Separation is very difficult, and expressing it is more difficult, but the best way to live through the situation is to do good and help people because it takes away moments of sadness and shares people with a smile.
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Oh my goodness how I have felt like you so many times. Struggling out of bed for another day and with feelings that I would rather stay under the duvet and forget there is a world out there. It probably would have been an option if it wasn’t for my dogs who insisted I got up and took them for their walks.
I also have no idea what my future holds perhaps I don’t have much of one, perhaps my present life is as good as it gets but I am making the effort to gain some pleasure from what I do. I keep busy and never let a day pass without doing something. And I accept my tears as part of my life from now on.
I always was a stubborn child so perhaps I am still being stubborn and refuse to give up and waste my life. Brian is with me at all times I make sure of that but It is up to me to make the best of my life as it is now. I accept that my life as I knew it has gone.
Best wishes to you also Jayne
Pat
xxx
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Hi Joandchris52,
I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. It sounds as though things are very tough, and like you’re feeling overwhelmed.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.
You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Take care,
Hazel
Online Team
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Thanks for your help . I am in contact with my doctor at the moment and I am on medication . I was supposed to be going to counselling but because of the virus it was cancelled
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Do try online counselling if you can. I started with a counsellor using Zoom last week. I ti s too early to say how much it will help but I am trying to to the best things. I too feel intense distress at the loss of my partner and being alone now.
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Hello Omer. I’m sorry you feel a need to be on this forum. your post is intriguing. I am determined and I do smile but not every moment is beautiful unfortunately. I don’t think any of us here would wish to forget the past as it’s the past which holds all our beautiful moments with our beautiful loved ones. Your post reminded me of a saying:
‘It will be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, then it’s not the end.’
Perhaps you’d like to share with us who you’ve lost?
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Hi johnswife. My husband was John too. I know exactly how you feel. I was telling my doctor this today. Wishing I could join him. He has asked me to start on some medication to see if it helps. I’m going to try. It’s such a sad way to feel. I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel I’m in a nightmare and can’t get out of it. Take care of yourself. x
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It took a long time before I dreamt of my husband and it was upsetting. When I did, he was just in the background, but I was so happy. I now have him in my dreams, but can never remember him speaking, but it’s still comforting.
I am only now, 30 months on, sleeping better, this has only been in the last few months. My sleep pattern was dreadful, I accepted that 4 hours was a good night, even then broken. This only improved over the last 6 months. I can now sleep for 6 sometimes 7 hours. You only dream in deep sleep so I feel this is why I can now have vivid dreams and see him.
I still say goodnight and good morning to him. I look at his lovely face, his eyes tell me what I need to know 
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Oh my goodness Geoff, I do know how you feel. I have weathered the storm so far, but it is still hard going at times. I have now got into a routine after nearly two years, and with the help of kind friends, I am getting there. Wherever ‘there’ is I have no idea. But it seems like a journey, and all journeys end. It’s how you feel Geoff, never mind the uplifting. We can’t be upbeat all the time and neither should we be. Even when things are so called ‘normal’, we still have up and down days. We are all human and subject to the ups and downs of life. None of this is easy, but at least we can come on here and know we are understood. I am sure Anne would not have wanted you to be miserable. That thought has sustained me through all this. My wife was a positive person and always cheerful.
Take care Geoff. Life can be so hard, but our little ship goes on sailing across the vast ocean of loneliness and, so often, despair. One day we will all know why. Very best wishes and take special care. John.
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Dear Pat, I understand what you’re saying and agree wholeheartedly. Life is a beautiful, wonderful gift. There can be no stronger love than my love for David. He was my world. We two had become so entwined we were one. I can honestly say that I have never wished for death. My husband didn’t want to die; he had so much more living left to do. He loved life. Life was never going to be long enough for him. It would be an insult to him if I gave up on life. Of course it’s a struggle, I get that. How could it be anything else? We will never be over our grief Pat and I accept that, but we can move forward with our men in our hearts and as you say, continue to make them proud (as if they weren’t already 
). Much love xx
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Dear Kate you always say the correct thing and you lift my spirits. I so agree with you about your David I love my Ron so much and he is with me every minute. Love and hugs to you and all of us on this site.xxxxx. Carol xxxxx
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I lost my darling Gill three months ago, pc took her from me in brutal fashion. I weep almost continuously and my only pleasure is bedtime when gin and sleeping pills grant me oblivion for a few precious hours. Upon waking it takes only a few seconds for my inbuilt hell to swamp me once more. I too have seriously considered suicide but as I am 90 now and statistics suggest that widowers of my age don’t last very long after losing their loved-one - I take some comfort from that. I am worried and disappointed not to have dreamt of Gill nor had any sort of sign that she still takes an interest in me. Does it take longer than three months for these feelings to occur?
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@Sheila1 We are so sad to have to carry on without them. I hope your GP can help. Mine was very understanding. Take care and I am sure you think of your John every moment of every day just as I do. X
@PeterL Did you have a long marriage? I hope you have friends and family to support you. I am not sure about signs our darlings are near. I know John would be devastated to see me like this. It would break his heart. Gill is waiting for you so don’t worry. I think they live on in our memories and our hearts. I can’t wait to be with John again so I know exactly how you feel.
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@Stargazer So glad to hear things are a little better for you 30 months on. I also have a photo of my darling looking straight at me with his eyes shining with love for me. I kiss him every day. I sleep deeply, the wine and the Nytol helps! Hopefully that will do the trick eventually I will see John in my dreams. 
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I mean not to cling to the past so as not to get more sad and painful, live your moment and share the smile with those around you
Carpe diem! The problem, @Omer, is that it is much easier said than done. But I do agree, mindfulness can help when it comes to grief, but that is all it does, it helps - it doesn’t get rid of the suffering.
It is true that I miss my father a lot, and I try to do everything good for my father. I also try to spread happiness to those around me, exercise, and read, and whenever I feel sad, I do good for my father.
Hi. Abdullah. I think that any sort of mind therapy will only work when we are ready. Mindfulness does work for those who simply want to improve their way of thinking, but in deep grief it’s the last thing we can think of. Concentrating on anything is difficult, let alone trying to meditate or all the other things people suggest. I believe grief has to be left alone to run it’s course. If and when we feel better then that may be the time to look at mindfulness, but trying to do things too soon can do more harm than good. Take care. John.
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