I know exactly how you feel I feel the same tbh take care
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@PeterL I was chatting on another couple of conversations over the weekend. I was going to contact you to see if you are ok. I hope you go out with your friends. My friend in the USA advised me to never turn down an invitation. It’s good advice and I have gone out with my daughters and a friend swimming and for a couple of meals. It’s not easy but we need people or else we will get more depressed. I have noticed a difference since I started the SJW. Take care and let us know how it goes. 
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Thank you for your kind words of wisdom you certainly make alot of sense I’m going to try my hardest at being the best I can be for our adult children if it wasn’t for them i don’t know where I’d be. Made me think thanks for the support means the world to me thank you and take care
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I had another wretched day yesterday, I had to choose a plot where our ashes are to be buried in our village churchyard, I found one near to an old friend of ours. Next ordeal for me is when I go to the undertakers to collect
Gill’s ashes. How can I possibly do that?
I am trying to think a little about myself and whatever lies ahead for me - if I chose to go on that is. I have no relations and I am beginning to recognise the crushing loneliness that is waiting for me around the corner. How I took my darling Gill’s constant companionship for granted! I have started looking into the possibility of a live-in companion, they are very expensive, starting at around £35,000 annually, but the right lady might be an answer.
Have any of you any experience or knowledge of such arrangements?
Love and Light to you all
Peter
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Hi Peter,
I am so sorry you feel so bad. We all do and the secret is to grit your teeth and get on with it. That sounds harsh but, trust me, it is the only way to survive. Is there anyone who would go with you to collect your wife’s ashes? Alternatively, you could do what I did - my undertaker kept my husband’s ashes after the cremation until the burial a few weeks later. (We had to delay the burial because one of our family was booked for an operation). On the day of the burial the undertaker brought the ashes to us at the graveside ( my husband’s ashes were being buried in his grandmother’s grave). It worked well.
Well, you did ask about a woman companion, so I am going to say what I think! The idea of you paying (especially that much) for a lady companion appals me! She would have to be a cross between Joan Collins and Florence Nightingale to be worth £35000! I have no idea of the size of your house but if you have a spare room, why not take in a paying lodger? Or a student if you are near a University. Also, there are some people who work away from home during the week, who don’t like hotels and would be glad of somewhere more homely to sleep. If you could provide an evening meal, that would be even better. In either case, they would be paying you! I know this does not solve the woman friend problem, but having some company would cheer you up and you might feel up to going to a pensioners’ club or somesuch where you might meet a lady friend of your own and be happier into the bargain. With Covid and the bad weather, it is very easy to sit at home and mope. I know I did at first, but that is the worst thing you could do.
Anyway, I wish you luck and please don’t give up on life. I felt like you at first but felt that I would be letting my husband down, as he would have been devastated if he knew I had done anything to end my life and I am sure your wife would feel the same.
Keep strong and don’t give up! You have friends here so keep writing!
All the best, Ann
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Thank you so much Ann, I needed to hear some good solid sense! I live in quite a modest detached bungalow in a rather beautiful position on top of a hill in a tiny village. Would you believe that £35k is the lower end of the scale,
If personal care is required ( as in poor health care!) then one is looking at £40k plus. Not a bad job when it includes board and lodging. Interested that you thought of Joan Collins, I’m more an Audrey Hepburn type! I am in a university area and a lady in my doctor’s practice made much the same suggestion. Perhaps I will explore that avenue someday when the blackness lightens up a little. If it does.
I had to take Flora to the vets today, a small question mark over her kidney function, blood test results tomorrow night. Fifteen minute consultation and blood test £168, and I chose mechanical engineering!.
Again Ann, thank you for the straight talk, in my mind’s eye I can see my Gill nodding in vigorous agreement.
With very best wishes, Peter
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Hi Peter
Guess what - I prefer Audrey Hepburn too! I just suggested Joan because I thought perhaps she was more the type to move in with a strange man! Audrey would never do that - far too classy!
