favourite dinner? Or how she had her tea? Or what perfume she wore? Where she shopped?
It’s been 5 months for my Dad and I burst at the thought of him too. It never gets easier, and people just don’t get it that haven’t been through it.
Best wishes x