Yes you cry when you want !!! Theres no barrier and i hope if weather gets nicer you manage to get out for some fresh air xxx
It’s 5 weeks for me but feels like a lifetime…my friend came round last night and didn’t leave until gone 12am and while she was there I felt a bit more normal but when she left and I got into an empty bed it hit me all over again. Just come back from weekly food shop and I couldn’t wait to get home. It was too much watching couples doing their shopping and buying chocolate and flowers. I was just overwhelmed with sadness. I am sat here now with the whole day and night ahead of me and just can’t be motivated to anything. I am going to take our dog out later to get some fresh air.
I hope all you lovely people are doing ok today
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I too just came back from the food shop. His family took me to a retail park further from home so that I wouldn’t bump into anyone we knew. I feel so lost being out in the world without him. You can be surrounded by people but the only person you crave isn’t here 
You just walk around going through the motions but all you think about is your partner and how much you miss him. I didn’t really notice other couples, I didn’t notice a lot to be honest, all I noticed was my OH was missing
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I know what you mean by “putting on a face”. I meet up with people but it is just not where I want to be. It takes up so much energy. I have been thinking about getting another dog but like you I cant face the inevitable fact of losing it. Really cant take any more loss. More self pity I’m afraid. Lets keep in touch. Maybe we can support each other and all the other lonely people out there.
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Like stillhiswife my husband died in August too (suddenly and unexpectedly) and I don’t have any children or pets either as a result i don’t feel that i have anything left of him. People tell me I have my memories but they are so inadequate plus they don’t feel real - I look at photos of us and it doesn’t feel like it is me. If I had children, whilst they would bring their own challenges, it would feel as if I had something left of him and that there was some evidence that we were together and that we had existed as a couple. He has children by his first marriage and it feels as if his first wife had more evidence of him than me.
My friend lost her husband when her children were small and says that whilst it was hard and it delayed her grief they were a reason to keep going but I don’t have this. Others have told me to get a dog as if it is a simple decision. Dogs are a huge committment and we had discussed the possibility of a dog when we retired as a dog wouldn’t have fitted in with our lives whilst working but it is not something I want to do anymore.
Its all so hard and I am finding the longer days and nice weather really difficult because of all the things we used to do.
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I so understand how you are feeling my husband had children by his first marriage and i get on well with them but its not the same as having your own together and i feel i have nothing to carry on for and feel so alone
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Hi,
Its not self pity its grief, no one prepares us for this.
I honesty think we need local groups coffee, interests, walks. Not a bereavement service Sue Ryder and others are the life savers. But where people start to re invent a new beginning, a future because that is the reality. Its the loneliest place on earth grieving. X
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Hello @Jan51 - welcome to our little group on here. You are about the need for a place where those who have been bereaved can start to find their way again, to move forward in their new reality - and find there a strength and a reason to hope again. It is profoundly difficult, to be here, to be left behind, to reinvent it all. I often wonder what Tom would make of how I am doing. He was always the head chef - a role that is now mine. Just now, in the kitchen, I was following a “perfect Caesar dressing” recipe. Hmmm. Did the concoction turn thick and creamy on blending? No, reader, it did not. Was it wise to follow the instruction in the recipe to pour in the olive oil while the blender is running? No, reader, it was not. I have cleaned up the kitchen, which was showered with “perfect Caesar dressing” and put what was left - distinctly thin - in the fridge, ready to dress the salad later. Sigh. But this is reinvention, in action. This is me, finding way to be the one to host, to cook, to choose the wine. Pray for my guests this evening, everyone. I only hope they get out of here alive!
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Your situation seems so similar to mine. I have a good network of friends and a fantastic brother and sister in law but I feel wretched most of the time with tears never far away. I get done what needs to be done. I’m grateful for 38 wonderful years with my husband. I have enough money and a lovely home but Ron isn’t here and despite counselling I remain heartbroken. I just can’t see it ever being any different. 13 months have passed since I lost Ron. Thinking of you.