Your house sounds lovely I am in a detached bungalow in a village too but no view, only of the garden which goes right around the house. I plan to move in the Spring to a flat on the seafront if I can summon the energy to go through all tre process of looking, then the legal bits, but it would be worth it if I can.
I do hope Flora will be ok. My grandmother always used to say that trouble never comes alone. She was very wise, my Nana.
Keep strong and do let me know how Flora gets on.
All the best,
Ann
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Hi there Peter, hope you don’t mind me coming in on this conversation with Ann. First can I say I have followed your story and your great love so familiar with how you feel.
Ann is very correct and if you approach your undertaker they should be able to advise and help you. You should not have to go through such an ordeal alone. My husband’s ashes was also scattered in his grandparents grave and everything was organised for me once I decided what I wanted to do. They brought the ashes and scattered them for me and a small group of family and friends were in attendance, so I didn’t have to go through this ordeal alone.
She has also given you some sound advice and excellent idea’s but can I just say don’t let all your plans become an obsession like I did. You are grieving Peter and you need to get through that. Don’t overload your head with thoughts of what you need to do. I am an impatient person always rushing around, I was making fresh plans every five minutes but I have found after nearly two years that we find out what is best for us. Let it happen. Please don’t worry yourself with yet more complications. Take it slowly and you will find what is best for you.
I do hope that Flora will be alright, how precious she must be to you. Can we ever repay our pets for their love. I have two dogs and they have been lifesavers.
God bless and take care of yourself (and Flora)
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@PeterL You have been given very good advice from @AnnR and @Pattidot. Paying someone to live in your home is something that would take a great deal of thought and consideration. Did you mention you have a friend who is a member of your local church. That might be a place to find someone to talk to. I am agnostic but my friend the lady curate still listens to me. You might consider looking into a retirement village near you. My mother in law moved to one and although having her own flat had the company of other residents. This might be something looking into further down the road. There are also befriending organisations. My councillor suggested Silver Line started by Esther Rantzen. I am sure you will figure things out in time. We must give ourselves time.
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I have just put down the telephone after receiving a call from Flora’s vet. Her blood tests came back normal!
Kidney and liver functions are normal and she does not have diabetes. I am so relieved, I wish I could share the news with Gill. I can share it with my friends here.
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Brilliant news, Peter. Now perhaps you can relax a little and just take one day at a time.
Thanks for letting us know, and please give Flora a pat from her virtual friend.
Ann
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@PeterL Such good news Flora is very precious and a wonderful companion. Three cheers for our pets. I don’t know what I would do without Jennie my cat.
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Dear Peter
Thats excellent news. Keep strong my friend.
Love and Light
Geoff x
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So glad for you Peter. You can still tell you Gil and also us. Xxxx. Carol xxxx
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Ever since you mentioned Flora I have a picture of her in my mind. She sounds a lovely companion and that’s great news. Have a g and t to celebrate. X😊
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Hi Peter
Delighted about Flora. Must be a wonderful relief for you. I agree God bless our pets that help to keep us sane at a time like this.
Give Flora a big kiss and an extra treat from all of us.
Pat
xxx
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Thank you all for being glad about Flora. I wish there was some way I could show you a photo of her, she is very photogenic!
Gill’s lawyers are now involving me in unravelling her estate, I wish I were a stronger man I find it all so very painful.
A woof from Flora and a tear or two from me.
Peter
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@PeterL It is possible to post a photo. You can see a lot of our pets on the thread started some time ago. Let’s hear it for our pets. Did you manage to read the messages some of us have sent you privately? All the legal stuff is so difficult but hopefully it will all work out.
Hello Johnnswife. I will try to find the thread “Lets Hear it for Our pets”. Sadly I haven’t been able to find the private messages. I am rather a nerd with computers or perhaps the SR site doesn’t work with a Mac?
It is disappointing not being able to join in fully. If I scroll up to the top of the page it shoots back to bottom immediately.
My best wishes to you Johnswife.
Peter
@PeterL I have a Mac so don’t worry about that. You need to find your own profile and click on that. Within you should be able to find any messages.