Will it get easier please say yes

The last four months without my darling husband has been so hard but being able to belong to this site has been such a help can anyone understand every morning when I wake up it hits me what has happened and I relive those last horrible days then I have to try to except that I will never see him again and it is final this happens every morning over and over will it get easier I have anxiety and this is worse in the mornings please say that one day I will wake up and be able to accept what has happened we were together for 54 years I want to remember the lovely times but the last horrible days take over will it change will I be able to live on without him I always dream of loss and being left
Thank you for your friendship
Marian x

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Marian. YES it will! Honest it will. It’s 10 months now since my wife died and we had been married longer than you. The pain is still there, very much so, but that faint light in the distance is there. It’s the light at the end of the very dark tunnel. It may be a long tunnel or a short one. It depends so much on the individual.
Of course you will never ever forget, but the pain does diminish.
Mornings are bad for me too. We have to remember our metabolic rate, that’s the way our body uses energy, is low. This does not help feelings that are already disturbed. I find that as the day progresses it improves. By evening I am beginning to look ahead, but the next morning, well, here we go again.!! This grief process is so up and down. and it’s that that makes it so disconcerting and frightening. Yes frightening. It is isn’t it? Fear creeps in. Fear for the future.
I have found that poem that talks of putting your hand in the hand of God and walking into the unknown comforting.
Take it easy. Take your time. Blessings and thank YOU for your friendship.

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Again thank you for your support and help you have been able to put into words exactly what I feel it is very hard to express what we are feeling but reading your words has made me feel so supported and I know i am not alone I’m so glad that you are beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel keep heading in that direction I know i will try thinking of you
Marian x

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Hi Marian I so agree with you. When you wake up in the morning the feeling I have is horrible but as the day gets going the feeling goes. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I do so want my Ron to be proud of me as I am sure your Husband will be of you. We were both married for such a number of years so we are so very lucky don"t you think Marian . I am trying to think of the good times and thankfully the family keep remembering them too so it is lovely to keep talking about Ron. Keep in touch Marian. love and hugs to you. By the way what Jonathan says on here helps me so much he is a very wise man. xx

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Thank you so much for your support I feel as though I have made new friends and friends that are so generous with time and understanding to be allowed to share the memories you have is a precious gift I know how very lucky I was to have had the love of Michael for a life time but I still feel that it was to soon for him to go like you my family are part of him part of us and they remind me of what a wonderful man he was I will keep in touch and yes Jonathan is very wise please take care and thank you again love xx

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Yes Marian it will get better but there will be grief waves a bit further down the line which I think all of us get especially on birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. However normal these are doesn’t make them less horrible and they don’t mean you’re back to square one. Right now your grief sensors are at their rawest but they do heal in time.Be gentle with yourself and know we all support you.

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Yes the waves of grief are so hard to cope with Marian but reading everyone’s stories and replies on here helps me enormously. Keep posting please.
Liz xx

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Thank you Liz it is Michael’s birthday on Sunday don’t think I will be able to go to the crematorium still can’t face seeing his name on the plaque it makes it all to real family are going on holiday next week I know i will be OK but just thinking about it starts off my anxiety and worry. I have found so much support and understanding from this site I am so grateful.
Marian Victoria xx

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I have been trying to deal with things trying to cope but this morning I’m back on that horrible roller coaster one-minute OK and thinking I’m coping the next so far down I can’t move the voice in my head keeps going over and over what has happened and telling me how frightening it is holidays coming up next week and family going away keep trying to tell myself everything will be OK but then in comes the voice and the worries and then the anxiety. I’m trying so hard to come to terms and except my husband has died i know it’s only been 4 months am I trying to hard. I have found so much support and love from this forum I just keep finding myself reaching out again. Thank you
Marian Victoria x

Reach out as often as you like. Someone here will listen and, hopefully, take just a little of the pain away.
That little voice! Oh yes, I know it only to well. ‘You are not up to it’. ‘You have to wait until you feel better’. ’ You are a weak person and can’t cope’. All lies because it’s anxiety talking. Yes, of course, take it easy, a day at a time, but try and make just a little, even a tiny little move forward. It will be almost imperceptible but it’s there.
Going on holiday is difficult, yes. But you can have grief anywhere even if you go away. 4 months is not long and maybe, yes, you are trying too hard. Let the feelings and emotions come. No bottling up. Allow the process to happen without resistance. It is a process is grief, but a natural one however awful it may be now.
Take care. Take it slowly.

