WOW!!! What a fantastic lot of uplifting posts. Yes, uplifting! I know we are grieving and in pain, but passing onto others how you are coping helps so much. We all handle it differently, but a common thread connects us all. Thank you all. Blessings.
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I’m with you Catrina, I also feel so lost and I’m usually a confident person, resilient and determined I have been called including by my boss when at work yet now I can’t believe how my loss has affected and changed me. I certainly never expected this. But I am determined to see my grief through to the bitter end and I will win through. If I was younger I would probably do something drastic to change my life. Certainly have a mixture of emotions over the days and just as I think I;m moving slightly forward I go backwards again. Don’t understand quite why this should be. So your not alone. We will stay strong and positive. Good luck
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It really is hard all the differnt emotions you go through in a short space of time
It makes me feel so tired
I find it helps me to write my feelings down .we will get through this we have to for our loved ones
Am looking at it this way they are stlll with us just in a differnt way
Take care x
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It really is hard all the differnt emotions you go through in a short space of time
It makes me feel so tired
I find it helps me to write my feelings down .we will get through this we have to for our loved ones
Am looking at it this way they are stlll with us just in a differnt way
Take care x
Yes you both are right, I seemed to forget who I was and no confidence but at the same time you have to fight all the legal side of your love one going. The more pain it causes the more your body wants to close down and go to sleep but then sleep doesn’t come. It’s circle that you go round and round on. It does get better but don’t expect it to happen overnight. It’s hard work putting a brave face on for the outside world. Keep smiling.
Hello Catrina, never worry about how you feel, there are no right and wrong emotions. We are all stronger than we think and all deal with this awful situation in our own way. I am now 17 months on from losing John and still have wobbly days, sometimes just for a short while and sometimes for a couple of days, but they do pass. I am not sure what my future holds, none of us are, but I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that something new is just around the corner. Live in hope and not despair. Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone, people are going through this all over the world every day. Somehow we all find our own path through x
Hi Pat.
I think I can say that you don’t have to be younger to change your life. The past is history and today is the first day of the rest of your life. Only we can drive change forward. I’ve found that escaping the everyday has had a transformative effect. Maybe changing your life can make you feel younger. I’ve just shed 30 years.
I’m moving on to Cornwall today in what is a remarkably simple life at the moment.
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Good luck YorkshireLad, very much agree our future is in our own hands.
Good luck YorkshireLad, very much agree our future is in our own hands.
Kezz
You make so much sense
I say that everything is done for a reason too
As my late mum used to say as one door close another one opens
I can’t see how I will carry on but I know I have too .
Thank you for sharing with us
Cat x
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I lost my husband over two years ago. I still can’t believe that this has happened to me. It doesn’t seem possible. When I retired I joined the U3A, an organisation where older people can join activities and socialise. I was so grateful to the U3A I wrote a book called Second Chance about a woman who had lost her best friend and didn’t know how to cope until she joined the U3A. Little did I know that I would be in the same position. I packed my book away and forgot about it. When my husband died I suddenly realised that I should publish it or all my work would be wasted. It is now on Amazon. I didn’t do it for the money. I love the U3A. It is such a wonderful organisation especially for the bereaved. I don’t know what I would have done without it. I will just be happy if people enjoy it and maybe join the U3A. It isn’t just for intellectuals! There are all kinds of activities, something for everyone. My thoughts are with you all. Pattoa.
You know YL you are right. I have always said that age is a number and this country is so obsessed with age, so what was I thinking in saying I’m too old, perhaps I’m just too lazy or can’t be bothered at the moment. I do have my dogs to think about but I am now determined to not waste time by being negative. My mother disappeared for months after dad died suddenly, true she was only in her forties but she returned a different woman and made a new life for herself, I admire her now although we all thought she had gone potty at the time. I am so pleased you are transformed, so by the time you return home you will be a teenager. I must get myself a camper van immediately !!!.
Pat xxx
I am glad that you mentioned the tiredness, I seem to be permanently exhausted, It is good to know that I am not alone with that. I just seem to find everything so difficult to get started on. I keep putting things off that need doing. It is getting a bit better but it’s a slow process.