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xI can really relate to you. No children, don’t live anywhere near relatives, friends are few and far between, meaning many were supportive at first, now have faded away. I understand they have lives, and let’s face it being around someone who is grieving is not easy. But quite frankly, I prefer to be alone right now. My beloved husband died 8 mos and 7 days ago. We were married 52 yrs together 57.
My dear friend and maid of honor in our wedding texted me that she hoped I felt a little better. I told her I don’t know how to answer that. I cry everyday, miss him so much that at times it feel’s unbearable, and I am existing, not living. Hated to paint a bleak picture for her , but it is a truthful one. Life has forever changed. I wake up each morning knowing I am one day closer to being with him. I told that to a friend, and she replied “that’s so sad”. Sad, no way, to me it’s beautiful, but how can someone who hasn’t been on this agonizing journey of grief understand.
Karen
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Hey @Stillhiswife - it was wonderful! They loved it - the weird recipe for the starter (5 stars), the “perfect Caesar dressing” was awesome and the high risk lasagne was gorgeous. My guests left hours later than I thought. This is the first time my cooking worked well. People asked for seconds! This has never happened before. With Tom, always, people wanted more. This was the first time for me. So, after they had gone. I dialled up You Tube. Specifically, “I could have danced all night” from My Fair Lady. And, I did. I danced around the apartment, delighted that I could, finally cook for my friends and that this place, as it was with Tom, could once again be a place for dinners, and parties, and fun. @Jan51 - your thoughts on reinvention helped me to get here. Thank you, Jan, thank you @Stillhiswife, thank you everyone on here. Let’s dance, where we are, even if it is only one step, because that one step can carry us forward to the next, and the one beyond that x
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Deb 5
My heart goes out to you, i don’t know what i would do without my children. It must be so painful to have yours treat you this way. I hope you have some good friend’s around you that may bring you some comfort and make you laugh. I know that is something we as the bereaved feel guilty about. But having a laugh with your mates , makes the clouds go away for just a short while. Everyone is here for you. Take care lovey. X
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Thanks for that . Theres been a lot of arguments about stuff and people interfering. My middle daughter is coming around a bit now i think ? My son was very good at beginning but then seemed.to get bored ! I think they get easily influenced tbh …
But it is upsetting when was a devoted mother …decent neighbours but tbh i am still deeply in mourning for my husband im not bothered 
slightest thing seems to set me off these days and im.not in mood for laughing too much at moment … but i am going for a 4 day break with my mum next week so hope that helps me feel bit better xx 
@Deb5
I so hope the break with your mum will do you some good and to get away from it all for a bit. I know the hurt from interference and thoughtlessness as you know and it really destroys you. Maybe a bit of distance and space will help the situation.
You deserve time off from all this grief. It drains you of all energy. It won’t go away but a break from it will make you a bit stronger
Lyn x
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Hi lyn… thanks . It does drain you doesnt it. I been out twice today and im emotionally exhausted xx
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Deb5 I hope you hsve a nice time away with your Mum, a change of scenery will do you good. All my best wishes lovey. Xx
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I never had Children & because u do it dosent mean they will be there u. I tht i was very close 2
One of my neices, but she stopped talking for no reason.
& my lovely husband has been gone over 5 years, & i can go weeks & see no 1. & i can get out & about im 68.
U just hav 2 do the best u can, the first 2 years i found hell.
& now im having 2 sell up & move out of london where iv always lived,
another big wrench.
So u r not on yr own.
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I feel like everything is just pointless with no-one to live life with. Wondering if i got it all wrong not wanting kids. He had a couple from a previous relationship but we didn’t have our own as I never wanted my own and he wasn’t fussed about having anymore.
I shouldn’t have lost my soulmate in my mid 30s. It all just feels so wrong and pointless.
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Thanks pauline - sorry you have to move but maybe it will be a fresh start xx
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