Hello all… it’s 5 weeks today that I was given the shattering news my Chloe had died. My world stopped/changed forever that moment as I know you will all understand. I’m into my 5th week off work (I work 40 hours a week ) We had Chloe’s funeral last Thursday and I have been In regular contact with my manager and said I may return a week after Chloe’s funeral but on a phased return. Which will be next Monday. I am full of anxiety, my job is a receptionist in a vets which is pretty busy and I know so many people having worked there for 11 years. I’m so scared. I just don’t know if I’m ready. But also have to think sadly of practicality’s as I’m on my own with my 19 year old daughter.
I’m not sure what to do:((
What have other people done with work?

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This is a difficult one.

Some say the longer they are off the harder it is to go back.
Some say it’s a temporary distraction going back

I think a phased return is a good idea rather than going back head on into 8 hour days .

Personally I can face going back yet after 10 weeks and feel like I want to get a new job where nobody knows me .
I suppose I’m lucky I have husbands wages too .

We are all In different circumstances and whilst the grief stays the bills will keep coming in .

Just try a few hours and see how you get on .



This might help ……

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Thank you so much xx

Navvy71 I hope if you go to work on Monday it goes well for you. I really can’t give any advice on how to cope etc at work as I don’t work which I appreciate I am extremely lucky not having too, I was going to return to work part time this year until I lost my son in March to a drugs overdose. I hope your work colleagues will be kind and supportive to you. Take care xx

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You have to be able to cope with people who will inevitable expect you to be ‘ok’ now .

Although well meaning they will say the wrong things and you will have to have a lot of tolerance ……which is in short supply with me currently .


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Tilly13 I have zero tolerance at the moment for anything. My whole attitude is not always pleasant and I know that but I don’t care. Told my partner the other day if people don’t like what I say it’s not my problem it’s there’s. To be honest most people annoy me and this site is the only place I can talk openly without being judged xx


Ive been signed off for 4 weeks so far ( 5wweks since son left,) ifr just put in another request, these last few days have been my worst crying most of the time, theres no way i can even attempt to do my job, not even driving there. Ive not even managed to speak to my boss my sister has.

Hi @navvy71

Did you go back to work today ?


Ah bless you for asking , thank you.

I did return for just 4 hours. It was fairly quiet luckily.
Slightly longer hours tomorrow. I cried on the way home .
It’s not quite 6 weeks since I lost Chloe. I still am struggling massively to accept this is my reality now and currently having a cry. Life is so so unfair. I just can not believe she isn’t on this earth anymore.
Feel so empty. Lost and so alone.
I really appreciate you asking and remembering.
How are you? Xxx

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You have done so well today by returning to work, it was a huge step to take. I’m sure your tears are all mixed emotions. I think we all struggle thinking this is our new life, one we don’t actually want. I feel empty and I’m 5 months ahead of you. I hope you sleep well tonight as today was probably exhausting. Don’t get pushed into doing to many hours too quickly your health is important. Take care xx

I’m glad you got on ok(ish)
Not suprised you cried on way home after having to stay composed for 4 hours.
6 weeks is still so early . You’ve done amazingly well to go back .
It’s hard to accept this new reality .
I am struggling to get through each day .
It’s so hard .
Like you I can’t believe I won’t see my boy again .

But please remember you are not alone


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Thank you for your kind message. It was a massive struggle to go in today and I was very anxious but I am on my own with my 19 year old daughter and as someone replied before the bills still keep coming.

I also agreed with my employer that when colleagues speak with me i don’t want to talk about is as I’ll just end up a wreck at work as well and I think it’s good to have a slight distraction. As I’ve been talking with a lady from compassionate friends she said about the train tracks of grief … initially we are on the grief track constantly but gradually we need to jump off onto the restoration track for a small break… and there’s nothing wrong with that. We need it.
Thank you once again for your kindness xxx

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Hello and thank you as well for your message.

I know I am certainly not going to rush with too many hours. I normally work 40 hours per week but am going to try to reduce to a few hours less. I don’t think I can do that many now.
How are you? Xxx

My husband went back last Thursday after 5 weeks off, his employer has said he can do reduced hours , but after going back to 1600 emails he doesn’t think he can reduce his hours.

Don’t overdo it. I had bad day yesterday but think it’s because the inquest is next week and it’s making me feel anxious. It won’t change anything. Hope your day at work tomorrow goes ok xx

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Currently struggling to get back to sleep.
Oh I’m not surprised you are feeling anxious. I have a feeling my situation will turn into an inquest in time as well.
I hope you feel a little better in the morning. Take care and be kind to yourself xx

Nighttime is the worst, i wake at about 12.30 and thats it then the thoughts start overagain

I have not had a problem sleeping which is good but do feel for anyone who can’t sleep. As soon as I wake up which is early I have to get up otherwise my head goes into overdrive along with my heart pounding.

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I bet all the exercise helps you sleep too!

I’m amazed at the fact I’ve slept ok since my son left .