Oh David I have started to cry already this morning just looking at my darlings photo is enough to set me off.I am so lonely ,I get a good friend next door to come in and he is marvellous such a good friend.Caring and kind. Without my friends I would be in a very dark place.I have even thought of ending it .My life now is at a standstill ,she is in my head all the time now more than ever I will never get over this loss.I feel as though I have had my life now so who cares what happens now.I am so unhappy so sad so miserable.As we begin another day I am not sure what to do.Too horrible to go out so stay in watch tv all day. Michael x
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Morning Michael
The pain does feel endless at times. I am further in to this journey then you, having lost Martin back in March.
From my experience all I can say is things do start to feel slightly different as time passes.
Not great but maybe more manageable.
I’m sitting in bed as I write this post. Radio 2 seems to be constantly playing Christmas songs.
I absolutely loved Christmas, now I feel indifferent and although that isn’t a great way to feel it does feel better then the intense pain from previous.
I hope you manage to navigate today in some way.
Take care
Dee xxx
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Morning Dee, thank you for the post,yes the pain is endless,I have just been watching a program about Frank Sinatra and looking back to my darling wifes funeral there are so many of his songs I could have chosen to play for her like," I’ve got you under my skin " and “The shadow of your smile” and many more ,I adored that woman with every fibre of my being.I cannot get over losing her,my life is so miserable now without her,I am so lonely and unhappy,I constantly look at her photos and it makes mr cry so much,this lady has me under her skin. Much love Michael x
Michael I can’t look at pictures of Peter it is too raw I am the unhappiest I have ever been in my life, what can we do Michael to make it go away, it’s torture every day I can’t see any way out of this , David
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Hiya Michael the pain is bad 1year for my my john died waiting for phone call of doctor I’m anxious all time and sick of people saying cheer up I have a wonderful family and fantastic friends but they don’t understand but I don’t want to spoil Xmas for everybody lv annie x x
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I do not know Peter,I am suffering everyday now,losing Judith has knocked me for six,I just drift from day to day,I am sounhappy with this life,holds nothing for me now,this long dark cold wet winter is going to be a big challenge.Stuck indoors day after day,early to bed ,what an exciting life we lead now.I cannot stand to be alone,it scares me so much to think I will never see her again.I just want to be with her again.Michael x
I feel exactly the same about Peter my life without him is worthless no point in anything I hate the cold winter days and I hate my life, I’m grieving all day it’s relentless Michael it just wears me down,regards David
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This is getting worse for me,my grief is getting the better of me,I am crying for her more and more these days,missing her has taken over my life now,I cannot continue like this for much longer,I am reliant on a few friends to rescue me when the real panic comes,being alone is very scary ,my family do not realise how bad it is for me,why they think I am coping is beyond me.They never visit me rarely call me,it is always me who has to make the call first.I truly would not be that upset if I did not wake up one morning in order to end this total misery.I am so unhappy with my lot at the moment and cannot see it getting any better anytime soon.My garden is covered in leaves ,I have 8 oak trees surrounding my garden ,it is an endless task.I hate this new life ,I do not want this new life,if there was one pill you could take to end this I would take it.I am 76 and had a reasonable life but now alone I am scared of the future .Xmas will be horrendous without Judith by my side,Iwill be glad when it is over.I will be glad when it is all over to be frank, Michael x
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Oh Michael I’m so sorry you are in a bad place at the moment but like me, it just isn’t worth getting up in a morning to have a day of grief and heartache, David
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your husband so suddenly is awful, so devastating. I can relate to everything you wrote. My husband died nearly 5 weeks ago. He was fine, then in hospital 3 weeks, then gone. I can’t take it in. He was 51. I never thought this would happen. He was so young. We have 3 children (9, 11 and 13 years old). I can’t believe they don’t have a dad any more. How can I be a widow aged 44? I thought he’d grow old with me and our kids would grow up and have theur own families and we’d be grandparents together. None of this makes sense. I ache and yearn for my husband, just to talk to him, to know he’s there, that we’re a team and i’m not on my own. I just can’t believe he’s gone. It’s so so awful, like a terrible dream that you can’t wake up from. I can relate to your pain. It’s the most awful pain and sadness. Nothing can prepare you for it. All the grief articles and stories say we’ll never forget our husbands, always love and miss them, but it won’t always be this painful or sad. I can’t imagine these empty, sad, awful feelings going away. I just want him back. I just want one more hug (the biggest, tightest squeeze), one more kiss, one more look into his eyes, for us to talk and exchange important words that we need to say to each other that i can hang onto and never forget, to say goodbye to him, we never even got the chance to say goodbye. 
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Dear Beccie
I am so sorry. Reading what is happening to you and your family just breaks my already broken heart. Take care.
