Works martyn … i do it when i need to xc
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Deb5 definitely going to try it
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Hi jevncute so sorry for you loss were in Hull do you live I also live in Hull I lost my husband just over 15 months ago after 52 years together it’s the loneliness that gets you I still cry everyday but not as much as I used to it has got slightly easier I had councilling early on but I now suffer with anxiety don’t like going out by myself although I force myself to go out but thankfully I have an amazing neighbour who is there for me you take care 
time is still very young for you Wendy
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Hiya Wendy where in Hull are you I am west hull. It would be nice to have someone to chat to from Hull. And hopefully meet up at some point like you i am very lonely. Xxx
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Hi jevncute I’m West Hull too Graham Avenue just past Pickering Road and yes it would be nice to talk with someone from your own town and meet up you take care Wendy
Thats brilliant wendy i would love that too. Likebi saidbi dont travel far but it would be lovely to arrange somewhere to meet .and hopefully become friends, and support each other. Hugs jo xxx
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Hi Jo yes it would be nice to meet up somewhere and become friends it certainly is a lonely life and been in the company of someone who is going through the same as you being able to support each other although it’s 15 months since my husband passes I miss him so much and this is not the life I expected ending up having you take care looking forward to meeting you Wendy
Hiy.a Wendy hopefully I have sent you a message. Hugs jo x x
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Hi Jo received it and replied Wendy
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Definitely think it gets harder, i’m coming up to 2 yrs ,at the end of November.
I feel i’m getting worst , the loneliness is awful.
I have a good family , lovely granchildren but I’m pushing them away because of my bitterness in having to live this awful existence 
.
I miss my husband so much , he was the one who kept me sane when i.had one of my psychotic moments , baggage from my childhood has left me paronoid , self loathing and now i’m taking it out on my family , horrible person that I am .
All of you on here are so brave by putting on a brave face in front of your family. I do the same a lot of the time, but there are times when I just lose it , and am horrible to everyone.
Then I start beating myself up because of my behavour.
When my husband was alive he looked after me , and he often got the raw end of my tongue as well, but he was a marvellous gentle caring man who.loved me so much and now hes gone and i feel i have nobody ,
I have my family but feel I am a burden to them , paranoia again , but like you all say, they have their own lives to lead .
I often say what is the point, no one there to look after you 24/7, to talk you, to laugh with you, to just watch a film together.
I’m not a great mixer , I have a couple of good friends and my sister, but sometimes we clash because our upbringing was the same , only I am more honest than she is about things, but she has issues as well.
She lost her husband nearly 5 yrs ago but seems to be managing ok now although she misses him a lot still .
I am on antidepressants 100mgs, dont think they are really helping , so need to go back to the drs again , have also found out i have high cholesterol but cannot take the medication as it makes me so ill I already suffer from IBS. The dr tried me on a different one but it doesnt make any difference , it still upsets my stomach .
I live in a village and dont drive its not easy making an appointment with the dr and then catching a bus to fit in with that appointment.
Everything just seems to be working against me at the moment .
All people say to me is you have to keep fighting , most of them have no idea what its like to live this awful, lonely existence without our loved ones 
.
Love to you all on here
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Hi Carly it’s 15 and half months since I lost my husband I agree with everything you say it is an awful existence without your loved one and when I got passed the 1st anniversary of his passing I felt it was getting worse and not better I still cry everyday but not to the extent I did but the loneliness I can’t cope with, I do go out in company although I still feel apart of me is missing but its when you get back to your lonely house so Carly I do understand everything your going through please take care
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Hi Jenny,
I am 11 years in. Still visit the cemetery a couple of times a month and still celebrate birthdays and other anniversaries. For me, the 2 year mark was the most difficult because, I think, like you, it’s the realisation that our partner is not coming back and we are on our own, potentially, for the rest of our life.
