Thx been sitting downstairs since 3am staring at the wall my eyes are sore my heads pounding l am staring at my wife’s urn bawling the only thing that keeps me going is my daughter l must be strong for her & her family l am her dad but feel as though l am putting to much pressure on her as she keeps telling me l must eat & get out more l try & have a couple of good days a week then fall back into my old self …… l know l cannot survive on tins of rice pudding but l am slowly loosing the energy to even have a simple shower
Thank you for listening 
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Don’t be hard on yourself, of course you’re going to be like that, you’ve been through a trauma , something you’ve never had to cope with before. Losing your partner is a loss like no other, your whole world is torn apart and only people who’ve been through it can understand. You’re doing really well -apart from the rice pudding!!- if you’re functioning at all it’s an achievement . Lovely news about your daughter but so sad for you both as well. My daughter had a baby earlier this year and my heart ached for Malc not being able to be here or even know about him. But we have to live through all those sad/ happy times , birthdays, anniversaries etc and the first one is definitely the worst. You’re doing really well, it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed, just kept myself clean but didn’t care about the house or the garden. This site was a life saver for me, there’s usually someone awake at silly o’clock when you’re not able to sleep and everything feels a million times worse in the night. Get yourself to M and S and buy some ready meals, you can’t live on rice pudding!Take care and try to focus on what you still have, not the enormity of what you’ve lost. Easy to say and hard to do, I know.x
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And Gary, hope you’re managing to keep going. The pain does dull, I promise you, somehow we find we are slotting into a different way of living. Not what we want, but not the grief filled terribleness either. I think what I’m trying to say is it does become manageable , it creeps up over time . Somebody said to me very early on “you just have to live a new life” and I just said I didn’t want a new life, couldn’t imagine it, and also felt pretty angry with her. But that’s what starts to happen , you find yourself adapting and eventually re-emerging into the sun. Look after yourselfx
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Thank you . I’m trying my best to look forward not back. Coming on this site helps. I’ve not had a good night, it’s hard to stop thinking when your sit their alone. It’s so overwhelming. I think I just need to go with the flow and hopefully come out the other side with a better future.
Take care
Gary x
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Hi Lotr. I’m sorry for your loss. I feel for you. You must feel terrible. I’ve had all the same feelings. Just take small steps one day at a time. bjanes messages to you are good advice. Keep coming on this site, we’re all friends in the same position and know how you feel. We can all help each other move forward at this awful time.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
Gary
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I cannot say l am trying but l see my wife laying in the hospital bed every day every night cannot get that image out of my head just want to lay with her then things will be ok 
Your not on your own. I cared for my wife 24/7 and I can’t stop thinking about the bad times especially the last month, it makes me weep. I try looking at photos and videos of her and the 38 years of happy times and that makes me weep as well, when I realise the enormity of what I’ve lost.
Keep messaging and don’t bottle it up.
Gary
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Dear Lotr
Please keep going. Our kids really do need us, especially at this time. As I have mentioned previously our second grandson was born after my husband died - so bittersweet. Our son wanted to name his son after my husband but it was just too painful but he has included this as a middle name. There is one particular picture of our son with his newborn in the hospital and it is so sad to view, he desperately wanted his dad to be there. When he brought our little man home we both just cried. I could not be the cause of anymore pain for our son nor our daughter who is facing her first birthday tomorrow without her dad.
Please just keep posting.
Your right. It’s my children and grandchildren that keep me going. I couldn’t put them through the pain I’m going through.
Take care
Gary x
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Thankyou bjane. Its is good to know that it does get easier. I am finding that happening slowly. Again thankyou.
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I think it depends on your own situation we didn’t have kids/grandkids .
I know I will never feel any different he was my world and it’s been shattered into a million pieces so any new kind of life will not be for me .
Take care all of you
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This is to all of us on here. I am in the 5 month of being alone. And hearing all you struggles and bravery does help. I think I am starting to come through the other side, but I have not had any major anniversaries yet. We got married 4 days before Tom left, and his birthday was 2 months before, so those days will be hard next year. But I am starting to have some good days. I still hate going out shopping etc. But it has to be done.
It will get better for all of us, all I can say to you all, Gary, Lotr, bjane, and everyone else, is keep going for your family, and especially yourself. Do things in your own time, and when and how you want to do them. And cry if and when you want. We will all still have bad days, it is all part of grief. Good luck to all of us, and please all keep writing on here. Xxxxxx
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You are so right nenny, I’m up and down but these last few days I feel like I’m going mad. I’m trying my best to concentrate on good things and keep busy, but then the thoughts of what’s the point come in. I’ve got a lovely family like the rest of us have but they are so busy working, and they are going away for a week and I’m consumed by missing them so much . My head is spinning with worrying all the time. I’m so glad we can talk about our feelings on here and know other people are in the same zone. Thankyou for listening. Love to all on here xx
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We’re all very lucky in the fact we have found people in the same pain at different stages of their grief too, it really is a horrible community to be a part of as we’re only here because we’ve lost people we loved but I’d rather have a community like this then not.
My heart goes out to everyone that has had to wake up alone, that their soul mates have been taken before there time. May some day our fragile hearts begin to heal it will never be whole again but just maybe it can heal enough to let someone else in someday. 
To you all x
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I never dreamed I’d be in a website like this I was so happy . Luckily I found this by accident one day so it was a lucky find
Hugs to everyone
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I can’t believe how quickly grief can change from one day to the next. Yesterday I felt as if things were slightly improved and I had a few hours where I felt positive and could handle the future and get through the bad times. Today I’ve gone back to feeling totally lost and feel worse now than when Dianne passed away in April. I can’t see any way forward.
The only positive is coming on this site. So thanks to everyone for keeping in touch through the site.
Keep posting. And good luck to you all.
Gary
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I feel exactly the same 
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Me too, the bad days just come out of the blue and it feels like you’re making no progress, just sliding backwards again. And that can be so depressing, in top of everything else we’re coping.with. But there is no pattern to it and I think we’re trying to look at it logically when of course it’s anything but. These days do pass and life can feel a bit better again , quite unexpectedly. Try to ride the wave if you can. I used to have to remind myself that the worst has happened so nothing will be quite that bad again and will have to start getting better at some point. Take care x
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Sorry guys not been in a good way today but thinking of you all as were all in the same boat like it or not but at this present time l wish it was not me grieving but my wife l know that’s being selfish but that’s how l feel. 
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Hopefully tomorrow will be just that little bit better. I have not felt too good today either. But we have to believe that it improve. It’s just one day to get through. Please dont stop posting on here, we are all helping each other , I hope. Thinking of you all. Xxx