Why does no one care

agree with most things said here,im actually at a loss why friends and family cant just give us a ear so we can talk.i didn’t realise how much I was getting from having my driving lesson come therapy session with my friend James,as im driving I constantly talk about Jayne and he listens without really giving an opinion,which helps me,as nothing worse than people coming up with crap like giv it time,do what Jayne would of wanted all the old clichés which in essence mean buggers all to anyone whose lost somebody they love,whether thats your partner ,dad mum daughter sister etc etc.sadly some cannot open up so having an ear wouldn’t help them.sadly we all find different ways to try cope.but some cannot even get a sign of interest of any concern from a family member or a friends .and lets face it ,were not asking much just a bit of comfort compassion and a little empathy.there endoth my lesson.sorry if any offence caused just giving my humble opinion,and realising im missing that time I was given to talk about Jayne.
regards ian

1 Like

Hi. Ian. In grief we can become very self centred. Now this is perfectly natural, after all it’s us that is suffering and no one seems to understand or respond in the way we think they should. We may accuse others of being self centered, when we also suffer in this way. Our world has virtually collapsed in front of our eyes. The pain is great. But to expect anyone to understand without having experience of this trauma is too much to expect. People shy away from pain. It may be painful to many to see another in pain. They may seem indifferent and uncaring when in fact they are hiding their sorrow. We can’t and should not judge. Better let them be and not get caught up in emotional responses that does no one any good.
I too was very angry at first when those who promised support failed to come up to expectations. But one friend said to me, ’ I do hope you don’t think badly of me for not getting in touch, but your loss reminded me so much of my own some years back’. She apologised and I wholeheartedly I accepted her apology. I had forgotten about her loss, in a selfish way I was only concerned with me and my pain.
Take care. John.


Yes kinda know how you feel.
Nobody thinks to ask…
How are you?
Everyone just expects you to carry oñ as normal

I’m so sorry for your loss. And I am exactly in the same place. I lost my dad less than two months ago and my friends think I should just get on with it already. So do my clients of 22 years. But I am not ready. I’ve spent the last two months of the grief alone during the coronavirus pandemic and my business was shut down. Now, I’m feeling pressured from every direction to re-open, and be the strong happy workhorse I used to be. I am a healer and I have always cared for other people first.

But now, I don’t have the energy to put other people first for the first time in my life. And I feel like if I don’t take the time to heal myself then I’m going to drown. Unfortunately, the people in my life are not used to me being selfish or taking care of myself first so I’m even more isolated.

In fact I just got back online because five minutes ago, I sense my very best friend who happens to be my ex-wife a list of ways to support me. Because she very much thinks that I’m grieving wrong and need to get on with my life. She asked me yesterday how I was doing and I told her not very well. She asked if there was anything I needed and I said yes for the 10th time I need time and space to grieve and figure things out on my own. She replied with what else is there to do but get on with it!?! So, not only did she ask what I needed and I told her, then she argued and made me feel like my needs were wrong. So after years of marriage and friendship and being a family, I just completely removed her and blocked her and I’m not available to her anymore. I need support and time.

This whole experience has been absolutely eye-opening. Not in the best way. But I can handle the truth better than people acting like they love me… Now I know it’s only when they need me.

I too have been turning in word and working on my spiritual practice. And I know 100% now at the age of 47 But I am now totally all alone and probably always have been except for my father who I just lost

1 Like

I know how you feel. I lost a dearly loved brother 4 months ago. Now, nobody asks how I am, not even family. I put a brave face on so perhaps they all think I’m coping. I’m not though. Still in complete denial he’s gone


When my mum passed I found people only care for the 1st week or so then they have there lives to get on with (which is fair enough) . I decided to push my friends away as I realised they only care about them selves and don’t really give a crap on how you feel or what your going through. I’ve found it a bit easier as I don’t have to listen to there little dramas.

it is a cold bucket of water when we experience grief … as not only do we suffer the loss … but the people around us do not help us as we thought that they would.

I am very sorry.

1 Like

two months is NO time at all …

We care we are here for you

I totally get it, I’m such a giving person always thinking of others.my partner died eight weeks ago and it’s been forgotten about already. Time is a healer I’m told, where are these family and friends when you need their support the most.


The fact is everyone else moves on with their lives after the funeral. I had plenty of people offering support which has completely dried up 2 months on. But we’re in a daze the first few weeks & it’s now down the line a bit that we need the support, not then. Sending hugs :heart:

1 Like

So very true, and such a shame

Ahh bless your aching heart ,I know exactly what you mean iv got nobody to support me yes iv got a elder son I won’t lean on him any more he’s got his own life I truly feel it for you Google grief talk there trained counsellors to talk to Monday-Friday 9am to 9pm I am sending lots of hugs to you

1 Like

i agree . we fell out with the neighbours a while back and one day my hub fell ill and later died , my neighbours next door were a disgrace no card no flowers never came round didnt talk or approach me in the street absolutely disgusting . no matter how bad the dispute was i would of still gone round to offer help , even a death doesnt change peoples attitude even if they dont like you …i sob every night they must hear me but never have they initiated coming round or offering support…terrible …and in my view obviously hate me because of the prior dispute…they gossip in street then laugh together when i pass by with my dog …i ran home in tears…got indoors and wanted to just die…felt so low …nobody has any idea the cruelness of death and the grieving ones left behind

1 Like

The sue Ryder community cares and are here to support you no one should have to face the loss of someone alone

Helen Helen my aching heart just wants to reach out with a big hug .I feel the same way most of the time like a lost soul none of my family ask how I am anymore that all stoped with weeks of hubbys death.yes it’s cruel even if they just sat with you .some say it’s lack of understanding and maybe little is .but we should be heard our pain acknowledged no it won’t chang anything but it would help us feel less alone and isolated sending you a virtual big bug try your upmost to take care but always remember it’s ok not to be ok :rainbow:

thank you xxx my love and thoughts to you allon here xxat least we can reach out here on this site x

gee I am so sorry. that is awful. maybe one of them will die and the other will move away.

Helen Helen I am wondering if you’ve thought about bereavement counselling iv been going for many months now .I think it’s helped not just with my grief but how badly iv been treated and left alone with my dark hole you know I was going to shops few weeks ago had mild flu it was suggested by sister I may not be able I said I climb Mount Everest everyday .
My therapist thinks it’s so sad iam left alone like this
I hope your managing to eat and sleep if things become really bad where you’re overwhelmed please reach out to your dr they can get you supporte look after yourself​:sparkles::bouquet:

I have just joined (I couldn’t face going to counciling) so I hope I can find help from it. Things seemed to be getting a tad easier then wham bam this weekend like a game of snakes & ladders I’m back at the bottom again! I had been with Mark for 40 years, he was fit & healthy and died with no notice nearly 6 months ago & I thought I knew all about grief as my whole family (whom I was very close to) died within 5 years of each other but then Mark was there to help me threw it, now I’m all alone, with no family members what so ever to help. It’s so unbelievably hard I read in another post about it being like you are meandering along a country road then you hit some sharp corners, which is exactly how it feels for me