So did i but theyre rubbish arent thet ! They havent got a flipping clue how hard this is 
or if they do they donāt careā¦ im further along than you ā¦ im 20 months into this ive joined a dating site - i decided sod it i need to find someone xx
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So very recent for you and so hard to bear, this is the worst thing in the world to bear but believe me it does get a little easier as time goes by or at least a little less ārawā. The heartache and the longing remain of course they do but, for me at least, after just over 2 yrs the sobbing is much less frequent although I still shed a few tears most mornings and again at bedtimes. I hope the counselling helps, I thought about it but the only service locally was group sessions run by a woman from the local GP practice. I live in a small village and no way was I going to share my innermost thoughts with a group of people who lived locally and who maybe could not be trusted privacy wise. I tried to find a private counsellor but would have had to travel a fair distance via motorway and just could not face that at the time.
Wishing you all the very best, take care x
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Ty knspol i understand why notbi live in a town so I dont knowvthe counselling ppl and they dont know me. I am truly hoping so the pain is horrendous at the moment all i do is cry. Its so hard and lonely. Ty for caring. Xxx
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I truly hope it helps you to offload and maybe feel just that little bit better. I actually bought a notebook and I used to write to my dear husband. I poured out all my thoughts and feelings, regrets and apologies, memories, and appreciation pages and pages of it at a time and I always felt a little lighter afterwards. Iām on my second book now and write less frequently but it does always help me to feel better. I just wish Iād said many of the things to him when he was here with me so that he really knew how much he meant to me. This has worked for me, maybe give it a try?
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I will someone else mentioned about keeping a journal. Dies it really ever get any better does the pain actually lessen. I should knot these things this is my second time round, my first husband died from a dvtin 2005. We where only together 5years married for almost 3. He was only 37 i was 39. Then i met Gra in a widow and widowers chat room . We met he moved up here to Hull from oxford in 2007 we married 2008. He was 16 yrs older than me but sfter lising Steve I really thought i had found my forever happiness. Now i am alone again its horrendous. I also suffer from agrophobia so dont socialise. That is why Gra moved up here. He gave up everything he knew to be with me we where so happy, we didnt need anyone else. So sorry for your loss too. HUGS JO X
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Thankyou. My daughter and stepson dave suggested this today .going to try this
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Works martyn ā¦ i do it when i need to xc
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Deb5 definitely going to try it
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Hi jevncute so sorry for you loss were in Hull do you live I also live in Hull I lost my husband just over 15 months ago after 52 years together itās the loneliness that gets you I still cry everyday but not as much as I used to it has got slightly easier I had councilling early on but I now suffer with anxiety donāt like going out by myself although I force myself to go out but thankfully I have an amazing neighbour who is there for me you take care 
time is still very young for you Wendy
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Hiya Wendy where in Hull are you I am west hull. It would be nice to have someone to chat to from Hull. And hopefully meet up at some point like you i am very lonely. Xxx
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Hi jevncute Iām West Hull too Graham Avenue just past Pickering Road and yes it would be nice to talk with someone from your own town and meet up you take care Wendy
Thats brilliant wendy i would love that too. Likebi saidbi dont travel far but it would be lovely to arrange somewhere to meet .and hopefully become friends, and support each other. Hugs jo xxx
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Hi Jo yes it would be nice to meet up somewhere and become friends it certainly is a lonely life and been in the company of someone who is going through the same as you being able to support each other although itās 15 months since my husband passes I miss him so much and this is not the life I expected ending up having you take care looking forward to meeting you Wendy
Hiy.a Wendy hopefully I have sent you a message. Hugs jo x x
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Hi Jo received it and replied Wendy
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Definitely think it gets harder, iām coming up to 2 yrs ,at the end of November.
I feel iām getting worst , the loneliness is awful.
I have a good family , lovely granchildren but Iām pushing them away because of my bitterness in having to live this awful existence 
.
I miss my husband so much , he was the one who kept me sane when i.had one of my psychotic moments , baggage from my childhood has left me paronoid , self loathing and now iām taking it out on my family , horrible person that I am .
All of you on here are so brave by putting on a brave face in front of your family. I do the same a lot of the time, but there are times when I just lose it , and am horrible to everyone.
Then I start beating myself up because of my behavour.
