@poppy58 I have sent you a private message. Not very good at them, so hope you get it ok.
Good evening Jen153
So sorry for your loss. Itâs been 12 months since l lost my Lewis . I had a pillow made from one of my husbands favourite shirts and l hold on to that at night time, night time is the worst time for me because we would just cuddle and watch tv in bed before we would fall to sleep . Good night and god bless
Ah Mandy,
I too have a cushion made from one of Eddieâs t-shirts. He had asked me to order it for him about a year before he died, and it says âIâm only human after allâ on the front of it - how I wish that was true! He loved the song by Rag ânâ Bone man. He slept on his own for a good while due to his illness, but I often go into his room and hold the cushion - I have a picture by the bedside of him wearing the t-shirt. Take care xxx
Hi Lesley
My granddaughter got a teddy bear made for me at the teddy bear factory. It is dressed in the same favourite clothes my husband wore plus a little cap and a pair of glasses, but the one thing that she had was a voice recording he had done for her as a college project, she was able to get this incorporated into the teddy. Some may find this a little weird, but when I am really low I squeeze the hand and I canât explain the comfort just hearing his voice brings to me especially on the nights that are frequent when sleep will not come
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Hi IJ02,
Oh how lovely is that? Wish I had something similar. I do have a little video on the computer when he was laughing and playing with our one-year-old granddaughter (at the time). It does bring a little comfort xx
Hello all,
Yesterday was the fifth anniversary for meâŚfive years of aloneness which somehow seem to have happened yesterday! Life will never again be ânormalââŚand what is normal for one person is never the same for another anywayâŚbut I believe we are given this time for a reason and all that we are now is because of what we were blessed to have known.
Things do get âbetterâ as each of us continue to do the best we are able to at any given time⌠we learn to smile again and find little moments of joy in unexpected places. Some of us take refuge in being alone ( I also live in rural Devon with no transportâŚcan go days without seeing another human being!) whilst others prefer to seek company. But all the time we keep going our loved ones live on in our hearts and we know they will never leave.
In our part of the world, we live in a society which has unrealistic expectationsâŚwe have come to think that we are somehow entitled to live âhappily ever afterâ but life is just not like that and so many of us are ill equipped to cope with the realitiesâŚthank goodness we have this site (and others) where we know we are with others who understand and who offer love and support for the darker days. I
Anyway, my reason for posting is to let you know that the site âWhatâs Your Griefâ has a new article entitled âGrowing around Griefâ
which might be a help to some of youâŚit puts forward the view that grief and loss never feel smaller but that life slowly feels bigger with time. Some of us just need more time than others!
Take care everyoneâŚI hope today will bring hope and comfort and that tomorrow will be better than today x
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i know how you feel life is so very hard alone, my husband died 18 months ago from scjd so suddenly
We were had been together for 53 years, ihad known him since i was 15 i seem to awake after a year and realise this is real oh how hard life is nowâŚwill it get easier? we have to carry on and live âŚwe have to be so grateful for all the happiness they gave us and the very special memories
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Polly - Itâs almost 8 months since my husband died. I can only agree with you that life is so hard on our own. Today things went wrong in the house and Keith would have sorted things out quickly and without any fuss. Instead Iâve had my friends husband, then my brother in law and finally a neighbour to help me out. They are all very kind - but I feel such a nuisance and beholden to them. We (as a couple) were always independent and very rarely asked for any help. We too had been together since I was 15, married at 19 and for 48 years.
I donât want this life - I want my old life back- unfortunately that cannot be - so like most people on this site I am trying to manage this horrible way of living - but I donât like it a bit.
Wish we could go back to the way we were.
Take care everyone - Iâm so sad for each and every one on here
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My husband was the âgo to personâ to sort out any repairs. The garage is full of his tools, his jacket still hangs where he left it, his spanners all neatly placed on hooks. I have found myself having to rely on neighbours or friends of husband. I feel vulnerable and pathetic. I have attempted to employ tradesmen but they then do not turn up.
