Young Widow ( but not young enough!)

I have become a “widow” suddenly 6 weeks ago at the age of 56, I consider 56 young as I am not of retirement age still working. I have searched “Young Widow” groups and the “Widowed and Young " group is for 51 and under, pardon me for being 5 years older! My husband was 65 when he passed, and I found myself looking at the ages of people who had died in the local paper and thinking on that day, my husband was the youngest! I also struggled seeing my husbands death certificate with my name on it as “widow” to me I will always be his wife! I don’t like the word “widow” although I know I am one! sounds like a bloody pantomime ! and when people say " Oh your still young you have to get on with your life!” the thought of having maybe 30+ years without him hurts.

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Yes you are still young, and how silly for a support group to have an age limit, all ages can hekp each other the emotions are the same whether your are 30 or 90. I am 64 and do not in anyway consider myself old.
I have no idea how I am going to get through this but i keep thinking about my dad when mum died and other people in the world, there are millions of widowed spouses and they are not all collapsed in the floor in a heap so i can only guess that it is time that helps us to learn how to deal with it, how to live our lives differently and there is nothing we can do except ride the wave till it subsides on to the shore.

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https://way-up.co.uk/

This may help

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Hi , know what you mean was 59 when my husband died he was 58 like the thought of 20+ years ahead scares me . I too feel young but not young I’m also stil working it’s daunting isn’t it x

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Yes the thought of not having a partner now, Nick passed away suddenly 6 weeks ago, we were together 24 years and 17 months ago we eloped to Gretna Green and got married. He was my 3rd time lucky after abusive previous marriage. We both cried when we said our vows and I know I have never felt like that before. No one could ever come close to him, so I know I will be “forever” married to him, which will mean I spend the rest of my life alone. I have at least 10 years until I can retire, I return to work 10th June, and the thought of coming home and no one to tell how my day went . Yes very daunting.

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I’m 52 and found exactly the same thing. I’m too old to join young widow groups but still have to work full time whilst doing all of the other chores we used to share. Any support offered seems to assume i have lots of free time and the luxury of being kind to myself and avoiding any stress! Its a strange age to find yourself alone. Don’t want anyone else but am terrified of living for another 30 years.

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I agree with all these posts except for one thing. I don’t want to be part of a young widower group. I don’t want to move on from her. I don’t want her to be just a memory.
The funeral directors wife told me I was young enough to move on when I went to view her body for the last time - I wrote about that in another post.
I feel great anger that she was taken from me, but I redirect it into making life as it was by doing little things like buying her favourite flowers and planting them. By reminiscing. But life does march on.
My life is changing, but I don’t want anyone else and am also terrified at the thought of being alone.

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That’s the same as me Blake, i would be happy with friendships but nothing more, absolutely nothing more. I am 65 in August which I do not consider that old.

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Can relate to that was with my husband from age of 14 we went from teenagers into adulthood together and planned to grow old together unfortunately was not to be , don’t want anyone else but it is scary looking to future take care all

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I don’t want anyone else either, I would feel like I was cheating on my husband, he was my 3rd time lucky hubby, and thats why I know nothing can compare to him, no one could ever replace him we waited 2 decades to get married then got 17 months of marriage, I am 56 I agree I don’t want to be on my own for the 30+ years but I certainly don’t want anyone else. A widower group would be to talk certainly not to find anyone else not for me anyway.

So am I ! 56, and a "widow "I hate the word, I am still his wife in my eyes and always will be, I am back to work june 10th after my husband passed suddenly on the 15th April, and I really don’t know how I am going to handle it.

That’s just how I feel as well

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yes thats a ditto from me too the thought of 30+ years on my own, but if its not my Nick then its no one

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I’m 52 and also don’t want anyone else but realise I could also live another 30-40 years on my own without him.
That feels like a death sentence and absolutely terrifying.
Feel like my life is over but also try to reflect that others can get through this so so must I.
Never thought it would be happening now though - or be so painful and with such all consuming grief.

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44 here I’m not old enough to be in this situation young enough for some group I don’t want to be in I’d give anything to have them extra years to be to old to be in it

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You really are too young to be here and I am so sorry that you are, but hope you find some support from others.
Although I’m a bit older than you I feel as if the rest of my peers just want to pretend I don’t exist. It’s perhaps too scary to consider that this might happen to them.
Those who do hang in there with me though are definite angels and worth their weight in gold. X

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To close to home for some, some can’t even look at me and my kids without pitying us and I get it 22, 20 and 12 they’ve got a hell of a long future without him. But the pity looks make us retract further from a society we don’t fit in anymore. You keep them angels close x

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Our society is truly awful at dealing with death and bereavement and I really think we need to educate people more.
Even really lovely people I know just stop, stare and panic now when they see me - I’m busy trying to teach my kids how to respond and react with compassion and all they see is other people behaving poorly.
I’m so sorry you and your children are having to deal with all this - it’s hard enough for us all without people making it even more difficult.
I’m thinking of buying a widows podcast T-shirt which says “be nice, my husband is dead “. :weary:. That might cause a stir as I’m walking the dog !!

Sending lots of hugs xx

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I love it I can just imagine their faces :rofl::joy:

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I know exactly how you feel. I dont want to be known as a widower. Well meaning people tell me ill find love again. At the moment , that doesnt figure in my mind.
I know i cant have my wife back and that I have accepted that she is gone. I have to move on somehow, but its too raw at only 5 months.

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