Why does no one care

agree with most things said here,im actually at a loss why friends and family cant just give us a ear so we can talk.i didn’t realise how much I was getting from having my driving lesson come therapy session with my friend James,as im driving I constantly talk about Jayne and he listens without really giving an opinion,which helps me,as nothing worse than people coming up with crap like giv it time,do what Jayne would of wanted all the old clichés which in essence mean buggers all to anyone whose lost somebody they love,whether thats your partner ,dad mum daughter sister etc etc.sadly some cannot open up so having an ear wouldn’t help them.sadly we all find different ways to try cope.but some cannot even get a sign of interest of any concern from a family member or a friends .and lets face it ,were not asking much just a bit of comfort compassion and a little empathy.there endoth my lesson.sorry if any offence caused just giving my humble opinion,and realising im missing that time I was given to talk about Jayne.
regards ian

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Hi. Ian. In grief we can become very self centred. Now this is perfectly natural, after all it’s us that is suffering and no one seems to understand or respond in the way we think they should. We may accuse others of being self centered, when we also suffer in this way. Our world has virtually collapsed in front of our eyes. The pain is great. But to expect anyone to understand without having experience of this trauma is too much to expect. People shy away from pain. It may be painful to many to see another in pain. They may seem indifferent and uncaring when in fact they are hiding their sorrow. We can’t and should not judge. Better let them be and not get caught up in emotional responses that does no one any good.
I too was very angry at first when those who promised support failed to come up to expectations. But one friend said to me, ’ I do hope you don’t think badly of me for not getting in touch, but your loss reminded me so much of my own some years back’. She apologised and I wholeheartedly I accepted her apology. I had forgotten about her loss, in a selfish way I was only concerned with me and my pain.
Take care. John.


Yes kinda know how you feel.
Nobody thinks to ask…
How are you?
Everyone just expects you to carry oñ as normal

I’m so sorry for your loss. And I am exactly in the same place. I lost my dad less than two months ago and my friends think I should just get on with it already. So do my clients of 22 years. But I am not ready. I’ve spent the last two months of the grief alone during the coronavirus pandemic and my business was shut down. Now, I’m feeling pressured from every direction to re-open, and be the strong happy workhorse I used to be. I am a healer and I have always cared for other people first.

But now, I don’t have the energy to put other people first for the first time in my life. And I feel like if I don’t take the time to heal myself then I’m going to drown. Unfortunately, the people in my life are not used to me being selfish or taking care of myself first so I’m even more isolated.

In fact I just got back online because five minutes ago, I sense my very best friend who happens to be my ex-wife a list of ways to support me. Because she very much thinks that I’m grieving wrong and need to get on with my life. She asked me yesterday how I was doing and I told her not very well. She asked if there was anything I needed and I said yes for the 10th time I need time and space to grieve and figure things out on my own. She replied with what else is there to do but get on with it!?! So, not only did she ask what I needed and I told her, then she argued and made me feel like my needs were wrong. So after years of marriage and friendship and being a family, I just completely removed her and blocked her and I’m not available to her anymore. I need support and time.

This whole experience has been absolutely eye-opening. Not in the best way. But I can handle the truth better than people acting like they love me… Now I know it’s only when they need me.

I too have been turning in word and working on my spiritual practice. And I know 100% now at the age of 47 But I am now totally all alone and probably always have been except for my father who I just lost