Why is it getting harder

It’s 5 months since I lost my husband and I feel worse now than when it first happened, I cry at the slightest thing, I struggle to do things that before would have been so easy for me before. Each day just seems to roll into the next day, the same routine same loneliness even when I am with people I feel like I am on the outside just looking in :cry:


Dear @Su2

I am sorry you are feeling worse now than when you lost your husband. This is perfectly normal and part of the grieving process.

Sometimes grief can just hit you out of the blue months after you have lost a loved one and that is known as delayed grief. This is also perfectly normal what you are going through.
You can connect with members here under the topic Losing a Partner who have experienced what you are going through. The support here is incredible. Have you considered talking to your GP for support and telling them how you feel. There could be local support groups in your area you could join.

Here at Sue Ryder there is useful bereavement and support pages. It would be worth taking a look.

Please continue to reach out here and if there is any more information or help you need please email online.community@sueryder.org.

Take care.


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Hi Sue2 I could have written your first sentence. it is 5 months for me too since my partner passed away and this week has been just awful. Its as bad, if not worse ,than when she first went. I thought I was coming to terms with everything but it seems maybe not. You’re not alone in whats happening to you . I’m sure other people aside from us have experienced the same thing. Best wishes.


Thank you Peterj thank you for replying it’s comforting in some ways to know it’s not just me, Best wishes and take care.

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Hi Sue2
I am exactly the same…
I lost my husband 5 months ago and for the first few months I think I was in shock sorting everything out, and utting on a bit of a front to everyone
I got through his birthday, Christmas and my birthday, and then the day after my birthday I was ill, and reality hit, and things got much harder… but I think that for me it was because I had kept going and was almost pushing reality away, and being poorly forced me to have to face up to what had happened. Now, like you, I cry at anything and the trivial things I coped with a few months ago are like a huge deal
Even putting the bin out just now was a big effort…
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone atall in feeling this way… everything is still so raw and painful xx


Hi Su2,Thanks for posting your feelings, I am only 3 months down the line and feel exactly like you are explaining, its getting worse, I am crying more now than when my wife first died, I avoid people if I know they will either ask me how I am or speak about my wife, as I know I wont be able to control my emotions and I will starting crying, I like the way you have explained that you are on the outside looking in, as that is exactly how I am feeling, but not found how to explain this until I have read your posting.
Thanks again and take care x

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I was told this analogy by cruse last year that when you loose a significant person in your life the brain sort of freezes, it allows you to function and take care of some issues that need attention, then over the months it slowly defrosts and at this time more and more feelings are felt and emotions try to process the pain and hurt we all feel. I lost my wife of 38 years in Feb 2021 and even now i struggle to process everything. its now the small things that catch me out, they come out of the blue, i have no expectations as far as my grief is concerned, I still take the days as they come and try to deal with whatever happens on that day, I can do no more.


Thank you for posting this.
It makes me understand more the way I have been feeling.
I lost my husband of 41 years in Sep 2022 uexpectantly and dealt with everything in a sort of haze…
his funeral, sorting paperwork, his birthday, Christmas, my birthday, and then reality hit…(or the defrosting)!
Now the emotions that I felt I should have been feeling in the beginning ,are well and truly here and they are deep, and powerful and sometimes overwhelming.
As you say, the brain goes into survival mode.
Thank you again for posting this…it has helped me to understand the grieving process…

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Hi Tonyo42,
Thank you for your explanation, that is really good to know. The human brain is an amazing thing. It makes sense. My husband passed away just over two months ago and I’m definitely feeling a lot more now than I did initially. I am so sorry you lost your lovely wife and are on this terrible journey too.
Take care,

Hi Su2
i am in week 17 of my wife passing away just before Christmas, Today i went back to our hometown where we first met. Every corner an street had all the memories flooding back to me. This was the first time i went back on my own .
On Rebecca 65th birthday we went to Mexico to celebrate it, today i passed a shop that Rebecca bought a dress specially to wear there, that was enough to feel the heartache an empty feeling we sadly all have.
Hopefully things will get better for you an everyone in our situation as time goes on.I am 73 Rebecca was 72,We had 53 years together an celebrated our 50 years married last May so that date is coming up soon.
Sorry for rambling on.
God Bless You Su2 .


