@Pearsons66. positive thoughts day, I’m going to try that, good luck xx
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Im going to try I’ve hit a brick wall this week. Have cried every day for hours. My head aches and i loik dreadful. Russ would be sad to see me like this. My grandaughter has the keys to her flat and he would havebeen so excited 1 because it meant we had the house back to ourrselves and 2 because he knows hos hard she has worked to get her own home.
Instead im crying because ill be here in my own which is very selfish.
Its 4 months since he was taken from us. Feels more raw every day.
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If you know how happy and proud he would have been for her then use that as positive energy to help her and have some happy memories of this day and will hopefully be happy for you too !
Grandpa would have been proud so can you
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HUGS - not easy, but try and keep busy - keep positive (easier said than done i know) - good day and bad days. Life does go on, our other halfs would not want to see us like this (they would want us to be happy - i know that) - x
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Yeh but you dont always feel happy do you ? Its a flipping mind field out there !!! Ive decided x
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A mine field is an apt analogy I think ! You think you’re having a good day and then you put a foot wrong and a memory or association blows your brain and heart into a thousand pieces
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And not just what youre going through but also the world is such a mess too and people ? Well i dont understand a lot of them tbh … why people have to be so difficult too !!! 
not everybody but a lot are xx
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yes agree - one moment your ok and quite happily going about your day - then the next min your dead upset…its not just you, your not alone in feeling this. But you have to dust yourself off and go again…thats what i try and do…
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Yeh i try to do that too but sometimes dont always work ! Coming up to year anniversary and i think i miss him more than i ever did ! I realise how empty my life is now without him in it ;( nearly 362 days without seeing the love of my life and all i have left is my memories … no cuddles , no laughs anymore its all so sad xxx
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@Deb5 i know exactly what you mean, I had no idea that there was this depth of sadness, I though i was going ok today but then something just triggered me and that was the end of that. Missing my husband so much how do we move on, it’s impossible x
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Same @Kathy6 just fell apart this afternoon for no bloody reason apart from the fact i miss his voice i miss him talking and laughing - he was such a happy man and its so cruel what happened to him … ife just isnt fair at all ! How far are you jnto this nightmare journey @Kathy6 ? x
@Deb5 my husband died end of September this year, so it’s early days for me. I was hoping that it could get a bit easier but judging by posts on here, that doesn’t happen. It’s very hard isn’t it? X
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It seems to go in peaks and troughs to be honest ! When its a significant date coming such as the year for me - it sets you off again ! I miss him so much … i had such a deep love for him - i just wish he was here! He protected me from all the strange people in the world … he was my protector , my rock and my protector. Xx
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It’s 6 weeks since I lost my lovely Trevor. My son Joseph and I put the tree up. It was so difficult as Trevor always did the lights and bossed us around if we didn’t put the small baubles at the top and the big ones at the bottom. I cried unwrapping the baubles as he had wrapped them all individually - even though they are plastic! I miss him so much. I ordered a special bauble with his name on which will be on the tree now forever.
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Oh i wasnt allowed to make crucial decisions like that, i just put the tree up and the lights on and then left it to the experts lol. I was responsible for other more important things like making sure there was a bottle of Baileys and a bottle of Gordon’s ready to hand to lubricate the artistic ones.
This year we decided that Elissa would be apalled if we didnt make the effort so my daughter and grandchildren are having a party to put the tree up next weekend - Im sure my beautiful granddaughter Thea (18 mths) will help put the chocolates on granddads tree lol. I used to get into trouble if we ran out of xmas tree chocolates
I know my place lol
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@Littlewhitebird its such a difficult time to be happy and jolly like we used to be, it’s my birthday tomorrow I have to get past that first. My family are coming so I have to try to be happy, don’t think I will be convincing, wish me luck x
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@Kathy6 i agree it’s so hard to try and be happy and joyful… i will be thinking of you tomorrow 
xx
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Yes i was gonna get one of those baubles too with his name on but havent got round to it ! I was same getting decorations out ! Just another reminder hes not here
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@Kathy6 really not good 
falling deeper and deeper into the darkness… struggling to cope everyday even more… i just feel so alone and lost! everything is worrying me… im constantly in panic mode, chest pains, physical pain everywhere… i just don’t know what to do anymore xx
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