When my husband was alive he looked after me , and he often got the raw end of my tongue as well, but he was a marvellous gentle caring man who.loved me so much and now hes gone and i feel i have nobody ,
I have my family but feel I am a burden to them , paranoia again , but like you all say, they have their own lives to lead .
I often say what is the point, no one there to look after you 24/7, to talk you, to laugh with you, to just watch a film together.
Iām not a great mixer , I have a couple of good friends and my sister, but sometimes we clash because our upbringing was the same , only I am more honest than she is about things, but she has issues as well.
She lost her husband nearly 5 yrs ago but seems to be managing ok now although she misses him a lot still .
I am on antidepressants 100mgs, dont think they are really helping , so need to go back to the drs again , have also found out i have high cholesterol but cannot take the medication as it makes me so ill I already suffer from IBS. The dr tried me on a different one but it doesnt make any difference , it still upsets my stomach .
I live in a village and dont drive its not easy making an appointment with the dr and then catching a bus to fit in with that appointment.
Everything just seems to be working against me at the moment .
All people say to me is you have to keep fighting , most of them have no idea what its like to live this awful, lonely existence without our loved ones 
.
Love to you all on here
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Hi Carly itās 15 and half months since I lost my husband I agree with everything you say it is an awful existence without your loved one and when I got passed the 1st anniversary of his passing I felt it was getting worse and not better I still cry everyday but not to the extent I did but the loneliness I canāt cope with, I do go out in company although I still feel apart of me is missing but its when you get back to your lonely house so Carly I do understand everything your going through please take care
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Hi Jenny,
I am 11 years in. Still visit the cemetery a couple of times a month and still celebrate birthdays and other anniversaries. For me, the 2 year mark was the most difficult because, I think, like you, itās the realisation that our partner is not coming back and we are on our own, potentially, for the rest of our life.
After 2 years I took myself off on a holiday, and at the time, it wasnāt the best idea that I had had. I was so upset most of the time because of course, holidays usually meant two of us. I had downloaded a few albums to listen to and one album was Dido. I had purchased the album years earlier and I swear that there was one track on that album that I had never heard in all the years that I played the album. It was called See the Sun. I played it over and over again. It was about the loss of a partner and the lyrics just struck me. The lyrics acknowledged that after a loss, we donāt want to get up, go out or see anyone, but that we need to do just that, no matter how we are feeling. She promised that it we do all that, we would see the sun again. She made the point that if we loved our partner, then we should be thankful that we knew her at all. It was this song that caused be to reassess my new life and instead of falling apart on anniversaries, I started to use them to celebrate the time we had together. So I canāt say that it was even close to a nice holiday, but it did put me on the path of accepting my life and rebuilding a new one.
I joined a walking group and dusted off a cycle I hadnāt used for ten years!
Those friends who didnāt quite get it, I let go, why keep them if they donāt make you feel happy?
I do now holiday regularly, mostly with a group of supportive widows and widowers called embark2. We have all experienced the loss of our loved one, some, years ago and often some only a few months earlier, but above all, I am on holiday with people who just get it.
Take things at your own pace and in your own time, accept help from friends when offered and if you are not feeling too good and turn down the offer, do let them know that you would appreciate them asking again.
Take care.
John
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Carly your life just seems to echo mine Its nigh on 2 year since I lost my hubby and it just seems worse plus I was the same had childhood issues and he was my rock with this there every time even through my bad night terrors he would hold me and tell me everything is alright but like you I have sisters whom went through the same but just do not acknowledge it as the say āThat is in the pastā I get very angry at times feeling like I am constantly on the outside looking in and I was at my younger sisters housewarming last week got a bit tearful as looking around all I could see was couples thinking of hubby and how if he had been with me would been the life and soul of the party then something was said by another person which my younger sister took offence to and ended up with her basically saying this is my house my housewarming and you gotta realise he has gone Steven is gone I was gutted and left then even when she sent a pathetic apology as it was all about her still went on at the end to say basically it has been nearly 2 year and you have to get it that life goes on so no wonder sometimes we have all these different emotions towards others am just hoping in what way I do not know but it will get easier hanging onto that wish and hope it will for you also take care xx
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Aw ā¦ how mean of her to say that to u ? Its very hard isnāt it ? People just dont understand unless they been through it. Im 20 months into it and i just been crying in the car cos so wish he was sat next to me like he always was - its so lonely and nobody to protect us now xx
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