Lost Joyce last October after 54 years married and I feel just as bad today as i was the first day I lost her , friends and family keep saying it’ll get easier but for me it’s getting harder, Joyce was my soul ,my rock,my everything still expecting her to come walking through the door, just can’t see a way forward, I’m trying the best I can but finding it so hard…


Hi Bert,
You are definitely not rambling on! I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely wife. It can’t have been easy for you to go back to your home town, but you did it so you should be proud of yourself. It’s so difficult trying to do things on our own, it just doesn’t feel the same. Especially as you and Rebecca were together for such a long time. Am sure you have lots of lovely memories of your time together, I hope they will give you comfort as time goes on.
My husband passed away just over 2 months ago, at 41 and it’s been quite a rollercoaster of emotions. All we can do is try to get through each day as best we can.
Take care.

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Hi Gordie. I also lost my partner last Oct. I won’t tell you it gets better because it doesnt every little thing reminds me of her but for me what it has done is get a little easier. The things that remind me still cause tears on occation but mostly I cope. I know we all grieve differently but you will get through it because we all have to. I’m hugely sorry for your loss. My very best wishes to you.

Thank you Amanda
I just seen we are both in Northern Ireland i am in Antrim town, your husband passing away at such a young age must be very hard for you. Rebecca had not been well for some time the last few months her health really deteriorated she was in an out of hospital . The last time Rebecca was admitted after a few tests an her medical history the Drs said she would not be strong enough to have the surgery she needed.
Rebecca passed away about 8 hrs later with my daughter an myself at her side holding her hand an stroking her brow. the last words she spoke to us was; You are all very good to me; We told her she was always good to us an we loved her. She then went to sleep an never woke up.
God Bless you Amanda

Hi there and thank you so much for your lovely message. Yes I live in N Ireland, I grew up in Belfast but moved to Bangor when I got married. I am ashamed to say I have never been to Antrim, am sure it’s lovely. N Ireland is a great wee place to live :slightly_smiling_face:. It’s so hard watching your loved one spend lots of time in hospital. Am so sorry that you had to go through that. I hope it is some comfort that you and your daughter were able to be with Rebecca right until the end and were able to tell her how much you loved her. My husband was in and out of hospital quite a lot over the last year or so as the chemotherapy was pretty rough on him. He was so positive and brave throughout the whole chemotherapy treatment but unfortunately we knew it was a terminal diagnosis from the beginning. His mum and I were able to be with him in the hospital for the last few days. Am so glad we were able to do that and he knew we were there.
Take care of yourself.
Amanda :slightly_smiling_face:

No need to be ashamed about never been in Antrim ,there is some lovely places for walks etc. we would usually have went to Portrush if we got a reasonable weather forecast. Rebecca an myself would also go to Bangor for a change we were there last year a few times . i do take comfort in that my daughter an myself were with Rebecca when she passed away. In these times of Covid a lot of people were not given the choice to be with there loved one,s.
It is nice to hear from someone in Northern Ireland.
Hope you feel a little better soon.
Take Care.

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Hi peterj,thanks for your kind words, as you will probably know you can be having a pretty good day and the slightest thing or saying brings everything back ,was just trying to come to terms with it then my son lost his wife about 6 weeks ago ,she was 48 and it hit me hard , I have a static caravan and she used to use it , he’s now going through it , it’s just been a terrible 6 months,they say these things come to try us but I feel like I’m really being tested, hopefully things will start getting a bit better, you take care of yourself and your keep safe Gordon…

Hi I lost my husband 6 months ago
Today has been bad it got to the point that I just wanted him back
I feel sick in my stomach , I feel lost , I’ve cried most of the day


Caz welcome, I lost my husband 6 months ago as well so do know a bit how you are feeling I know all of us do feel things differently but there are very few days I don’t cry. There is lots of support on here so hopefully it will be of some help. Take care x

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Hi Caz. Lost my partner of 28 years to cancer last year. I’m so sorry for your loss. Keep posting on here because you’re talking to people that totally understand.

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