Coping with the loss of a loved one is something I’ve never experienced before and it’s utterly overwhelming.
My darling husband who died just 8 weeks ago said, “Dying is much easier than living” and he’s right. The ones that are left, i.e. you (reading this) and I, we are the ones who are grieving and coping as best we can.
I like to consider, what if it were the other way around and he was still alive and I was gone? I would hate to think of him struggling and suffering and feeling such pain.
So to all my virtual friends reading this I say, you have given your loved ones a precious gift - sparing them the worst pain imaginable.
I’m trying to trust in life and have faith - I do believe that one day I’ll feel happiness again. I hope you will too.
My partner said exactly the same. Thank you for being positive, it’s something I live by but the negative can slip in. Let it in, give it the time it needs and then crack on. I’m 12 days away from 8 months and life is ok, its different but it’s ok and improving.
Helena1, thank you for this. I know my husband would not have coped without me as he couldnt do anything for himself and would have had to go into a home which was his greatest fear. I try to keep telling myself this to try and make it easier but its so hard.
Helena 1,
This actually made me stop and think and yes I too would of hated my lovely husband who passed away 13 weeks ago to have been lost and distraught because I know he would of been without me .
Last night I was feeling very down ,heartbroken and just totalky bereft , I even let it out by talking(&crying&shouting) to his ashes and telling him its so unfair and why ,why why ,the overwhelming feeling of wanting to hold him and protect him was indescribable (like we all feel) but I felt better for letting it all out again, today is a fragile day(so far) ,but tomorrow or later may be better .
I find emotions can change in minutes ,never mind hours, thanks for sharing that post, & to all on this site today good morning and just do what you can in your own time to get through were all on this horrible journey together ,sending you all a little hope and peacex
@Helena1 Your post has really given me something to think about! I’d never really thought about it in that way. Yes I loved my husband very much and I’m glad I’ve spared him this agony although I wish it had been many years down the line. Grief is just all consuming! I’m trying to do the best I can and hope that someday I will be happy again instead of just going through the motions of life! J x
Thank you for your positive post @Helena1 i was having a down day yesterday and this morning. I have not gone out or spoken to anyone so was a bit down. Went to gsrden to cut down plants but it was his domain his special place and now it us up to me yo try and relax and enjoy the peace and quiet the garden holds. Still not quite there thought but i will try to enjoy what he did for me in life.
I will go for a walk later as dont drive and think about your positive words. Tomorrow is another day. Take each say as it comes x
If you are going for a walk obviously not in West Country. It’s monsoon weather here. Weather has been rubbish since I got my walker. Been out once with it. Brought it inside when storm warning issued. From weather app might stop raining Thursday. I hope you enjoy your walk,
Hi @Pudding
No i am just outside of Edinburgh so no rain here yet. Plenty rain yesterday though. Sorry you have not got out with your walker hopefully later in the week.
Take care and enjoy the rest of your sunday x
We almost couldn’t be further apart location wise. Glad it’s not raining there as it is thoroughly miserable here. No need for the whole country to be miserable is there? I love Edinburgh. A beautiful city.
Its cold here today but at least dry.
Not sure if ill go walk as wull need to wrap up.
Anyway if i ever get down in your area on my travels i will call in for a coffee
Take care
Lynne x
Just looked at the weather in Edinburgh. It certainly is cold. It’s not exactly warm here but not as cold as you and yes still raining heavily. Norman’s Masonic lodge has taken some of the coffee filters he had collected. Internet going up and down like a yo-yo. The joys of rural living.
Have been walk and now back as raining drizzle. I live 12 mins outside Edinburgh semi rural bus service ever hr and stop at 7pm so guess were not meant to be put after then when your ovet 65!!
We had our wedding reception at a masonic lodge and i held his funeral tea there too.
Now for a rest before watching Australia v Fiji game for Kevin might even have a glass of wine too. Enjoy your sunday night x
Was asked if I had heard from the lodge almoner. I haven’t but not surprised as he has only recently lost his wife. I don’t think I am his top priority. I can ring the masons any time I need anything
I often wonder too how would my John have dealt with this grief that is all so encompassing. The answer I don’t think he could have. He hated being on his own even when I went out with my friends he would always go out so to be stuck indoors with no one would have been so difficult for him. Although he held the family together in most way I was the strong one who always dealt with anything traumatic. Yes he was by my side when I lost my mum, dad, sister and niece and I don’t know how I would have managed without him. But to deal with the loss of me he would have crumbled despite the support our sons would have given him. So in some respect I agree I am glad he didn’t have to suffer the way I have suffered despite at the beginning telling everyone “it should have been me”. Even after two and a half years I still sometimes can’t get
my head around him not being with me.
Wherever you are darling you are always in my heart .
Thank you, after my wife died, I shut myself away for months and wished I had gone first, I have now started to go out for little walks to our favorite places, I don’t drive due to my health problems, I will think about what you wrote
I spent the morning with our kids and grands… I just kept thinking their papa should be here.
The baby is only 1.5 and he is named after my husband but won’t remember him.
My husband died 13 days ago.
He was 63
We had been married for 35 yrs
xx
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