Tiredness, aches yes I’m having that problem today. went out walking this morning and all was fine, yet this afternoon I could have curled up and gone to sleep and I am literally dragging myself around, even getting my tea was an effort and the washing up is in the bowl, can’t be bothered. I’m usually a pretty energetic person and usually feel well physically. So pleased this has been mentioned as I thought there was something very wrong. as not like me at all. Going to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow. Pat xx
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It is good to know that you are not alone with these weird feelings. Grief manifests in very strange ways. I was not prepared for the fear that often overwhelms me from nowhere, I don’t even know what I’m afraid of. I just suddenly feel scared of everything. I am a strong person so I hate it when it happens. I wish you well and hope it passes soon x
So many positives on this site and a great outlook on life moving forward.
I too have found that I am finally able to look towards a new and different future.
By thinking of the future it made me realise that the ever seemingly rapid decrease in months leading to Christmas and New year will be the first without my partner.
Though in this country the build up seems to start in September!
Yes there is summer yet to come but for once I am planning ahead!
I don’t wish to go backwards and be the spectre at the feast with family, much as I know they would be there to support me.
Instead I have booked some time abroad, different places with new experiences.
Memories of my partner will be with me wherever I am.
Spoke to a local resident recently whose husband had died, she thought her children were adults so they didn’t need her why not do something interesting with her life. She was not just going to give up at the age of sixty eight.
With that in mind she used her English teaching qualifications and set off as a voluntary English teacher for two years in China.
Two years of incredible experiences and lasting friendships.
An inspiration!
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Dear Kess
Thank you for the hope you offer. I hope I am going to cope the way you have - and thank you so much for sharing your story. None of us know how much longer we have and I am not sure about my belief of the afterlife - I also have a duty not to leave my children - even though they are grown up. I know my husband would not have coped if it had been the other way round - or I don’t think he would have. I still work - I am 63 but as soon as I am brave enough I will return to work. My job is demanding so not sure I am up to it yet - but have already had several texts about catching up next week - can you believe it ! But I am not going to be pressured into going back too soon. I know my nights are going to be long and lonely - even though my daughter still lives at home - she will be out (I hope as I have no wish to curtail her life) - but hope to fill my time like you have. I know you posted this a long time ago but the thread continues to run so what you have said is so relevant and encouraging.
Trisha x
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I have not been on for a while but this thread is just what I needed … in the last 12 months I’ve lost my mum aged 60… my husband 36 and my mother in law I was left with small children and diagnosed with Graves’ disease I’m 38 … I have days where I feel like the world is out to punish me for something and thinking of a long future alone terrifies me … but this post has given me a little hope so thank you x
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Michelleb, you are the one that makes each of us think again about what we should be thankful for, your story tells us to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and just get on with life and be thankful for what we have. I know we all are worried about what the future holds and how we will cope particularly when things go pear shaped. Some how we do bounce back and yes life goes on whether we want it to or not. You have such strength and with your little ones you have a bright and happy future. Try not to think that you are being punished but that you are very strong and you will cope so in the end you will be even stronger. Everything has a reason why, we just aren’t given the reason. I know everyone who reads your story will be inspired by your strength and will want to send you love and blessings.
Just to make you smile, yes it’s 4.30 am, why am I up? My cat bought me a present, (a mouse) yes at that time of night. Now I can only hope I can go back to sleep after dispose of said body.
Blessings and remember we are all sending you our best wishes and love. S
Dear MichelleB
I really do not know what to say. To lose so many in such a short time . After losing someone we all cannot bear to think of the future but you sound like an amazing mum and we always put our children first. Mine are grown up - but bringing up two fabulous children was always mine and my husband’s greatest achievement. No doubt it will be very tough for you on your own - but you sound like you can do this. Your husband will be looking over you and your children. First time I am doing something really on my own today - not looking forward to it - but know I can do it.
Take care - my thoughts are with you.
Trisha x