Many of us have been caring for our loved ones for quite a while, my own wife started to become poorly in 2018 but things started to improve a little I n 2019 when she was treated for Parkinson’s but she started to deteriorate again during lockdown and her condition has been re diagnosed as MSA (ie terminal terminal) since May 2021. The ride has been a physical and emotional rollercoaster since then.
I have loved and cared for her all this time and accepted that her condition has impacted significantly on both our lives whether that’s missing important family events like weddings and birthdays etc, time with friends (although we have tried to include her by having friends and family to visit for birthdays and Christmas etc.
I will love and miss her to the end of my days but I am slowly rebuilding my life one step at a time. Elissa and I were actively involved in charity work via our rotary club so my first step was to ease myself into that and create a legacy that she would be proud of - pushing myself hasn’t been easy and I need some quiet down time at home alone (except for the furry one).
We all cope differently and I hope that you can find some light at the end of the tunnel in these dark days
@Scarl34 I feel very down now it’s over and my daughter and sister have gone home. It would be lovely to chat with Carl and tell him all about it, I miss him so much. How are you doing, you have been very down, I’m thinking of you and wish you well, lots of love xxx
@Kathy6 i know you do, it’s so unfair!!
not been good, another low weekend full of pain and upset and just absolute misery?
i don’t know how i can live like this forever i really don’t? xx
@Kathy6 i have felt exactly the same and its just so hard to know how we can move forward. I keep on thinking whatever i do will not bring my dave back so i will cry my tears and try and get through each day as best as i can Xx
@Scarl34@Sue338 It is so unfair why did this happen to us…… there is no answer to that and so the pain and grief goes on.
I sometimes think, has this been a really bad dream and it didn’t really happen, but then the grief and nightmare starts all over again.
I am really lucky to have lovely family who brighten me up at times, but boy do I fall when they leave and go home to their chosen lives and I am left with the remains of mine.
I really think Christmas looming ahead is a real trigger isn’t it, I will be so glad when it is over, there is a future, we just have to find it, sending hugs xx
I really wish we could get together and talk about this x
Yeh i hope i have bit of a future too but some days dont feel like there is ! Feel so bogged down underneath all the grief and loss ! Nice your family cheer you up ! All mine do is make me feel worse !!
Ya know what annoys me where i live … these wally people who look at me all sadly ! I dont want pity ! I know how awful this is ! Im quite aware - so they neednt make me feel worse about it !!! Makes me really cross ! As you say you just need lifting up at a time like this xx
@kathy6 it is so unfair why did this happen to us. I met my dave 13 years after i had been on my own for 4 years after the break down and a divorce from my husband of 30 years. Dave showed me that i was wirthy of love again and he made me feel so special. Now he has gone and its so unfair.
I am lucky to have my family and daves family who will ensure i am okay and are there for me. That is lovely but my pain continues and like you the nightmare starts all over again.
Thank you so much for lustening to me xx
Just read your post- don’t really know how to reply but, hang in there don’t let cancer win and ruin your life too. Yes it’s sad, and so unfair. I lost my wife to cancer 4 months ago. Done the sitting at home feeling miserable and in despair. Still have days of hurt. Have days of optimism. Wish I could turn back the clock, but you can’t. We have to deal with the hand we have been dealt. Trying to make the most of that and not let the consequences of cancer consume you as well.,don’t let in win. I was invited out on a date a week ago, never went at first- then decided why not (or do I sit in on my own again) - decided to go. Met a very nice person who is very understanding. Not my wife- but had a nice time talking and being normal. Do I feel guilty ? - yes, but of what I don’t know—very confusing atm. But I suppose what I am saying is hang in there. Things change and will do so for you as well. You have to accept things have changed ( I suppose)- hope this offers a different perspective and gives a bit of hope for you.
Thank you so much for your reply i completely understand where you are coming from and it is refreshing to hear a different perspective and how you are dealing with the loss of your wife. Thank you sue x
Yeh very honest @Pearsons66 . I met somebody walking the dog … but seems to have fizzled out as i hardly see him anymore with cold weather ! Its a tough life now and nothing seems certain anymore like it once was xx
Hi DEb5 - yeh its hard isnt it - and sometimes when you meet other people they just dont understand do they - keep positive though. Not saying i am some sort of expert or know all the answers but keep busy - keep positive, and dont give up. Its difficult i know now we are all in this ‘club’
No youre right - some people just dont understand and throw in "theres nowt so queer as folk " jeez were up against it arent we ? trying to be positive but just cant achieve it some days ! Its just not fair ! He was such a lovely man. I miss him so much xx
@Sue338 . It’s our special person we miss, other company can be great, but it’s never the same as having our husband and best friend, the one we love and the one we confide in who understands us. I will always miss that what ever happens in the future. Take care all xx
@Kathy6 you are so right. I have just had an incident happen at home with my granddaughter and dave was my rock and my best friend who would have been there to support me and be my shoulder to cry on.
However i dealt with it and hopefully he would of been proud of me xx
@Kathy6 i am absolutely dreading xmas i didn’t even realise how close it is until today when someone in work mentioned it… i just don’t want to even wake up xmas morning and face it?
i hate this is life now it’s so cruel and just pure agony xx
@Scarl34 there are really no words, but remember that you have got this far, you have done so well, I know you don’t think you have, you should be proud. It will all be over soon (Christmas that is). You have a family who love you, sending hugs xx
@Kathy6 yes i just want it over now so i can stop hearing/seeing all these cheery people, xmas everywhere…
but then its starting a new year without him, so i doubt i will feel any different??
hope your doing ok? xxx
xx