Hi @Jonathan123, I really respect your opinions on things, but I have to disagree here. You say
No one should feel they are ‘walking on eggshells’
But then say
We may feel angry, frustrated and really put out, but that does not give us the right to be negative and upset others who may be feeling very vulnerable
But isn’t that exactly what someone who really hates life and is feeling negative is being made to feel - like they are walking on eggshells? And we cannot forget that the individual who is really negative is themsleves very vulnerable.
Tolerance and respect work both ways - can’t people show tolerance and respect towards those who are feeling so negative and cannot at the moment find anything positive in their lives?
The whole purpose of a place like this should be for people to be able to come and say exactly how they feel without fearing they might upset someone. Yes, when I see someone being really negative, it does upset me quite a bit, but their right to express their really negative feeling is greater than my right not to feel upset at someone being negative. Society imposes so many restrictions on expressing how we feel, this forum should be a place where people should be able to come and say exactly how they are feeling without any such restrictions. If people have to stop and think “oh, might my post be negative for others and upset them”, then this forum has failed.
Hi Jonathan, I think the point I was trying to raise is that it’s not just seemingly negative posts that can cause upset but also those positive ones. there is occasionally an implied tone that with a bit more effort anyone can overcome the despair of bereavement.
I appreciate reading posts from people who seem hopeless is not uplifting but neither is it helpful to some to be encouraged to look on the bright side of life when they may be at their lowest ebb. Tolerance is required from all sides. Everyone on this site is vulnerable by virtue of having joined it in the first place. Being angry, frustrated and upset isn’t necessarily negative - at a particular point in time it may be the most normal reaction given the circumstances.
I do understand your view even if it seems that I don’t!? Take care
Hi Abdullah.
“Don’t post anything that could cause upset or that treats anyone unfairly because of their race, gender, sexual orientation, beliefs or illness. Be respectful and don’t post personal attacks”.
“It is fine to disagree with someone, but do so respectfully and concentrate on disagreeing with the opinion without attacking the person who posted it”. From the Guidelines.
The title of this thread ’ Wish I didn’t wake up’ is in itself negative therefore attracting and allowing others who feel the same to post their feelings so why would the positive people feel the need to contribute and deride others because they don’t agree with their sentiments Stay out of threads you don’t agree with so you don’t end up upsetting yourself and others, it’s not rocket science!
Me too, dreading Christmas, dreading the long winter days and nights, I have two children 15yrs and 16yrs, so I will paint a smile on my face for their sakes… I feel so lonely and cheated, I see couples out together, walking, holding hands and to know I will never be able to do the same with Mike ever again is a hard cross to bare.
I think the idea of all moving into a Country House to support each other sounds like a wonderful idea, if only.
For me, the hardest thing is not having someone you can talk to face to face who has also lost a partner and really understands the overwhelming grief and sense of panic at a future without our partners with us. Mike was only 57, we were both robbed of our future and not for a moment did either of us anticipate one of us would be travelling alone so soon.
This forum is a lifeline, so although we can’t meet face to face at least we can support one another.
@MrsColt A very good point! I posted a very negative title and it reflects how I feel. It is good to hear from people who feel more positive as long as they understand a lot of us don’t.
@PeterL. Of course knowing you to be an intelligent man I knew you would check out the SJW before you took it. As the others have pointed out there are some medications you should not take it with. Some statins for example. I just thought you might not know about it. I only found out when my GP wanted me to start anti depressants… He said SJW can be helpful so I decided to reject the anti depressants. Take care
Thank you Johnswife. I will have a word with my GP first. He isn’t the most sympathetic sort of guy. I rang him in a pretty dreadful state two or three weeks after Gill died. He dismissed my state as “being a normal part of the grieving process and didn’t approve of antidepressants” I am sorry that our site has become a philosophical
debating chamber once more. it really isn’t helpful for those of us living with the awful pain of separation, we need each other’s love and support.
Peace and Light be with you all. (I read that somewhere!)
@PeterL I am so sorry your doctor spoke to you like that. How insensitive. We need kindness and support. It’s a shame the forum has problems from time to time but all social media seems to be like that. I am glad we didn’t have it when I was growing up. I sent you a private message earlier.
@PeterL If you go to your profile avatar at the top and just touch it you will see a list showing you where people have liked or posted comments. There will be one with my name and an envelope beside it.
I too feel like there’s nothing at the end of our time. I know I’ll see darkness and then I won’t wake up again I’m afraid of the dark anyway and I’m dreading it tbh I hope I go peacefully and that I do see the light coz it’s scary the thought of it just darkness. One thing I’m looking forward to is seeing my husband again and then I’ll be happy again till then I’ll suffer in silence and try to hide my pain. I just want us to be together again like it was for 27 years take care.
Louise7 I recognise and share your despair. However if we didn’t believe that we will become reunited with our loved-ones at our death then our present and immediate “future” lives become not just even more unbearable but utterly pointless as well. I think I have established that my grief for Gill has damaged me mentally, this will go some way to explain what I want to share with you all now. Yesterday, I think it was yesterday as days don’t matter anymore, I began to day-dream about our meeting in the Other Place when I die. How will we greet each other , we won’t be able to hug because, presumably, we will simply be spirits then I decided that we would simply melt into each other with a feeling of overwhelming joy. The more I think about my day-dream the more real it seems to become so I now have something rather wonderful to look forward to. I will gladly share my dream with you all.
Love and Light from Peter
@PeterL Thank you what a lovely dream. Overwhelming joy. I know I will feel that the moment I die and can be with John again in whatever form I may take.
Johnswife, Geoff, Ann and Debbie, etc. You have all gone rather quiet! I hope you are all still surviving your individual hells? Old friends of ours have invited me to their home for lunch on Saturday. It would be my first social outing since losing my dearest Gill. I’m not sure I am strong enough to face the inevitable “empty chair” and the prospect of crying, even infront of very old friends, is daunting. Have any of you faced up to this situation yet?
Hi peter i can understand how you feel at the prospect of having lunch with friends i haven’t done that yet christmas will be the first one without ed and i’m dreading it tho i’ve been invited to spend it with my sister and her partner i honestly don’t kbow how i’ll get through it probably do what i always do paint on a smile and pretend i’m fine but my heart in bits then come home cry loads then drink a lot desperately wanting the day to be over take care debbie x
Dear Peter
Things do get rather quiet from time to time. I think sometimes people need to reflect further in their grief before communicating again. Im going to private message you if you don’t mind. Giving you my email address so we never feel alone.
Love and Light
Geoff x
.
Hello Peter
I haven’t gone anywhere! I think it was just that I didn’t come across your post. Thank you for missing me and the other “regulars”!
It’s lovely that you have been invited out. It would probably do you good to go, and if you were to cry, then good friends would understand. I felt the same as you the first time my daughter invited me for a meal and seeing the empty chair where my husband had always sat was very hard. I forced myself to think of something else and managed to get through it. I won’t lie - it wasn’t easy at all but it was another hurdle over. When I went back there the next time, it was a lot easier.
I wish you luck and courage.
Stay out of threads you don’t agree with so you don’t end up upsetting yourself and others, it’s not rocket science!
