Hi Gary
I saw a Counsellor and like you thought it wouldn’t help, I think it did, it was good to be able to say your thoughts out loud, without anyone else around. Give it a try Gary. Nothing to lose.
I try to stay strong for my daughters , but it’s so very hard. They have busy lives, and I want them to live their lives. Not always worrying about me.
I miss Tony so so much. I nursed him for several years and watched as he grew worse, it was heartbreaking. The only comfort I get is that he is free of pain and his suffering is over. For us our suffering continues, you feel lost, scared and as if you will never smile again.
It’s 18 months for me now, but feels like yesterday. I’m trying to keep busy, get out a bit now , Covid hasn’t helped.
Now I can get through a day without sobbing, it does get a little bit easier to bear. The life we knew is taken from us, all we want is it back.
Keep going and do whatever feels right for you.
Thinking of you
Christinax
I’m exactly the same up and down all the time. Thank goodness for being able to talk to people that’s going through the same, so glad I found this site. Love to you all and let’s hope tomorrow will be a better day for us xx
Thanks to you all. Decided earlier to go for a walk to take my mind off things, really warm, t shirt shorts and sunglasses. Got 2 miles from home and we had a tropical storm. Soaked through to the skin. I don’t know wether to laugh or cry. I might as well laugh as I’ll be crying again later.
Oh Gary that is a bit comic! Shouldn’t really be laughing but there’s such a fine line between that and crying, so might as well take advantage. Hope everyone has some kind of a decent night’s sleep tonight. Thinking of you all x
Been out for my normal evening walk trying to clear my mind of all the desperate and negative thoughts. No rain tonight. Hated every minute. Couples and families in pub gardens laughing and joking. Unbearable to watch couples holding hands out for an evening stroll. That should be me and my wife Dianne. I can’t see anyway forward at the moment. Sat here on my own again crying and desperately unhappy.
Dear Gary123
I’m so sorry for you I know what you mean it’s unbearable when you see other couples together doing what we should be doing instead ours have been ripped away from us this world is so cruel
Stick with it Gary, Dianne wouldnt want you to be like this, none of our loved ones would want us to be how we are. I feel proud of myself tonight, and I know Tom would be pleased, that I put up 4 solar security lights in our huge back garden today. They only had one screw each in the fence but I did it without having to ask someone. It gave me a sense of a achievement even though it was something little. Is there something you can do that would please Dianne. Just any little thing, and it might help you like it helped me. Please carry on talking to us. Remember you are not alone. Xx
Thanks for your kind messages. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I agree that posting and reading messages on here helps me. I know I’m not on my own.
Take care x
Hi Gary, fully understand, seeng other couples hurts so deeply. A feeling we’ve been robbed of the life we had.
Just walking, holding hands, being together, alone it leaves a massive hole.
Keep going, it’s a rollercoaster, just when you think you’ve had a better few hours, it’s like being at the top and now we come crashing down.
All of us on here know that feeling, , it’s unhappiness like no other.
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you,
Gary, I was just like you , having those exact same thoughts and hating every couple I saw. I still get a lump in my throat sometimes but now don’t get distressed in the same way .They say time’s a great healer and I never believed it but that does seem to happen in a gradual way that you don’t notice…
Gary i know that feeling when I see couples out laughing together and having fun. I still feel deep pain and wish peter was here and we would be going out for a pub lunch it is 15months now since he died from covid pneumonia and I am doing better and was pleased with myself yesterday at having done the garden but this morning feeling sad again and missing him so much. Take care this site is a great help to everyone.
Morning all Gary Just keep going m8 l feel exactly the same now sandie has gone & was so close to taking my own life but then thoughts came flooding through my head of my daughter angry weeping & alone just how l feel just as we all feel.
I am slowly starting to sleep a little & eat more yes l see couples out walking hand in hand or arguing or laughing all the things we all miss but l am sure over weeks months years we will overcome the dreadful sadness and lead some sort of life.
Don’t forget our loved ones are always in our hearts & try to think what they would do if the rolls were reversed! Life is short make the most of what’s left it’s only here once
Having a rough weekend cant seem to concentrate on anything only sadness. Really missing my husband. Stomach churning, and heavy feeling in my chest. I’ve had that to Gary when you see couples out walking holding hands, it’s so hard to watch. We have to stay strong but it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Love to everyone xx
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Thanks everyone for all your messages. I will try to keep more positive but I’m not finding it easy.
Thinking of my daughters and grandchildren keep me going. I wouldn’t want them to go through what I’m going through.
Morning Anne l know just how you feel the only thing keeping me going is treating myself to gadgets & things for the garden & l know l cannot keep spending and need to get back to work but cannot face travelling into London listening to all the commuters talking of there everyday lives & what they did over the weekend with there partners.
Maybe in another month l may be ready been off since end of may l am self employed so no one can tell me when to come back still l will eventually, chin up keep smiling & think of all the good times you both shared together
Tony x
I’m doing exactly the same, bought all sorts for the garden, lights etc. It looks like Blackpool illuminations! I’m retired so there is no pressure on me for work, but I’ll have to watch my spending. I keep saying to myself one day at a time, but it doesn’t always work. I have a lovely neighbour but they are going on holiday tomorrow and I shall miss them really bad, it’s just great to go out in the garden and one of them is always there to chat to. You take all the time if you can, lots of love xx
Hi Anne, I have a question if I may I don’t know how much you know about gardening, how things grow etc but first I have to tell the story…
So my wife absolutely loved her gardening it meant the world to her and her favorite was her peach flowered rose bush in the centre, which she bought when her brother passed… For 14 years it has produced peach flowers and it’s not massive so it would literally produce 14/20 roses a few more if she dead headed and more grew back…
She passed away in March and although I have no interest in gardening I’m doing it because she loved it and I love her… This year her rose bush gave for the first time pure white roses and I literally stopped counting how many after I reached 100 it looked absolutely crazy, eventually they all started to die I dead headed them like she always did and they grew back peach like they always did.
Ive asked people no-one seems to know why figured I’d try you seeing as you’re into gardening… For me I read into that it was her showing me she’s a peace and I should just stay with that and not look for real answers but I never listen to my own advice
So any ideas? x
Hi lost in Limbo
I’d stick with it meaning she was at peace and not look any further. It’s a lovely thought to have.
My wife loved the garden as well. She was always pottering and planting. She made our garden look beautiful. I couldn’t bear to move from here because of the garden alone.
I’m clueless in the garden so I’ve employed a local gardener to come once a fortnight, I’d hate to ruin it.
I’ve got a feeling she will be looking down and checking. I’d love her to send me a sign.
