Dear @PeterL, there is a scheme called Homeshare UK, which puts elderly people living alone who have a spare room and aren’t in need of rental income with younger people who need to rent a room but have difficulty affording rent. It costs around 150 pounds a month. As part of living rent free, the tenant has to agree to some tasks - it could be anything, like 10 hours a week gardening, taking the older person out a few times a week, helping cleaning, an hour of socialising a evening - it’s up to you, you don’t even have to ask for any tasks to eb performed, you might just want someone to be around the home. The tenants all have a criminal check performed on them, and if there are any problems, Homeshare UK will help to resolve them - the safety and wellbeing of the older people is paramount to them. You say you live near a university area, so there might me mature students who would find living with you through this scheme quite beneficial? Anyway, you can contact Homeshare UK on 0151 227 3499.
Dear Abdulla, Thank you for pointing that out to me. I googled Homeshare UK and found that they have a quite informative website. I was intrigued by your reference to £150 monthly, is that paid by the student for their accommodation or by the home owner for the company they receive? I’m joking, of course. Anyway, I like the idea and may well pursue it when I am feeling stronger. Thank you again, Peter
Hey @PeterL, I think the landlord and lodger both have to pay about 150 pounds a month to Homeshare UK, and this will cover all the admin fees of things like the police check on the lodger, and Homeshare UK always being available if there are any problems. It’s quite cheap, well, much cheaper than 35k, and maybe this is something that might work out for you. The lodger doesn’t have to be a student, it can even be someone a bit older, there’s lots of people in their 40s and 50s who are looking to rent a room, and maybe a student won’t be wise at the moment anyway until we have a vaccine for the virus? I guess if you email them at contact@homeshareuk.org they might be able to give you a call back and discuss your circumstances and if you think this is something worth considering, they can try and find the right match for you - I think lots of younger people like spending time with older people, and could give you some company to get your mind off this awful grief. I know personally I love living with someone else, this is why I am still in the houseshare that I am living in, each time someone in the house apologises if their music or TV was too loud, I tell them not to worry, I hate a quiet house, and I really hate my mum now lives alone, I just pray for the day I am able to sort my life out so that she can live with me, hopefully next year.
Hello everyone,
This thread is getting a little heated, and I would ask you all to please remember that the primary purpose of this community is support. Our community guidelines ask everyone to be respectful and sensitive to each other.
To prevent the discussion becoming more problematic overnight, I’m going to temporarily lock this thread.
The community manager will review this in the morning and unlock again if appropriate.
Hazel
Online Community team
Hi everyone,
I’ve reviewed and I’m unlocking this thread now, but, as Hazel says, please do keep it civil and respectful.
It sounds as though there’s been enough information posted about Homeshare for Peter to look into it further himself if he wishes, so perhaps we can move on from this topic now?
@PeterL, there are some instructions here on using private messages: https://community.sueryder.org/pub/help-using-this-site#private-message - it should work OK on a Mac, but if you need any help, you can email me at online.community@sueryder.org.
Sorry to hear that you are finding Gill’s estate so painful to deal with - does anyone have anything to share on how they have coped with this?
@PeterL If there are any specific things you are having difficulty with concerning Gills estate if you can private message me I have dealt with probate for my father this year and now had to deal with John’s estate as well. Things are quite straightforward actually. Did Gill leave a will? It is best not to post details on the public forum so hopefully you will be able to follow the information Pricilla has given you above if I can help at all. 
Hi Peter
Johnswife has offered very kindly to give you assistance but there is also Age UK who will sort everything out for you or at least they do here if you feel you are out of your depth. I could deal with things by myself but if there was anything more problematic I put it into the hands of a solicitor and it all went quite straightforward.
Take care of yourself and don’t worry.
xx
I have been executer on 3 estates including probate and each one slightly different from the other. My husband’s estate whilst more straightforward, was the most difficult as it’s the last thing I felt like dealing with. We also have ‘brain fog’ and you worry that you’ve forgotten something. Yes, it’s frustrating when you are asked for x,y and z. Yes, it’s upsetting when you have to deal with officials who clearly have no training or compassion, upside is you find lovely ones who do. My tip is to get several copies of death certificate. Number them, then as you send it to an organisation, do a list and record who has that copy, they should be returned, tick them off when they are.
Age UK are definitely worth speaking to, they really do understand and will give advice you can trust. If you have a Solicitor, then really they should be doing what they are being paid for.
@PeterL @Pattidot is quite right AgeUK are best placed to help you along with your solicitor. I hope you can get things sorted out so you don’t have that worry anymore.
