Hello
3 weeks ago i lost my wife of 8 years to cancer. She was my whole world and now i feel so alone and overwhelmed with everything. I’ve never joined a group like this before but i am hoping to find people who can relate to me and help me. I am finding it hard to see a future right now but i know i have to move on which right now sounds like the worst thing i can say. This is by far the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through and i don’t know how people manage to do it. So here i am asking for advise and support from complete strangers who the only connection is an experience that we can relate to
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I’m so sorry for the recent loss of your wife. I can most certainly relate to you as I lost my wonderful husband in July after 55 years together. I’m further on into this waking nightmare and everything you are experiencing now is absolutely normal, as you are in the very early stages of grief. I can only tell you that for me the best way through was to take each day as it comes and eat when you feel like you can. As time goes by the pain has reduced and happiness has come back into my life. I can watch him on video and remember all the love we had for each other without crying. I don’t know if you have people around you who can help but I was able to lean on my family for support. I’m thinking of you and sending you a big hug.X
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Hi, i am so sorry for the loss of your wife. Im am at a similar place to you, i lost my husband 27 days ago, he was my absolute world, im so lost without him. The first 2 weeks felt a bit of a blur, i cired constantly but had so much to do, in organising his funeral. I will be honest i am finding it harder and harder with each day. I feel so lost and alone and dont see i have a purpose. But i know he would want me to find a way to smile. I am fortunate to have a loving small support around me, but as good as they are they dont truly understand. This group and others i have found honestly do help, as everyone on here knows exactly how we are feeling.
All i am trying to do is take it hour by hour, day by day.
I have found that writing in a journal at the end of the day, which i write to my husband helps me a little.
Im sorry i am unable to offer much help, but know that you i understand and feel your pain.
Sending love and hugs x
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I totally relate. Nothing ever prepares you for times like this. At no point did i ever think that this would happen but here we are trying to cope with what we’ve been given to deal with
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@Asters , So sorry for your loss, my wife passed away 10 weeks ago, so know some of what you a feeling. Time will allow you to focus somewhat, not sure “heals” is the answer, more like you learn the tools to help you cope, which if you look at some of my posts, is still a problem for me. I do hope you have some people around you to help, please except the help. Best wishes to you.
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Sorry for your loss ,i lost my husband to terminal cancer January this year to terminal cancer so i can relate to how you are feeling right now ,Give yourself time to process your grief,just take one day at a time.
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Thank you, I’m sorry for your loss too. Week 1 there was alot of people messaging and visiting which helped but now at week 3 the messages have stopped and people have returned to their normal lives where i have this huge huge void to try and navigate through each passing hour. I try to get out of the house each day but I find myself walking around aimlessly just thinking over the last part of her life.
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I am almost two years in this grief journey. It is upsetting how quickly people get back to normal life. The calls stop and you are left to get on with life. I found planning something for each day helped. Routine of going to work also helped. Structure to the day or I would just sit in a fog and the day would go.
Life does get easier but the grief will never go you just learn to live with it and cope better.
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@Asters Sorry you’ve had to find your way here. You are in the right place at the moment, and I hope you take comfort in some of the posts on this forum. In due course, you will be ok. Not now. But you will be.
Best wishes
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@Asters i am 2yrs 5 months into the grief journey. When i think back to the first 6mths from what i can remember, it was hell on earth. It passed and i kept reaching out when i felt i was at rock bottom. Still hurst like hell and from the hour i wake to the time i go asleep i think of my linda. I cope , have found way to distract, pull myself away from the edge. Just thankful i found my soulmate and grateful for the 43 glorious years we had together as not everyone is so fortunate. The key is to look after yourself , try to stay as healthy as you can, as illness and grief are a toxic combination. Kindness to us all, and yor will find a way through. Allen.
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Thank you all for your kind words. I feel understood which i haven’t really felt up to now.
So i’ve just opened a letter from my employers which said that i can have “a reasonable” amount of time off as long as i produce a not fit for work note from the doctors. I understand life has to move on but i am now feeling pressure when we haven’t even had the funeral yet.
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Please don’t heap more worry on your shoulders. Make an urgent appointment with your GP and explain the situation. Although I’m retired I still had a phone call appointment and my GP was extremely helpful with enabling me to cope. Remember, we are all in this together and here for each other when we need support. Sending you hugs.X
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Get a Not fit for work note, its easy. Just ring or email doctor. It will take the pressure off and when your ready, go back to work. It took me 4 months to go back for 1 hour a day at the beginning but it was the best thing i did. Make a list of everything you feel you need to do. Prioritise it with most urgent at the top and deal with each as you need to. Facing anything would be challenging, your memory short and fatigue may set in.
