I haven’t lost anybody since I was 13 years old and I can’t remember much apart from being sad.
On the 28th October I lost my nan. My nan was a massive part of my life and she had been in hospital after a stroke. She was on end of life for 6 days.
I was with her, hugging her as she took her last breath and I can’t get what I saw out of my head,
It was horrific and I haven’t slept since. I can’t get over that she isn’t here anymore. I just think I’m in a bad dream.
My beloved partner died 6 foot away from where I am sitting in our lounge. Witnessing her death and last breath was the most painful thing that ever happened to me. I still see it at times, but after 20 weeks I have learned to block it out, knowing that she died where she wanted, surrounded by those who loved her so deeply and truly. She wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, although she knows her comfort came at the cost of our heartache and painful recall. She doesn’t want me/us to focus on that, we granted her wish in death, and now we grant her wish after death, to remember all the lovely things that made her so precious to us, her smile, her fun, her wisdom, her laugh and every other wonderful thing that will serve you well going forward. This is where we try to focus, however hard it is. I read your words, I empathise, I understand. Be gentle on yourself
Hi, I’m sorry to hear this. I lost my Dad in July to Liver cancer. I was there at the end and whilst I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else it was traumatic. Sometimes it replays in my head too. It is so hard and I think everything you’re feeling is normal. Everyone tells me grief is a process but I just feel a different person and life is not the same anymore. I don’t have anything else to offer other than I totally understand.
Hi Connie15
I was at the dying breath for my wife and mother-in-law…
I realy didnt want to be for fear of whats happened to yourself, remembering that devastatingly painful moment…
In fairness ive not slept well for ages now, but ive thought on the memory often…
To the people who are passing away we are there to the very end to comfort and calm them and to let them know they are so very much loved as they go to their next chapter peacefully, i wouldnt realy like to pass away alone…
So its a mixed blessing… very painful memorys but so selfless and loving for you to have been there…
Take care connie15
Chris
I was by my husband’s side for the whole of his last three weeks on earth. Like you, I keep replaying the last few minutes over, and over. I loved him so much, and in his last few moments he turned his head to me, and I KNOW he was telling me the same. He always said he would love me until his dying breath. The fact that he did that totally breaks me time and time again.
At the moment of my wife’s last breath my daughter had just come back into the room at the hospice and I had just finished talking to her best friend on the phone, as I turned to her to tell her who was on the phone she turned to me and died - and at that time her face returned to the look that she had in her forties and she had a peaceful and blissful expression - though that only lasted a couple of seconds until a brown ish liquid discharged from her nose and mouth and the nurses stepped in, while I and my daughter left the room in floods of tears. We had been with her at her side for the 48 hours prior to that and from the expressions on her face, she knew we were there and that we loved her.
I’m so glad I was there to see her as I now remember her rather than as the cancer ravaged face she had at the end. It also means that I have been able to reconcile with the fact that she died because I witnessed her at point of death. It still hurts like f**k but it has allowed me to start to move forwards and try to build a third life for myself - first life was before meeting her, second was while I was with her.