Thank you all very much for your very sensible advice concerning Gill’s will. She had added a codicil to her will just a few months before her death ( I think she may have sensed what the near future had in mind for her) removing myself as executor and handing this task to her solicitors. I am, yet again, grateful to her as her financial affairs are very involved and complex. My involvement has been limited to searching for necessary information and documents and I have found these simple task painful enough. My Gill was a brilliant lady and very creative, whilst holding down a senior marketing position in the Theatre World she found time to be Parish Clerk and edit the village newsletter.
The only downside to all this being the immense amount of paperwork that she created and scattered in surprising amounts around our home!
Age UK have been providing my weekly Grief Counselling (by telephone only) and have offered to provide regular weekly visits to help break up the weeks a little. I am seriously considering this possibility.
My best wishes to you all, Peter x
Age UK are really responsive Peter, both to individual needs and the work they carry out both locally and nationally.
Obviously some activities are restricted at the moment but they will return.
I volunteer at a well attended AgeUK luncheon club, it is enjoyed by everyone including those who help. We haven’t meet since March, but we are all looking forward to the first one when allowed. What a fun day that will be 
I hope you take up the offer of support Peter and keep us updated on how it goes. I’m sure both you and your Age UK visitor will enjoy getting to know each other.
Your darling Gill was definitely thinking of you when she arranged for a solicitor to deal with the estate. Oh, but sorting out paperwork and documents can be upsetting, but don’t feel under pressure, it can always wait till the next day. But you are getting there Peter, might not feel like it at times, but I promise you are.
I have spoken with a nice lady at AgeUK and she is going to look into the possibility of organising two visits a week for me. A problem being that I live in a small village away from their main centres. She has promised to ring me on Monday to let me know if she has been able to arrange anything for me. I will let you all know what transpires.
Peter
Hi Peter
I am so pleased you are going to get that support. See if they can help you with your sorting of the paperwork.
I was admin trained so I could cope with the phone calls and endless paperwork but my heart goes out to anyone without experience having to deal with all this alone.
However I contacted Age UK with a question and they did kindly call me to see if I needed any assistance. When I told them I had worked in finance for the Council they knew I could cope just fine. Something I did find amusing though was that a nice man rang me to see if I needed help getting up in the morning. As I go to the gym, walk miles and have two large allotments I did initially feel insulted but that day I was having a large load of Horse manure delivered at my allotment and did say that if they had anyone that wanted to help with barrowing it onto the plot that would be nice. They saw the funny side thankfully. But it did show that they cared although I hadn’t asked for assistance in any way.
My husband also had what seemed like tons of paperwork etc involving his hobbies and interests. I thought it would never end. I burnt a great deal of it.
Good luck Peter and don’t rush yourself. Just pace yourself a little bit at a time and it will get sorted. Above all look after yourself and don’t let it stress you.
Pat
xxx
Pat you didn’t complete your manure story - did they help with the barrowing?
A major problem for me is that I can see no destinationt at the end of this awful journey. What is the point without Gill? I feel as though her cancer killed us both . What am I doing here when she is gone?
Sorry to sound so negative, put it down to yet another bad day!
Peter xx
@PeterL You are not alone. A bad day for me as well. Nowhere to go, no-one to talk to and its grey and raining. John would always cheer me up. Life is so lonely without them and as you say what are we doing here now they are gone. I think our destination is as you described recently. To be with them in spirit and join with them when our turn to die comes.
Hi Peter
If only!!! No, no one appeared to help me with the muck spreading.
I do quite understand how you feel, it’s perfectly understandable. The shock and the trauma is unbearable and will leave us with that negativity, so please don’t ever be sorry. I have been on this sad journey nearly two years next month and it was a struggle at first and I felt exactly the same as you. Why… has he gone, now what do I do. Eventually I came to accept what had happened and live with the loss and try to remember all the happy times we shared. Now, I am not going to say that it’s easy or that I don’t have blips where I slip downhill, I think we all do that but I have got into a pattern of my life where I can have happier times. I carried on with hobbies that we shared and keep me out of trouble . Above all I don’t think about a future I just feel contented if I can get through each day moderately well.
I find it easier and I can smile now through the tears that are becoming less and mix socially so I must be going in the right direction. The love we all shared hasn’t gone and never will. I firmly believe they are still with us.
Who of us in those early days don’t want to be in the arms of our loved ones once again and to feel loved and safe. But I decided that as I still had a life i would try and make the best of it. So please don’t be afraid of those tears, we have to grieve. I accept my grief as part of my life now and I know other members of this forum do also.
One step at a time Peter and don’t try to rush yourself.
Love
Pat
xx
Hi Petet.I have just read that you are 90 years old! I think it is marvellous that you are so competent with accessing this site and being able to understand everything.I am not being demeaning but I know how hard I found it and I am much younger than you. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved wife but I am Sure you will get everything sorted.I always find that the anticipation is worse than the event. I wish you well.You sound a wonderfully informed gent.