@Omar perhaps the section of this form losing a parent is more appropriate for you. You see unless you have lost a life partner, husband or wife you really can’t understand how we feel. Our memories are all we have and the future looks frightening to us. When people try to be kind and say move on it can hurt us more than you can possibly imagine. My father died in January and although I grieve for him the grief I feel now my darling John has died is a million million times worse.
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Hi Jonathan, I agree, I was talking more about how mindfulness helps me when I go to sleep and my grief is causing me to feel stressed and is affecting my breathing, as I then use mindfulness to try and focus on my breathing, and it helps.
Yes Johnswife (what a lovely pen name) we were together for 52 years and married for 48 of them and I can’t believe how quickly they sped past. I have no living relatives but live in a small village where people have been very kind to me. I have Flora, our beagle, who makes me get up and go for walkies,etc. Our home is crammed with Gill’s clothes and stuff (she was great horder). There are many drawers and wardrobes I simply can’t open for fear of what I might see. I feel so pathetic. They must be waiting somewhere, I can’t believe that nothing awaits us at the end of all our suffering.
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@Omer @Abdullah @jonathan123 Has explained it perfectly. Please read what he has said. We are all trying to help each other get through something that we all wish would turn out to be a bad dream. People need to be careful with us. You can not spread happiness to others you don’t know. Happiness is something that we may take years to achieve if ever.
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Dear @PeterL I love my name on here. John always wrote happy birthday wife in the cards he sent me. He was so proud of me 
We were married over 40 years. I also have all his things toothbrushes, shaving soap all his clothes. I use his deodorant now so I smell it on me. I hope they are waiting for us somewhere. We used to talk about it after John son died and our grandson. It’s a mystery no one knows the answer to isn’t it? The last great adventure. John and I had many adventures together so hurry up I say I need to catch him up. Take care and I am glad you have your dog. I don’t know what I would do without my cat.
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@Abdullah I am sorry you have had depression from such an early age. People on this post would not know about that sadly and we are talking about wishing we were with our partners, husbands and wives and not waking up every day. Happiness seems very far away to many of us.
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Hi Kate
So pleased you understand. Apart from those first hours after Brian died I also can honestly say I have never wished for death. Brian also fought hard to live, he had so much to live for but I am certain that if I had gone first he would have got on with his life and I know he would expect nothing less from me. Never a man to make a fuss about things. A struggle, tell me about it but ‘while there is life there is hope’ and that is what I cling to. Like you Kate I also accept that I will carry grief with me always I also feel my husband walking beside me when life becomes tough.
Bless you
Pat xx
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Pat, like Kate you bring hope to those who like us have lost part of themselves. It was what helped me in the early days and that need for support goes on. Life indeed is precious, I saw it taken away before my eyes 
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I’m sorry you’ve lost your father. It’s good that you wish to make him proud. The thing is, you’re posting in ‘Lost a partner’ category and I would think you have little or no understanding of losing a husband/wife/partner. If you did, you would never suggest we forget the past. I’m sure you didn’t mean any harm but it’s an insensitive and cruel thing to say.
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Thanks San, I do hope we can bring some hope to those suffering so deeply that they can see no point in their lives. I find it so sad. We have all been there at some time or other and can still reach rock bottom from time to time… I also watched as Brian took his last breath and it is something I will never forget as he had fought so hard.
Pat xx
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Dear All,
Perhaps I’m very strange but I don’t find ’ Life precious.’ I find life as something we experience simply because we are born. And non of us asked to be born did we? Of course I’ve enjoyed most of my life especially alongside my Anne whom I protected with all my heart and everyday. But when you view the world and see how cheap nature values life, wiping folk/wildlife off this planet in an instant, for me it puts the whole process of life into perspective. So no: I don’t see life as being precious. Its a process we have to experience/undergo until its our turn to leave, allowing space for another to be born and take our place.
Love and Light
Geoff x
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Gosh Geoff, I find that very sad. What a terrible definition of life, and yet you say that you’ve enjoyed it for the most part. I refuse to believe that life wasn’t beautiful alongside your Anne. Your opinion, your life, I guess. 
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@Pattidot I will take some hope from your thoughts and those of others further down this road. I don’t feel anything like that at the moment but who knows if that will change. I am very glad that people have been so open about how they feel and are or are not coping. I certainly know John enjoyed every moment of our life together so I will hang on to that for now. 
x
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Dear Kate
Life was beautiful alongside my Anne. I loved and protected her. I would have died for my Anne. And I would do anything for anybody/wildlife to help and protect them too. I truly have a full and kindly heart. But my philosophy of life still stands. At the end of the day nature plays around with life showing no compassion for anybody or anything.
Love and Light
Geoff x
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“Everything is just for a while. Everything is just for its time. Everything is finite. Live and love with these precious moments in mind.”
― Rasheed Ogunlaru
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Geoff, may I ask if this was your ‘philosophy of life’ when Anne was alive? Or has it changed with her passing? I’m interested. Do you think your career in the police service has also had an effect?
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Dear Kate
Yes this has always been my philosophy even with my lovely Anne whom I loved with all my soul. . Ive never let my service in the police contaminate me as a person or my personal beliefs. I was always ME despite wearing a uniform. The greatest praise I ever recieved by members of the public on two occasions were " Geoff you don’t behave like a policeman" Thats because I was fair and as as friendly as I could be, even in a dodgy situation. What you saw of Geoff999 was what you got. Believe me I’m not an embittered man but I have the pragmatic ability to see what life is truly like. For example we live in a predatory world where plants, trees, insects, animals, birds and humans fight for survival in what ever behaviour is necessary. If I need to eat you I will. Nature is beautiful to see but underneath this beauty there is a battle going on. Yet I am a very spiritual person would you believe? Now I’ll get off my pedastall LOL
Love and Light
Geoff x
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Johnswife, I would like to thank you on behalf of us all for your kind and considered posts, I strongly relate with your loss of John as it seems to mirror my own loss of Gill and I freely offer my deepest feelings of sorrow and sympathy to you. You sound to be a very nice person, I wish for you all that I wish for myself. A mellowing of our daily, hellish, grief and loneliness.
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Thank you for your reply Geoff. I’m sure we could continue with an interesting conversation, but we mustn’t hijack Johnswife’s thread. Intelligent conversation is something I miss. It’s a bit tricky when we’re living alone as it’s gets a bit monotonous trying to converse with oneself. The conversation is always one-sided and me and I always agree. 
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