Hi YorkshireLad
Not sure where my destination will be,but think you have to hold onto something,and hope’s about all i can muster up at the moment.Had a moment today where i thought if i could only run to the top of a mountain and scream,think that would have made me feel better,but i cannot run,iv’e got osteoarthritis in hip,walking up that mountain maybe not have the same effect.
Oh yes Tennants,sounds like you enjoyed it,Dalesbred tup,are they your Yorkshire sheep.?I think it’s always good to buy something wherever you go,i even have my daughters bringing me back something from wherever they visit,i tell them not to spend much,last thing i received was a small glass butterfly from Venice,she was there when the dangerous floods were happening,sent me photos through of her ploughing through Venice streets,water up to her shoulders nearly.X
Yes I remember the major floods in Venice. I think it’s just something they have to get used to there.
Dalesbred sheep are a crossbreed between Swaledale and Scottish Blackface. It’s a beautiful specimen groomed ready for showing. I was talking to a couple of women about it and one asked me if there was anything significant as to why I bought it. I didn’t know what to say… not often I’m speechless… and her friend asked her if she knew what a tup was. Poor lass was quite embarrassed which let me off the hook. It gave everyone listening a good laugh.
I’ve already decided I’m going to draw it when I eventually get it. I don’t often buy photos but as soon as I saw it I knew I had to have it.
As for destinations I don’t think it needs to be fixed. I often find the journey is often more important than arrival. We will just keep moving on… wandering.
Hi there all. I just feel everyday is a challenge now. I try to do something. I do get upset but keep it under wraps if in public. I’ve sobbed my heart out at home a couple of times today. I then make myself do something, I did have a word with my smiling husband (photo) and asked him why he’s left me in such a state. He sits on my coffee table with a big grin on his face while I’m having a good cry. Is it really fair that we have to pay such a price for being in love???
It’s like a broken record. I felt I was beginning to turn a bit of a corner, then it comes back and hits you in the face. Again and again. Been positive for a few days, now back to being suicidal without the possibility of actually doing it. Just no future, no hope nothing x
Good morning Stevie. I’m sorry you’re feeling low today. I’m afraid that’s our lot now and it will continue to come at us in waves. When I’m having a bad day I look at a framed Pooh Bear quote:
"If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember,
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’LL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU."
Another one is:
“How lucky am I to have had something this good to lose?”
On that note Stevie perhaps take a look at the ‘Giving Thanks’ thread - lots of good comments on there.
Going back to Pooh, it is said he is a bear of very little brain but actually I think he’s rather wise…
Sending love to help you through your day. Xx
Thanks Kate sorry, just had enough of this unhappiness and hurt.
I feel so much for your pain Stevie. Hope your having a better day today. I’m having a reasonable day for once. Walked the dogs, visited a food bank (to donate veg), went shopping, walked the dogs again. During my day had a chat with a number of ;people. It’s awful I know. Wish I could say more to help you. Keep going Stevie. Hugs xxx
Trying so hard but failing, I’ve said to myself a year. I will try for a year if things are as bad then as they are now, they are not going to get any better. Then no one can say I didn’t try. Xxxx
You seem to be one of the more positive amongst us and your words are very encouraging.I have just passed the eight month anniversary of losing my lovely Roy,i’m starting to feel a bit scared because I seem to be getting worse by the day,in a terrible downward spiral.My sister who lives and works in India has flown home for a few days because she is worried about me,it is wonderful to see her and I am lucky to have such a kind sister,but even with her here I feel at rock bottom,had to take some time off work,everything just seems so unbelievably bleak.Love to you all xx
Hi all
Just thinking the most positive thing i get from this site is, i appreciate how i can come on here and read all your posts sharing your struggles with each other,and we all know there isn’t a resolution at the end of our situation,the problem cannot be solved.Yet the words written on this site are so meaningful,it’s like their’s no pretence,it’s almost like grief drags every truth out,every emotion felt ,nothing is hidden.Seems like none of us can ever be fixed,but at a time where we are most vulnerable,we bear all,not a weakness in my mind,but a beautiful strength xx
Great observations Robina. I love the term 'beautiful strength’s - thank you, I think it applies to us all on this forum. Xx
How true Robina. Our struggles are shared, we don’t feel so alone. I would never have thought I could do what I’m doing now. I talk to my husband everyday, just as if he’s with me physically and I tell him what I’m doing here and how we all ‘talk’ and encourage each other through our dark days. We talk about our loved ones and I realised how much love we all have, how we are sharing that love with each other. My Brian is never out of mind… I try to notice everything around me, trying to keep my brain from continually struggling. I suppose I just don’t want to be a ‘victim’. Where am I going to end up, I have no idea, just take one day at a time.
