8 deaths in 6 months

It staryed woth my grandma, she was like a mother to me. My mum was not about.
2nd my longest friend of 30 years just didnt wake up one day. She was only 40 years old. We had not spoken in a few months over a falling out.
My partner of 20 years, cared for her
( 3rd ) mother and nursed her for 4 months . She watched her die in one of the worst ways possible she had cancer of the brain. She had beat bowl xancer. She was at her appointment getting the result when they asked do you want the good news 1st or the bad. Good she replied…
Your all clear of bowl cancer BUT youve bain cancer and you wont live over 2 months. Yet she did she battled on and doubled her time left by 4 m9nths.
(4th )hen she lost her crazy longest friend of 18 years. She was taken suddenly and was only 42 years old. She left 3 beautifull kids behind ageing from 7 to 16.
(5th) A close friend loses her father ( who was also a close friend )
( 6th & 7th ) 2 more family member loss there sons in the space of 6 weeks.
( 8th ) was the final straw . I lost my dad he went into hospital for a check up on a friday late afternoon, that was all. A check up, he was a safe place or the best some may say. Whilst in a room on the bed. He fell into a coma and his heart stopped beat8ng at 06.31hrs monday mornng the 14 may 2019.
I can not accept whats happened. I cant 7nderstand why god would be so cruel. Why so much death so much pain young kids burying there mothers. Mothers burying the kids. Ive so much r3spect for my partner. She cared for her mother and she did her proud. I cant begin to 8mag8ne how hard this must of been for her to watch and ive told her so. Now i find my self green with envy . Wishing for 5 more waking minutes with my dad. Even it it meant losing him all iver again. Ii yave 6 siblings . Im the only girl . The bond with my dad was on another level. I failed him when he lay 8n that bed asleep. I could NOT grasp what was happening. I left alot of the arrangements to my brothers because i could not face the reality. Boy how i do regret. Christmas is coming in 2 weeks and its the 1st time in my life my dad wont be here. I have grieved and grieved.
Here’s was me think8ng im doing ok.
Lucky me i have lots of angels.
I cant do this for much longer

I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost so many people, including your dad. You really have had a terrible 6 months with an overwhelming amount of loss to deal with.

Guilt is a very common part of grief, but please try not to beat yourself up about not grasping the reality of what was happening - it sounds as though it was very sudden and you may well have been in shock. It’s important to try to be kind to yourself, to allow yourself lots of time and space to grieve and to find places to talk and let your emotions out - whether that’s with your partner, with friends, or by writing things down here on this site.

This is a safe place to let things out - our users have all lost someone and will understand some of what you are going through. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may be interested to read and reply to these conversations between others who have suffered multiple bereavements:

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Oh my word what an awful lot you’ve had to deal with. I am so sorry that you’ve had such a difficult times with multiple lossess

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I want to add how sorry I am to read about all the loss you’ve had to endure this year. Obviously nothing I can say will make you feel better but there are an awful lot of supportive people who will really want to support you and listen to whatever you want to say. Guilt is one of the worst emotions and one of the most common. Not grasping reality at the most stressful of times I think is what you’ll hear from others and nothing to punish yourself for. Please spend some time here and get it all off your chest. Look after yourself.

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I am so very sorry Babz, I wish I could offer words of comfort to you. One thing for sure, you are in the best place to get the compassion which you deserve.

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