Wishing he would come home

Losing a partner
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I lost my husband at the end of February. I try to keep busy to get through each day. But then I get overwhelmed and just find myself wishing he would come home.
How does anyone else cope with this?

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Sorry for your loss , i lost my husband January this year.i try to take one day at a time you are still grieving ,i know how hard it is ,try and think of the good memories you shared together ,that is how i cope,Take care of yourself.

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Thanks, lucycat. You are so right about one day at a time.
Everybody tells me to remember the happy times but I find it too painful. It just reminds me of everything I have lost. Perhaps it is too soon and something that will come with time.

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I agree memories hurt they remind you of what you had and what you’ve lost. 11 months for me still wish he’d come home. I’ve got to keep going 3 kids still at home 22, 19 and 11.
I honestly don’t know how I got through 11 months but somehow I have, they say time helps but I don’t know how much time needs to go by sending love

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10 weeks for me. The physical pain is lessening but I only had one day when I haven’t cried. This will be the hardest club you’ve ever joined, sorry.

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Sorry for your loss. I lost my wife in January and know how you feel.
Like you i keep myself busy but find it hard to focus on one thing for long , so i have loads of things started, but not finished.
We all wish our partners would come home, but i watched my wife pass and to be fair on her, after being ill for so long and bedbound the last two years and basically a riddle of bones, it was a blessing. No more pain.

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Thank you all for your kind responses.
It helps to know others feel the same.

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Thank you for reply

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Hi
My wife has been gone 9 months now and to be honest I don’t really know how I got through the first couple of months, just took one day at a time. We had 5 children so they kept me on track. Keeping busy as some have mentioned is good, I make a plan at the start of each week just so I have something to focus on getting done.

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Thanks Will1970
Yes I make a to do list. It helps having something to focus on.

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It is truly difficult to believe they’re not coming home. Months after my husband died I was still waiting for him to come home at lunchtime - I even used to make two mugs of tea like I always did. Just to hear his keys in the door once more and throwing them on the stairs :cry: it’s been three years for me and although it does get easier you never lose that feeling of missing that special person so much.

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Mrs Blue Sky.
OK, I did not lose a partner, I lost my mum, she was 95, I was 62,she passed from dementia inn my arms January last after I had been her principle carer for 4 years, but we DID live together in a bungalow for some 11 years more or less as a couple and more then once hotel staff and shop workers have inadvertently referred to my mum to me as ‘your wife’ much to our ammusment and there imbarrassment!!! (I have a late Prince Philip sense of humour, but without the ‘Purple langrage’ :crazy_face:!!!)
You will still be finding your way, I still am some 15 months on, try not to take on everything at once, set yourself a task for each day and do it, ,I am still doing that.

For the first hundred days since my mum passed I counted each day of my ‘post mum era’ after 100 days I stopped counting, I realise know, that was the first sign that I was getting myself back together, I have been plagued with ill health both towards the end of my mums illness and subsequently, my mums doctor took one look at me on a home visit and put me under the practice mental health nurse, she could see I was close to the edge, that act of simple kindness may well have saved my life, I realise that grief can kill, it effects every cell in your mind and body, if you feel ill at this time YOU MUST SEE YOUR GP, those friends who owe you favours, know is the time to call the favour in, and know is the time you will find who your friends really are, cherish those who answer your request and hold them close, DO NOT waist your time and energy on those who do not, unless they have a valid reason, seek congenial company if you desire it, if you wish to be alone, then that is ok as well.

Try to eat properly, if you are not upto full meals then just snack on what ever takes your fancy during the day, avoid alcohol, its a depressant, take reguler cups of tea and plenty of sleep is probably a good idea, also make time to relax each day, take a hot soak in the bath, read a book in bed with a cup of chocolate, or what ever you
fancy, if the sun is shining, rap up well and go for a walk, that will boost your serotonin levels and help you to feel better.I suspect you live alone like I do, and if that is for the first time in your life that can be quite daunting, sometimes I feel depressed knocking about the house by myself, at others I enjoy being able to please myself, but I have no intention of moving, there are so many jobs to do around the place, I think I have more or less got used to my new life, its not one I wanted, and I will not see my mum again until I in turn leave the earth plane(I expect to be greeted by my twin, I had a paranormal experience with him the night after he passed, not going into it here, take to long)

Yes, keep busy, but PASE YOURSELF!!, and be kind to yourself, early days can be overwhelming, and you probably do not have the same energy levels just know as before.

Blessings to you Mrs BlueSky :innocent:
Tim xx

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Sorry for your loss, I know how you feel, I lost my partner March 3rd, I can’t imagine doing this life without him, 6 long painful weeks and forever left to go not hearing his voice or seeing his face or feeling his touch, it’s torture :broken_heart:

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Thank you Tim007 for your lovely message

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Thanks Kelly29. That sums up exactly how I feel in trying to do this life without him xx

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Know that feeling lost mum 12 months ago she was the last of my family and now Im alone in the world saw her every day and now I feel redundant I try to keep up a relationship by keeping family traditions at Easter birthday and Christmas go to places she enjoyed walking in the country and finding a quiet spot just to connect I talk to them everyday and try to think they just in another room just round a corner just out of sight and that helps me sort of cope take it a day at a time best wishes to you x

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Thanks Redrose xx

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Hello Redrose, I suspect you grieved alone for your mum, as I did, and its a very cold and lonely feeling when ones loved one is removed from the house for the last time if you are alone, ‘Call an undertaker’ that was all the night nurse said to me after they examined the lifeless body of my mum in order to certify death just after my local minister had left, I am lucky in that my sister in law lives near by, had my twin not got hitched I would really be alone, she is know my next off kin, and we get on well together, my heart goes out to you, to be truly alone in this world is horrible, try to go on holidays for recently bereaved and lonely singles, there you will meet people in a similar situation to yourself on neutral ground, you may find someone who you can really bond with.
Try not to feel redundant, you are into jive and fell walking, consider a singles walking holiday, never know who you might meet, join a club, take up a new hobby, start a business(I do clock repair, semi retired engineer) take up paragliding and combine it with fell walking, what ever takes your fancy, at least you are getting out to the fells and the outdoors, that is good for you, getting out of the house is important, eventually you will be able to think of your mum with out it destroying you, year today since my mums funeral, I practically ran the service myself, I have reached the point of acceptance, that will come to you in time, grief does not last forever, a good friend in your life would do wonders for you, consider that walking holiday for recently bereaved singles, you might find that person who will walk this hard path with you, for that is what it is, and I have had moments when I just wanted to end it, then I think of the sacrifices made by mu mums generation to beet Hitler, and THAT, gives me the steel to go on.

Blessings to you. :innocent:

Tim xx

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Hi Mrs BlueSky, ask me anything you like, we are all in this together.

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I lost my wife a year ago after 46 years i still miss and talk to every night before going to sleep it helps me to think she is still with me here