Im sorry for your loss you will have ups and downs just be kind to yourself there no time limit to greif I lost mum 14 years ago i still grieve it’s your body way of trying to process what happened but we’re here for you
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Hi sulane glad you managed to join the nobody wants to be part of yet here I am in it.i understand exactly what you mean about one minute you can feel bit better then bang feels like a hammer hits you and your back down in your dark hole,I really would recommend counselling if you can get a one to one it may just give you space you need to be you no pretending your fine to please others
Sadly some in my family had practically disowned me for been over emotional some even punish me if I wasn’t on top form and took there unkindness without questioning well through counselling it’s helped me see family or not family it’s simply cruel to do that to someone grieving there husband and I fully get you saying he’s not there to support you .I hope one day you’ll come through and learn to carry your grief wherever you go as seeing reality that’s sadly how it’s going to be and grief can be multiplied without the love around you I am sending big hugs
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Thank you (& same right back to you)
Morning sulane hoping you’re managing to give yourself time to reflect try remember it’s still very raw 6 months it’s no time at all.
If one thing I can say your pain will be forever yours itl become part of the new you.we don’t want a new life we want our own life .but gradually we become adapted to carrying our pain but there’ll be distinct differences walking alone possibly for the first time since you married I know for me it’s coming to 2 years I still sit wondering asking why wondering how I’ll face my unknown future I try to trust in what’s in front of me in the years ahead the only one thing I am guaranteed of is I’ll be alone until I die .
This yawning for my beautiful husband back eats away at me. I often feel how I’d cope if I had more love and support around me.one day they’ll feel what I do never will I leave them shut them out of my life in the way they have I just couldn’t I pity folk that can abandon the broken hearted it’s good we’ve got this club hold on in there eventually we do learn to live alongside our grief big hugs from my heart to yours
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What beautiful words, from a truly beautiful person inside and out, thank you so much for your words of comfort (more than you will ever know)
We are all in the same boat, one of the first threads I read on this site was about us all on the same journey out at sea, but all in our own boats on this rough sea that is now our life.
Just remember those words that hurt us, they just don’t understand how hard it is and until they go threw it themselves have no idea of this terrible place we have entered and will never leave, though we can & must learn to live there, some days hard, some days better. (I had someone who said they would be there for me until the funeral! Yes your pain goes magically away then.) Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself (not always easy) and as long as we have people on here to help us when we need it, we will get there. Big hug xxx
Sulane your powerful meaningful kind words has touched my heartstrings
It’s like you know me from the inner person I have became
Silly I know but saw advert on tv family with new baby neighbour turns up new mum says aw sorry we can’t settle her
As neighbour stood there with home made casserole saying thought you might like this .I cried as I cared round the clock for my husband not once did family arrive with any food and to make things worse they knew I wasn’t able to cook I was washed out drained but cherished every last moment caring for my husband and like you they gave up visits within weeks one day this pain will cross there paths not that I wish it upon them I certainly won’t behave towards them in way they have me I just couldn’t big hugs and sending you strength if only to take one step at a time 
It’s so hard, I know. I don’t have any family what so ever, my brother died, followed by my mam, then my dad finally my other brother, all within a 5 year period and I honestly thought I knew about bereavement, but threw those tough times Mark was there for me (Mark found my mam and 10 days later discovered his) This time I don’t have my rock to lean on, much less any family member, so if you feel there is any way try and forgive your family, remember they just don’t understand. We may never have met, but we can be there for each other. Take care & just do your best. Big hug xxx
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Sulane I am deeply saddened you’ve so much grief in your life far to much for one person ,
And now mark your rock soulmate not been there to carry you through ,yes I lost my brother tragically then as years past my parents couldn’t care for themselves myself and husband brought them to join our family 10 happy years caring for them we taught them to smile laugh again ,I felt lost when they both died within year of each other.then tragedy struck our life with the most unimaginable pain a mother could bear our child this couldn’t be but it was my world crumbled around me felt like my heart was been wrenched out of me like a tree from the ground I became a mess not knowing how to live this was unnatural but year by year came and went I’d feel physical pain in my heart I’d cry everywhere I went shops bus just anywhere I was completely out of control my husband became my rock my soulmate my everything our other child shouldn’t have had to experience all this grief at such a young tender age ,now my husband has died it’s me and our son he’s struggling without his dad we stick together.I do try to not lean on him yet at same time we talk on our grief I do have one caring loving sibling.and I guess the others are somewhat different I say this as deep down I know they care but wonder why they can’t show it but iam very forgiving as my husband also is my heart really goes to you I hope if you find strength to maybe think on something you and your husband done together even if it was just sit with cuppa and be there together you can one day sit with that cuppa and be with him he’s with you in soul and spirit I know it’s not the same as snuggling up together feeling his presence will come just baby steps try to be kind to yourself self care but only when your ready .oh you really have been through so so much .try to reach out there’s lots of support online try to reach out if only after talking your so exhausted you just sleep it’s time away from your pain ask for family I do love my family I know they just don’t get it I pray they’ll never endure the unimaginable grief I have .