I have sat in the garage today looking at all my husbandâs things, everything he touched and just cried for about an hour. I too do not want this life. If I hear one more person tell me âto be strongâ I think I will scream and perhaps they will appreciate I am not strong, I am a complete shell running on empty, I so need my husband back. I need to be âusâ again but thatâs not possible.
Take care - the journey is hard.
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Thatâs it isnât it - feeling vulnerable and pathetic. I never felt like that before as I was part of a team and the tram was strong.
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Like yourself I never had a reason to feel like this until my husband died. We were unbreakable together and able to face any challenges but now I am so insecure about everything. The pressure of having to make all the decisions and do everything myself is unbearable at times.
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I have had to get a car today. First time Iâve done it by myself. I did it but I was not even interested really - it was just a necessity. I would have always asked his advice and although he would have left it to me, I know he would have always had my back. I liked being part of a team - I hate being solo.
BarbM
Yes we were just like you independentâŚjust being together we were so happy.
Take care its, so hard to believe they are gone forever.X
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Sheila26
I know how you it,s so hard and feels so wrong to make decisions that we done together,its been 18+
months for me and its just dosent seem right that life can carry on.
i hate mornings⌠to think yet another day to get through and going to bed . I guess i was so lucky to have found the love of my life and to have been together for 53 years, losing him from sporadic cjd was so hard. Sorry for being so sad we must smile and think how lucky we were to have had such good husbands . take care and keep safeX
Dear polly1
Yes every morning and every night I sob. The periods inbetween silent cries. The realisation that I will not be able to hold, hug, tell how much we love each other is just so heartbreaking. Your are right lucky to have had such a wonderful husband, dad and granda but the accident stole from us so many more years that we could have spent together. I hope one day to be able to look back and smile just a long way from this at the moment.
Take care.
Polly l know how you feel. I say good night to are girls shut the bedroom door and the lone ness set in another night where l hold a pillow made from his favourite shirt, and l still ask why why did you leave us you need you. Hope one day we can have a smile on are faces and itâs not false. Mandy xx
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Sheila26 Mandyt1234
Ta for replying just to know i am not alone or going crazy or am i. Sometimes i feel like i am in a waiting room waiting âŚWaiting for what?
My daughter said yesterday mum do try and have happy thoughts of dad. i kept quiet but happy thoughts are not around just tears and yearning for what can never be . Sorry morbid againX
Dear polly1
Please no need to apologise. I now call our bungalow - which was all part of mine and husbandâs plans for retirement - the Waiting Room. I just so desperately want and need my husband.
I can understand your reaction to your daughter. They are well intended but our grief is so different to theirs. I have had one family member and a friend urge me to go to the GP to address my âlow moodsâ. I was and am still reeling from their comments. What the hell do they expect, I was with my husband from 18 (he 17) and now 61. I have known only âusâ for the best part of my life and he was my world.
Like yourself everyday I yearn for what I can no longer have
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Hi Polly,
My daughter sounds similar - her husband has just made a bench for her from my husbandâs shed (that had to go). She says we owe it to her dad to remember him for the nice things, but they are absolutely not feeling the way we are. I feel it will be such a long time before I can smile at happy things - I too still cry every day at some point and it is two and a half years for me now. I get up to nothing and nobody - am empty house with just memories. Later I have to pick my grandson up from nursery, so there will be a little laughter, but then I wish my husband could have seen him grow. I have a picture of my grandson with Eddie (my husband) but he was just over one when Eddie died and it makes me feel sad that he canât see him now. Guess we just have to keep trying xxx
Dear Lesley18
Our eldest grandson was only 9 months when my husband died. I have a video clip and photos of them both together the day before he died - the little grandson he adored and now there is another who is destined never to meet his granda. I often go and collect the eldest from nursery and he gives such wonderful hugs - I just so wish my husband was here to share them.