After 2 years I took myself off on a holiday, and at the time, it wasn’t the best idea that I had had. I was so upset most of the time because of course, holidays usually meant two of us. I had downloaded a few albums to listen to and one album was Dido. I had purchased the album years earlier and I swear that there was one track on that album that I had never heard in all the years that I played the album. It was called See the Sun. I played it over and over again. It was about the loss of a partner and the lyrics just struck me. The lyrics acknowledged that after a loss, we don’t want to get up, go out or see anyone, but that we need to do just that, no matter how we are feeling. She promised that it we do all that, we would see the sun again. She made the point that if we loved our partner, then we should be thankful that we knew her at all. It was this song that caused be to reassess my new life and instead of falling apart on anniversaries, I started to use them to celebrate the time we had together. So I can’t say that it was even close to a nice holiday, but it did put me on the path of accepting my life and rebuilding a new one.
I joined a walking group and dusted off a cycle I hadn’t used for ten years!
Those friends who didn’t quite get it, I let go, why keep them if they don’t make you feel happy?
I do now holiday regularly, mostly with a group of supportive widows and widowers called embark2. We have all experienced the loss of our loved one, some, years ago and often some only a few months earlier, but above all, I am on holiday with people who just get it.
Take things at your own pace and in your own time, accept help from friends when offered and if you are not feeling too good and turn down the offer, do let them know that you would appreciate them asking again.
Take care.
John
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Carly your life just seems to echo mine Its nigh on 2 year since I lost my hubby and it just seems worse plus I was the same had childhood issues and he was my rock with this there every time even through my bad night terrors he would hold me and tell me everything is alright but like you I have sisters whom went through the same but just do not acknowledge it as the say “That is in the past” I get very angry at times feeling like I am constantly on the outside looking in and I was at my younger sisters housewarming last week got a bit tearful as looking around all I could see was couples thinking of hubby and how if he had been with me would been the life and soul of the party then something was said by another person which my younger sister took offence to and ended up with her basically saying this is my house my housewarming and you gotta realise he has gone Steven is gone I was gutted and left then even when she sent a pathetic apology as it was all about her still went on at the end to say basically it has been nearly 2 year and you have to get it that life goes on so no wonder sometimes we have all these different emotions towards others am just hoping in what way I do not know but it will get easier hanging onto that wish and hope it will for you also take care xx
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Aw … how mean of her to say that to u ? Its very hard isn’t it ? People just dont understand unless they been through it. Im 20 months into it and i just been crying in the car cos so wish he was sat next to me like he always was - its so lonely and nobody to protect us now 
xx
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Hi read all your stories and its so sad how people treat us grief affects us all eventually and there’s know way of getting away from it, it’s true people do think you should be over it grief it’s a horrendous thing we all have to go through and we do need support not being told you should be getting over it now some people can be so cruel I myself was with my husband 51 years we went everywhere together then one day he’s gone and now my life like yours has totally changed and I don’t like it I’d give anything to have him back again but know I can’t and yes its a very lonely life, know matter what you you always come back to an empty house
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Thank you and you. Xo
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They just dont get it do they, even if they dont understand how it really feels ( until it happens to them). You would think they would try and have a bit of empathy.
I too, look for my husband when i’m out and about, see other couples together, I think to.myself ‘its just not fair’.
I went on holiday with my family last week to Cornwall, it was mine and his favourite place , I had a couple of meltdowns whilst there, my family got quite cross with me , and I just cried and said “Terry where are you” ? ‘This is hell without you’
Dont know how i am going to live like this for the rest of my life without him being there for me , love and miss him so much .
Thank you for your kind words and understanding of my circumstances and its comforting to know someone else feels exactly the same as me .
Look after yourself 
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Carly,
I understand exactly I’m 9 weeks in so I still expect it will be difficult.
I was out in the garden it was sunny and I was weeding my darling wife’s plants.
I was ok for 30 min then I just looked upto the sky and shouted where are you floods of tears and gardening over.
Life will never and can never be the same I realise that but never just how depressing and bad it actually is
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Yeh its tough Steve, its the toughest thing i ever had to go through ! But the pain eases ya know … honestly it does …it just takes time xx
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Deb 5
Thanks for your comments and I think you are correct it’s all a matter of time to get some improvment
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