Sheila
Thank you Sheila for thinking of me. You take care too xx
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Becci so sorry for your loss you can’t accept what’s happened when it’s sudden, Me and Peter we’re together 39 years and inseparable he went into hospital in June and told he had four weeks to live he had stomach cancer he never knew he had it till they told him and he died four weeks later, I’m devastated and heartbroken I just can’t accept he’s gone, regards David
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Oh Dreamliner I am so sorry to hear this. You must be absolutely devastated. So sudden and unexpected. I am thinking of you x x
Beccie my heart breaks for you. My husband died suddenly and there are so many things I wish I could have told him. As he lay dying on our bedroom floor all I promised was that I wouldn’t let the grandchildren forget him and we would always love him. In those few minutes as his life ebbed away how could say all the things I wanted to. 44 years of marriage was so precious and our love for each other was beyond words. I love and miss him more each day. I am so grateful for our time together and I’ll love him forever. My family and friends support has been immeasurable and without them I would have crumbled. I am trying to hold it together for Christmas it’s the least I can do in return.
Bless you Beccie we’re all in this together.
Georgina
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@Beccie sadly I too totally relate to what you are thinking/feeling. It is 14weeks tonight that my 51yr old tragically/unexpected died on the landing outside our bedroom. Its been both the longest, painful 14wks of my life. We have 2 daughters 23 and 14… Im still in shock and dont know what the future holds…
I long for his touch, smell, laughter, conversation all the things Im sure we all desire.
I hate wednesday nights/THursday mornings- havent slept in 14wks… lost nearly 2 stone in weight and generally feel still rather zombie like.
However, somewhere deep down I keep taking day by day, I know thats what my hubby would want me to do. So I do it for him- some days are easier, some days I cant do it. Today I find myself walking through our village in the pouring rain/wind with our dog- thinking/crying. Dog wasnt happy !
I am learning to take at the moment hour by hour, day by day- I do find this difficult as Im normally rather organised and a planner ! But its all I can manage.
I look at his photo numerous times a day and cry, and kiss it. some times I curse hi,. but thats the anger of grief.
I wish he would walk back in the house- but its not happening, so I learn to take step by step…
I have had thoughts of not wanting to be here- but I would not put our girls through anymore pain- and I know rationally that is silly- but the pain is so intense some times.
The future scares me, loneliness is so bleak- cold, dark winter nights are awful. and Ive never known days to go SO slow… I find this testing too…
But, I cant change the tragic event- nor can any of us- we have to dig deep and find our own resilience, I may sound strong typing this- but it is through teary eyes… I have to constantly say it to myself to start to believe that I can go on
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Beccie,so sorry for your loss,its heartbreaking grief is so very painful,my husband passed away 10weeks ago,he was fine then collapsed suddenly,had to have surgery,ended up in critic
al care for 4weeks on life support it was such a shock,my 2 children are adults with families of there own
You and your children are so young,hope you have family and friends to help you
Look after yourself
Christine x
Same here,9 weeks since my wife died, just can’t cope,think,… nothing I can say but take care 
Thank you everyone for your very kind replies. It does help in some small way knowing there’s other people out there who know what I’m going through. I so wish none of us had to go through it.
It’s such a horrible, sad and daunting feeling being incredibly lonely and being on my own as a single parent, with all the responsibility for the children/house/dog/bills/work etc being on my shoulders alone. But i think one of the things that scares me the most is that I keep getting thoughts “what if something happened to me?” What about my poor children? Who would look after my children? How would they cope losing a mum and a dad? My heart breaks just thinking about it. Usually I wouldn’t think like this, but death (especially sudden and unexpected death) has a way of making you think about your own death. Any little ache or pain i get, I keep thinking “what if?”. It’s such a horrible thought. I know I need to write a will, just in case.
Sending love and compassion to you all for what you’re going through. We’ve got to try to keep going, one moment at a time, it’s what our loved ones would want for us.
Take care of yourselves
Beccie xx
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Hi Beccie
I lost my husband on the 12th of August, very suddenly, he had not been ill, one minute he was here within and hour he was gone, no matter how much I begged, shouted, prayed or bargained he is gone, he was 48. I just turned 49 last month on what should have been our 20th wedding anniversary. And all those thought you have I understand. The responsibility of being the only parent, is immense I worry so much that I am making mistakes and constantly second guess myself as I have no one to share my worries with. I feel so sad that my kids don’t have their Dad and worry how I’ll help my son become a man, how do I teach him to shave and all that sort of stuff, and yes if something happens to me what will become of them? But I have to push those thoughts away and be the best parent I can be, for both of us and for them, because I realise now that you can’t control some things. I miss my husband so much, but most of all I miss my best friend, my partner, my coparent, my confidante.
This place is so supportive keep posting and we are here for you x
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