Hi Marian Victoria … I hear you so well! My husband of 43 years died 29th April and I feel exactly the same. I wake up abd re live the awful time he had as well … I cry all the time … I can usually cope with stuff but not now. Both our sons died over the last six years too so just me now. I get a bit better over the day but it’s just that actual physically missing g his presence I think. I still can’t believe this. I hope it gets better for you and for all of us. Love to all, Sue x

Dear sue I do hope things get a little easier for you I know I have better days then seem to go backwards the future is very frightening but as you said we have our lovely memories thinking of you and I hope the support from everyone here helps you as it dose me love marian Victoria x

Hi Marian Victoria. Thinking of you. Your grief is still very raw. You are progressing and each day you will learn something new about yourself which slowly but surely makes you stronger and able to cope. I have come to realise that some days are worse than others. I am working on becoming stronger in myself, small steps, don’t expect too much too soon…this is a huge life-changing gut wrenching life-changer.
One small step at a time. Keep reading. Smile and cherish the past and the present.
Not easy, but we are strong. Bless you.
Annette xx

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Well it depends on what you mean by " will it get easier…" as Marian asks… If you are talking of the solicitor business, or the clearing out of stuff, his or her belongings, or, the necessary paper work-bills taking over process, well yes after time but, if you are talking of our feelings, our lonliness, our emptiness, our memories both good and bad, and not forgetting humerously and memorable, no it wont ever, because he or she has been a part of us for so long, nor why should it get any better, we want to hang on to these memories anyway…As to whether it will get better as to our heart, again that is a no, because a big chunk of our heart has now been broken, torn apart, now this will never ever mend…

Jackie…

I don’t think it gets ‘better’ but what I do think is true that slowly, very slowly, you get better at it…the ‘it’ being the new path you’re on. A bit like learning something new… it takes time, patience, determination and being kind to yourself.
Not easy but so worthwhile. Keep posting and get whatever help you need… It’s hard to do it all alone. Annette x

This is it, our last and final journey, well for us who are in the older age bracket, which includes me…I am terrified of the next and final chapter i am facing in my life journey as i know many of our members are now…We have no idea as to what is laying ahead of us, our life for the pat ex amount of years has been mapped out from the morning we got up to the time we went to bed…but now we just face a very uncertain future…
I know for me this is my final chapter, i have had the best 20 years of my life, i always knew it would not go on forever, and now this is it…

Jackie…

Jackie … I feel the same as you. I was with my husband for 43 years married and two years before that ., it’s so alien and so frightening now he is gone. Both our sons died … I keep thinking I have no next of kin no one to fall back on if I am ill. It’s so daunting and his physical presence is so so hard to be without … his sense of humour just talking to him etc. It’s very very hard. I am due to start getting my pension in another three weeks! Our retirement should have been spent together. Instead I can’t face it.

Hugs, Sue x

Sue…
… exactly, we work hard throughout our working life, looking forwards to retirement together, planning and looking forwards to the future and then what happens, one of us passes away before we have time to enjoy it…

Jackie…

Jackie … it’s so sad and so shocking isn’t it. Love Sue x

I’m posting this morning as l wamt to send my support and love to everyone on this site we are all going through this dreadful time I have been told it will get better with time but I know that it will get different but never better after 54 years with my lovely man there is nothing that can come close to making what I am feeling better the unthinkable has happened and I am left with this great big hole that will never be filled it is trying to remember his vioce his laughing blue eyes his little jokes I will continue one day at a time with the love and support of my lovely family and friends my thoughts are with all of you we are not alone we are stronger together you are all in my thoughts
Marian Victoria x x

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