i can’t believe at 35 years old, after 20 years with my soulmate, 3 children together, we are now facing our first xmas without him! i have never felt in so much pain in my life, i just want to give up. struggling to even crawl through the days… i just want this to end… sending love to everyone who’s feeling this pain xx
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You are so young and not fair for you . But upu got ypur children and your health so hang on to that. Have you had any bereavment counselling? Xx
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@Scarl34
I feel your pain.When my husband died suddenly in September I didn’t think I would survive the first week, but I did, then the first month and now its 14 weeks that I’ve survived. You will find an inner strength you might never have realised you had and like all of us you’ll find a way to live with the loss. We’re all going through this together and Christmas is making it so much worse, but you have friends here to talk to whenever you need. I’m thinking about you xx
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@Deb5 yes been having counselling i missed this weeks as everthing is just too much so will go in new year… the pain right now is excruciating… just can’t believe it’s xmas eve and we’re all so broken and struggling so so much xx
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@Mist2 yes xmas definitely makes the pain more raw… i physically feel in so much pain im shaking constant and feel sick… just the absolute worst time, not that any day is easy etc but this is just awful xx
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No Its so tough isnt it 
last year he had just passed and i was in a right old state and i cant actually remember anything i did ??? I know people kept inviting me places and i kept saying no. This year bit better in myself but only my daughter invited me on xmas day but i still said no. Been finding the build up really hard … people go so over the top with it now ! Its all top show !! Think its best im just by myself which will be hard but its very painful without them isnt it ! Just another reminder we not got them here … we somehow have to survive … god knows why half the time ? Cant really see the point … its bloody hard work carrying around this broken heart … i miss being cared for and loved … that was the most important thing for me and now i not got that ! I got my puppy bless her - she keeps me going … i love her so much xx
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I decided to be on my own as well Deb, I cannot possibly be a part of being jolly and festive, why should we when feeling so utterly desolate inside. We can do as we like, when we like and not have to think about putting on an act.
I hope we all get through these Christmas days as well as we can. xxx
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Im on my own as well, by choice. Ive had invites, but Penny won’t be there. So Im happy to stay at home with our two little dogs, this is where the best memories are. Im intending to get out to a favourite place somewhere and chat to her whilst I eat a turkey sarnie and xmas cake. The weather isnt looking too good, though, so that might not happen.
I bought her some flowers for Xmas, and they are in a vase next to her photo, alongside her favourite Xmas decoration (a fluffy snowman)
Everybody, just hang in there, drag up thousands of happy memories. Have the happiest xmas you can possibly manage.
PS Ive just thought I should cook my turkey breast today, and eat it cold tomorrow. I think that will make tomorrow easier because it will be less traditional and I wont miss her as much. Plus, I prefer it cold and Ill need some for my sarnie
tomorrow (fingers crossed for the weather)
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Yeh the weather really is flipping awful !! Just looked outside and went eugh !! Xx
Hi @deb5. I was hoping to get myself up into the Peak District and do a bit of coddiwompling:wink:
, but I think I need some drier, calmer, weather to enjoy it properly.
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@tykey good on you for even buying a turkey that’s a big step. Christmas dinner was Steve’s favourite meal of the year, he loved it so I can’t bring myself to have one. I only dragged myself to the shop yesterday as I realised my fridge was totally empty and I do need to eat. Christmas will never be the same again but we have to do what we feel is right for us. We can only do our best and remember our loved ones. My heart goes out to all that feel our pain.
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Sorry but weather beautiful in West Country. Sun shining. Very mild. Very very quiet. Couple of neighbours walking their dogs and 1 car.
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Is it ! Awful here ;( lucky you xx
Whats that ? Lol xx
Oh @Helen24 i know exactly what you mean ! Dragging yourself to the shop when ypure not even bothered about any of it ! I do the same !! Cant be bothered half the time … always wait until my fridge is empty before i go to do the dreaded shopping xx
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@Deb5 i work in a supermarket so you think I’d be a bit organised but after my shift I just couldn’t wait to get home. When I say I had nothing in the fridge I mean nothing. Had a word with myself so when and got some bits and pieces.
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@Deb5. Shopping is a chore now, because we cannot be bothered and have to ignore the food our loved ones especially liked.
I have just been a short walk and thinking about tomorrow, I realised more than ever that I am doing the right thing being on my own. I want to be in our home with my memories and feel my husband here with me and our love, not wanting anyone else around.
My best wishes to everyone, I hope your day will be as well as it can. xx
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@Rome18 i am sat here watching die hard, Steve’s favourite Christmas film, drinking coffee out of his cup (I don’t even drink coffee) and eating his favourite biscuits. I’m also spending tomorrow alone but by choice. Like you I feel his presence and love being in our home.x
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@Rome18 and @Helen24
I feel exactly the same. I just want to have my thoughts and memories on my own. As far as shopping is concerned I’ve been having mine delivered. Can’t face going in our supermarket. And if I’ve had to go to our High Street for anything I keep bumping into people who want to offer me their sympathy and I hate being in tears in a public place. So I opt for the easy way out.
Thinking of everyone today xx
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Yeh its hard being around other people being so happy and jolly isnt it ! My daughter asked if wanted to go there - but turned her down ! Wish i hadnt now but not had the offer again ! Xx