Stevie wee, I do so worry about you, I wish I could do or say more to help you. I know it’s a hard struggle isn’t it. Have you no family member/friend you can talk to, let them know your pain, it’s time you shared it. Have you a hobby you can do. We have allotments and I find these a lifesaver. without my husband it’s now a lot to do, but at the moment I relish in the hard work. and the company. Everyday I try to be thankful for what I have. Health, sight, hearing, I can walk, my lovely dogs etc. Take in the beauty around me. That’s an idea, have you thought about a dog. Such wonderful company, unconditional love and something you will have to care for and when you go out for walks, you will meet up with other dog walkers and most will have a chat or a smile, fresh air, exercise Just a thought. I know of many cases of a dog helping someone who is bereaving or depressed. Keep trying Stevie and don’t give up. Were here. xxxxxx
Hi pattidot I am being a bit selfish I have 3 of my own boys and I have 3 stepchildren from Denise and we are all very close. Grandkids as well, I love them all dearly but without Denise I think what’s the point. We are just expected to keep going on and on. I have a dog but I am struggling to keep him, work has to take priority and I don’t want him to suffer because of that. I’m trying to involve dog walkers family etc but it’s a struggle. I have been on a bichon site and a family would be happy to take him and let me visit or take him anytime. So that might be the answer, il miss him but I want him to be happy. I just can’t get it in to my head that she’s gone, she’s not coming back. I miss her so much. What future is their for us all. I don’t know, I never thought my life would be done at 57 but there we are. Will I see her again I hope so, life would be so different if I knew I would. Thank you for caring xxxc
Hi Pattidot
Yes it’s strange how grief brings out so much honesty,i suppose that,s why sites like these are a form of therapy and can help,you can say it how it is.I agree Pattidot,i don’t want to feel like a victim either,i realise that is not a healthy place to be in,i am suffering while surviving.Your posts show you have a persistence to keep going,and i enjoy reading all the things you do in a day,you are quite busy.Today i have been tackling some practical jobs,mending the gate in the back yard,can’t say i know what im doing but who cares.Then my 4 yr old grandaughter was here for a few hours,so i spent most of that time playing with play doh,and putting the arm back on her doll.
It’s ok you are not on your own there,none of us know where we end up,keep your mind in the moment best way xx
I have found that when I do something positive, even if it’s something I might have taken for granted before my loss I give myself a pat on the back for even coping. If it’s something that’s out of my comfort zone then I’m even more pleased. When I ‘talk’ to Brian in the cemetery or his picture on the coffee table at home I let him know what i’ve done. I actually hope he’ll be pleased with me. Family just arrived to help me clean out the loft. Ugg
Hi Stevie
Just read your post and I’m having same problems. I also have a bichon that I adore but I work 12 hour nights and don’t want to leave all night on his own. My daughter is still living with me so no problems at the minute but she is due to move out soon so what happens then goodness knows. Ollie was Margaret’s dog and it will kill me if I have to give him up.
Take care William
It’s really hard William. I love peanut to bits and I’m going to try to make it work. But I don’t want him to suffer loneliness as well as me x
Hi
Yes that,s a good way to keep going ,I’m sure your Brian will be very proud,my hubby called Brian too.I talk to him every day,like you.Hope you got your loft sorted xx
I’ve read all of this thread and cried. I don’t hear my late husband but objects remind me of him. After 8 months of grieving I went back to work and it all came back…he used to call me, but the phone is now silent as he is gone. I do feel that what I’ve gone through, the grief, the pain, the endless crying, have been necessary. It’s odd that you don’t get a headache after this sort of crying, it’s a very different phenomena. I feel strongly that we each only have one life, and it is full of loss and also rays of happiness, and death comes soon enough, so I cast the thoughts of suicide away. We all have our time alive and had the situation been reversed and I had died leaving my husband, I would comfort my grieving husband and tell him everything would be alright but different, and I would be so sad if he then killed himself. I would say to him tenderly, grieve as you must but don’t waste your life in misery, remember me and the good times we had and build your life with that as your foundation. I now go to the restaurants we went to, and smile and say table for one. They know and are so kind. I will not give up, I will carry on alone, and although I miss him and will cry often I will not squander the time I have left or harm myself any more.