Hi,
My husband died last Aug. We have no children. I don’t mean to upset anyone who does have children. I know that must have it’s own challenges. However Im really struggling, trying to find something, anything that makes this more than an existence.
Every "inspirational ’ story has someone saying they hold on for their children. Their children needed them etc etc.
I have friends and family and I am genuinely so grateful. I have no idea what I’d do without them. But I am an obligation. I’m not fun to be around. I’m really surplus to requirements. And it’s exhausting putting on a face. I need to gear myself up to every interaction. I’m tired of feeling the pressure to meet up when I know it’s done with a sense of, albeit kind and noble, duty.
Oh and I don’t have a dog either to ‘keep me going’… He died a few years back. I’m not having a dig at dog owners either. Dogs are amazing but I don’t think I can take the inevitable heartache of that again.
I’d apologise for the self pity but I think that’s all there is.
Hi i understand how you feel i lost my husband Oct last year and we had no children its so hard as i feel i have nothing to carry on living for i feel so alone
Thank you @sue11 .
It’s really hard to tell people you don’t see a point without folk kicking off some suicide prevention talk like there is something wrong with me. So I don’t say it out loud.
I am hopeful that I just need to let this totally break me before I can find the path but in the meantime I wish I could just say ‘I don’t see any point’ and be able to howl and folk to say that’s ok. It’s normal.
I’m the first of my contemporaries to become a widow and although we’ve all lost parents, siblings, freinds, its not the same. I’m not playing grief top trumps, but different losses are different. My mum and my father in law are widowed but its hard to talk to them in any depth for different reasons. I know I need to do alone but sometimes it’s just too much xx
Hi I know what you mean. I have two grown up children and one grandchild but I’m finding it extremely hard. I miss my husband every second of every day. I don’t think that will ever change. This life now I just find awful. I applaud those that find meaning and purpose but at present I can’t. Sendibg love.X
Same. I’m 38 and have no children, we never wanted any. We liked going away and doing our own thing. Just after he died I did wonder if we should have had kids then I realised that if we had they would have already lost their dad. My mam died at 42 so if I follow her then they would be parentless in a few years anyway. Makes me glad that we didn’t have them to be honest.
I feel the same as you, I walked into his mams the other day and her and her other son were chatting away then I arrived and we were all moping again. I did apologise for dragging the mood down but I can’t help it. His mother likes to make small talk a lot even if it’s something you’ve talked about a hundred times before, she hates silence and will try and fill it with anything no matter how unimportant. I hate it, I don’t feel like speaking a lot these days especially when it’s just nonsense for the sake of talking. I hope I don’t always feel like this though.
It is hard to find purpose now, I don’t think I could cope with the stress of training a new pup or having them eat the house now either although I do actually love dogs. We would have had a dog ourselves if it wasn’t for work and going away x
Well i got children and they’re a waste of time … they been horrible and selfish since my husband passed ! I had to buy a puppy - couldn’t stand it alone in house … x and i know people go on about their kids but mine not even been nice to me ! Hope that helps. Not all that glitters is gold …
I too have no children, Jim has 2 sons who have treated me appallingly and still are. I had a text yesterday saying I could drop my wreath off at the funeral directors and only “family” flowers going in the hearse. I am not even mentioned on the order of service or eulogy. Only told I could have one song which is Faith Hill, there you’ll be. I am dreading going and feeling like an outcast to the man I have known 54 years, together 20 yrs. It hurts so much in addition of being denied saying goodbye while he was on life support clinging on to life. Thankfully after the funeral I won’t have to set eyes on them again.
In a way I’m relieved I don’t have children but then again now I have nothing tangible left of him, only memories and photo’s
Oh Sarlyn, my heart breaks for you
The only thing I can say is that you know exactly how much you meant to him, his children sound like horrible people
My heart breaks for all of us going through this. The sun is warm and glorious, everyone out enjoying it and all of us feeling totally bereft and alone…it’s just so sad. I’m trying to feel grateful and positive which is who I am as a person but it just isn’t happening today but as my dear father would say “tomorrow is a brand new day”
Yeh im same today ! Feeling well sorry for myself and i got difficult children too ! Im sick of it !!, had hassle for months now ! They can do what they want ! Im done ! Its my first easter without my darling and wow i can certainly feel it … ;(
I too dont have kids and have struggled to find a reason to keep going, to get up each morning. I feel like im just existing, getting through each crappy day. Dont really mention to people apart from you supportive guys on here who understand. I cant face going back to work, tho i know that helps some people. There are a few things that have helped me. Some of Bri’s friends and colleagues have set up team Bri and are doing a range of sporting events for 2 of his favourite charities. Im trying to get motivated to join them but its so hard. Im trying to make Bri proud. Also, My amazing football team have also helped to give me something to focus on, and my new rescue dog has rescued me tho i understand dogs arent for everyone. Love to everyone.
@Stillhiswife - ok, I know, I know, it is really, really hard. I am here, like you, on my own, no children, no dogs, all I have is all I have. Which is friends, which is making the moment. I know this stuff is hard. I lived in isolation for a long time. And then, reached out. You are not an obligation. You are fun to be around. Just saying. Hold tight, keep posting, your friends are right here with you x
i i’m exactly the same. I have no children or pets. My beautiful husband died last July. I never thought I’d die well before me. I have returned to the Midlands to be in a family but they have their own lives. I feel sometimes I’m just here, but don’t know what for anymore. Life is not fun even when you try to do things not sure what the answer is. I hate the holidays and even though every day is the same, suppose I will go out town on my own tomorrow just for something to do. My sister has invited me for Sunday lunch, but she only sits on her phone chatting to men on the Internet or her friends . It’s a hard one, but I suppose take each day as a time
I Know what your saying loosing my partner has been the hardest loss I’ve had to go through even harder than loosing my dad who I adored. Anyway it is ok and normal to feel what’s the point I feel it every day we just have to take one day at a time and hope it gets easier and that we can find ‘a point’. My thoughts and prayers are with you my love
Yep its so tough isnt it ! Wake up every damn morning missing him … even 4 months on its a killer this one is !! I never experienced such heartache … i never felt so alone in 37 years since i met my husband xxx
It’s only been just over three weeks for me but I’m lying in bed now thinking what I wouldn’t give to be able to hear him snoring away, to feel the warmth of his body in the bed and to be able to turn around and cwtch into him and go back to sleep
Lost hubby in November. No children so we had dogs, lost our last one in '19, both realising we weren’t physically able to look after another one, so now its just me and 4 walls. l only exist l don’t live, l cry every day. l dont see why we have to put on a brave face, other people can’t know the pain we feel, that we have to release it when we need to, are we so afarid of upsetting them or embarrassing ourselves? well l say to hell with them!
its a killer this one is !! I never experienced such heartache … i never felt so alone