There’s lots on grief if you Google it may help it may not but my heart 
goes out to you .no one should have amount of grief youv had and got and no mark to share with I will keep you in my thoughts and pray one day youl find inner peace and if a day you feel you can’t face remember it’s ok not to be ok 
That’s the thing here we are all suffering but hopefully doing our best to help each other threw these tough times. How old is your son? It took me a long time to make a pot of tea (we always had tea in a pot) I was just making it in a mug, but I do use the teapot now. I couldn’t cook (of I’m honest, I felt guilty, why should I eat, when Mark can’t? Silly I know but it’s how I felt. I felt when I did get passed that stage (though it wouldn’t have mattered if I was eating cat food or caviar, not that I’ve ever tasted either! It was just a case of I knew I had to eat to survive) it seemed a waste to put the oven on for one meal, so beginning of December I bought an Airfryer )though it took me till this weekend to open and use it!) It’s all just baby steps and finding what works for you. All you can do is take one day at a time, some days aren’t quite as hard as others and get your strength from the “easier days” (that’s a laugh, but you know what I mean) Take care of yourself and you know where we are when you need us, please don’t feel alone, we might not ever meet, but hay that maybe helps, is it easier talking like this, than face to face? I don’t know, the only thing I know is, that a hug goes a long way, so I send you a virtual hug as it’s the best I can do!
I feel just like you do i feel guilty for eating and also doing other things we did together
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Hi sulane I relate so much to you I have no idea why but I emptied every cupboard threw everything away defrosted freezer thrown all away not used cooker in 16 month going shopping is so hard everything I look at has a reminder like you why should I eat yet knowing iv no choice .our son is 40 he was making food bringing it round till I eventually reminded myself who the parent was.so I asked him stop I do go to him he cooks but I still can’t cook at home it’s like everything stopped the night my husband stopped breathing ,our son has suggested an air fryer he believes it’ll be easier but not got one as yet.he’s struggling as well devoted to his dad there relationship was second to none nothing his dad wouldn’t do for him such beautiful love .I trot along each week to my counselling wondering how I got the strength to get myself there .I often wonder what drives me to going .maybe I feel heard I don’t know but yet still I go.i mostly eat cold stuff microwave meals just awful I often wish we could survive without food it’s such a chore I call out to my husband then wondering where is he this can’t be it’s almost like iam in a movie been filmed and waiting for the end not knowing how it’s going to end
I say to our son try trust in the future every memory we have brings smiles often followed by hugs tears from the two of us
Thank you for sharing it’s like you truly understand how life without someone so precious soulmate rock can be so devastating when suddenly your alone sending you huge hugs back try to have self care hugs to you
Hi sue it’s sad when we have been forced to join a club we’re in but don’t want to be who really wants to be on here
But here I am well yes I
Can’t bear shops anymore food well it’s such a chore I don’t cook I havnt motivation nore energy I eat sandwiches mostly just to keep me going no matter what I say won’t help ease your pain but I can say I understand and we’re all here for each other my husband was and still is my soulmate I ask myself where is he yet in my arms he took his last breath , where did I gain strength caring for him he was meant to be with me here forever he’s the one I turn to he’s my everything my world nobody truly understands what we had together now here I am alone in our house it’s like everything stopped when my husband stopped breathing .I feel like I don’t even want to begin to do anything for myself I want to share with my husband .
Life has changed iv changed yet somehow we have to survive sending you lots of hugs we’re all here for each other
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I cared for my Husband for a year and a half he had colon and liver cancer and passed away 20th oct last year he was 60 years old my life its empty without him so i do not cook for my self i just snack on crisps and i have toast some times i was with my husband when he passed away was the hardest thing i have every had to do i thought he was fighting the cancer and he would be ok
Oh bless your aching heart it’s incredibly hard watching our loved ones deteriorate in front of our eyes feeling helpless it’s soul destroying
My husband was poorly for 7 months he was my soulmate iam nothing without him he was so incredibly brave never complained he took his last breath in my arms .I also tend to snack on anything that fills me up .
Life has changed forever i know I’ll never be the person I was again loneliness is so bad I talk to him as if he’s here grief can send you crazy in different ways .
I worry on dieting alone now my husband would do absolutely anything to help me our love was a bond that death can’t decide wel be together forever I just need to learn to wait sending you hugs I can’t say anything that will ease your pain I wouldn’t insult you with ridiculous questions iv had to face like well what would he say to see you like this .he’d want you be happy I could scream when these pointless remarks are made but people do but only those whom have no understanding on true grief that makes your heart physically ache yes you feel physically poorly it’s like your dying yet you know for your child you need to somehow survive I was grieving badly when caring for my husband he’s th3 one whom supported me made me laugh cry tears we shared everything together then role reversed I had to be strong I had to show him somehow I’d get through nobody but myself and my husband knew our deepest love any two people could have for each other,
Well your possibly saying the same right now I hope you manage to get through each heartbreaking day one step at a time that’s all we can do but somehow for me my husband is still here with me I hold his clothing close to my heart when sleeping I can smell his senses I hear his voice see his smiling face but I wholeheartedly wish we could cuddle up together as we once did cuddle each other lay next to each other I am sending you huge hugs
Sue I didn’t ask you do you have any family or a friend to support you
Yes i have 3 brothers and my husbands family
Well that’s good to hear I hope your able to get support you need from them
Must be so devastating on your husbands family loosing a child is completely soul destroying
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I lost my Mum she had the same cancer as my Husband she passed away 8th oct 2019
Yes it was so hard watching his Mum and Dad as they were both with me when he passed away had be strong and be there for both of them even though it felt like my whole world had fallen apart
Bless your heart sue ,that was so incredibly brave of you to feel you needed to stay strong for your husband’s parents,a mother myself I know the pain of loosing a child very tragically ,my husband was also as myself completely distraught felt like our world opened up and sucked us into a deep dark hole as time passed my husband could see how badly I was affected he became my rock soulmate I always said nothing can ever come close to hurting me again ,how wrong I was as loosing my husband is also loosing part of myself and yes I do hurt so badly ,try and allow yourself to open up to your husbands death and how much your hurting they very well may feel a connection from you for the love you and there son shared I truly feel your pain for you ,please remember it’s ok not to be ok and allow yourself to grieve there’s no right or wrong way just whatever feels right for you big hugs
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