We all have unique experiences of grief but we all understand.
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I am in a similar position after losing my wife of 24 years after a 2.5 year battle with cancer, I am 49 and my wife was 46. I used to think I would be able to cope with the loss but each day is a struggle. If it wasn’t for my 2 sons (14&17) I don’t think I would be coping. Everyone says it will get easier but at moment each day is harder than the last.
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Asters, I am so sorry that your wife died and that she suffered with cancer; it is a most horrible nightmare that has come true. Confused, numb, in limbo, anxious, sad, depressed, exhausted, fearful, panicked, walking in a dense fog, spinning in circles, no short term memory, unable to eat or sleep, nauseous, intestinal issues, paperwork, funeral preparations, government forms, unable to drive? These are all normal as I have learned here.
I have made it 11 weeks by taking each day hour by hour. We are all overwhelmed and not in our right minds and can only process so much at a time. I make a list of 5 things I must do each day, do them, mark them off, and I have a visual of accomplishments to remind me that I am still functioning in the fog, albeit at a slow pace.
Pay the bills, feed yourself and the pets, cry until there are no more tears. Eat only good, nutritious food (you won’t be eating much so make it count) and make yourself eat. Stay hydrated. Take your meds and vitamins. Sleep when you can. If you only sleep 4 or 5 hours, it is okay, it won’t always be so. Your body won’t let you be sleep deprived for too long.
You are in the early days and it is hard, really hard. But, I hope that knowing what you are feeling is universal to all widowers and widows gives you some relief. By now you understand that no one knows like those who are in your shoes.
I’ve gotten so much help here, I hope you do as well.
Much love.
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@hamster75 so sorry you are here - the place no one wants to be, I lost my husband on 8 October he was only 56.
It is incredibly tough for you at the moment and I hope you find words of comfort here. In time, whenever that may be, you will live at one with your grief. One day, it will be ok. Not yet, but one day.best wishes.
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@hamster75 My wife was 49 and I’m 47. I have 2 girls who are 17 and 18 so very similar. So sorry for your loss and that fact we are both on here. I agree with you it feels like it’s getting harder and harder.
@PeachesDixon you’ve summed it up perfectly
Thank you all for the lovely messages
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@Asters Sorry you found your way here, but hopefully messages of support will help, even a little. Stick around and let us know how you are getting on.
Don’t (easier said than done) feel the pressure, just get that fit note from the doc, you will be just fine.
It is incredibly tough, no denying that, but over time (and how knows when that will be), life will become a little more bearable, and you will be ok. Not now, but you will, in due course.
Best wishes.
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Hi Asters and to all those out there, suffering a loss of a loved one.i can definitely connect ,I lost my husband of 54 yrs to Mesothelioma.This cruel disease took away everything, we believed the treatment would give him some extra time to carry out his wishes,.it wasn’t to be ,I am struggling in so many ways emotionally, physically and drained.
I do believe this site is a help ,a good support , just to know we are not alone, we can say how or what we feel.We need not suffer in silence , we are hear to listen,talk and offer support.
I have connected to a local bereavement group,only been the once, initially I was scared , worried, didn’t know what to expect, but honestly I am glad I went, I am actually looking forward to going again,
the welcome,the support and comfort was beyond words, I know I am not alone.
But yes behind closed doors, I am a mess
struggling to go forward ,there are times when I just want to sleep, switch my phone off and just not be here, but having my granddaughter age 12 permanently living with gives me a purpose ,a focus , I have to go forward, for her and my own sanity.i am reading a book that was given to her by the counseling group,to help her understand, age appropriate, easy
reading .Tbh I have not yet finished reading it yet.
Yes I am still struggling but it has
helped me understand a bit about grief,my guilt, my feelings , anxiety ,which are all perfectly normal to feel.
Title is "You will be ok " .
I am truly sorry for your losses but we need to support and connect to each other x Thank you , apologies for long post xx
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Hello @kidsangel123 no apology needed for a long message. I’m so sorry you are also here and thank you for posting on my thread. It’s not nice to hear how you are feeling or what you are going through but i can also understood it (as we all know.)
Talking on here i am finding it much more helpful than to someone who hasn’t been through the loss like we have so thank you all that have posted on this
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