Hi Carole2, it’s been 12 months on Saturday since my husband died, and like you thought I was coping fairly well and then xmas came, and I went down hill again, even though my family were with me, and they couldn’t do enough for me it was hard.
All we can do is carry on and hope one day it will get easier.
Love to you and take care x
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Gary. Like you I’ve pictures of June about the place. I lost June 4 years ago to cancer. Like you it was always seemed to be one step forward then 2 back. Thing is you never really get over your lose you just kind of “adapt” but in all honesty there are times where it hits you and can end up back at square one. It was like a wee while ago was thinking about the time and I went to her last concert. It suddenly hit me (hadn’t thought about it before) was June sitting there thinking “this will be the last time I see them” It hit me soo hard that kept going through my mind. Came on here and was talking to Maigret who last her husband this time last year, and she kind of put my mind at ease but it was a pretty bad time. What trying to say is even though you feel a bit better there can just be something out of the blue that throws a curve ball. Times like that it’s good t come on here and get it out, somebody will always say the right thing.
Take care
Ken
Hiya Anne Xmas was a bad time glad when it was over not the same without john he passed away 11th November 2020 so nothing ever going to be the same lv annie x
Thanks Ken
I’ve not been on this site for a while until this week. It’s been a big help seeing other people’s messages and knowing I’m not on my own. I didn’t expect to be set back this far. I suppose having her birthday, Christmas and new year it was inevitable. This time I’ve focused on a couple of things I’ve not thought about before and it’s like I’m torturing myself over thinking about them.
I’ve been for a walk today to get fresh air and one minute I’m ok the next I was in tears.
I don’t want to forget about her but I thought after 8 months I would start to accept the reality and come to terms with the loss. I still find it hard to accept she’s not coming back.
Take care
Gary
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Gary, believe me you’ll not forget her. As I said it’s 4 years for me and not a day doesn’t go by without me thinking of June. As you said it’s a bad time with birthday, Christmas and New Year. It does get a bit easier I suppose it becomes our “normal”. I’ve found I’m talking to June more just silly wee things and over the last few months she has come into my dreams, where just after she died that never happened. It’s just very normal things, like she’ll be making breakfast or we’ll be out shopping all very normal situations.
The problem with the grieving process is there is no hard and fast rule about where you should be in the process. We’re all different and just need to take our own time to get to where ever “It” is. The thing is the 1st year I found was the hardest, Her birthday, my birthday, Christmas, New Year and going to certain gigs that we would have gone together. Though I know she is there as have some of her ashes in a wee hollow cross round my neck. Have about 3 of these, cross, bullet and heart just means she is always with me in a small way.
Ken
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Ken
I think your right , last week was 2 years since my darling Tony died. The first year and lockdown were devastating, the first of everything do make it even more painful.
I found Christmas, the his anniversary, hard this year but I’m slowly coping better, I think I am , at least.
I talk to him , as if he can hear me , and know he wanted me to live my life. It is now my life, , and will never be the same, being one half of a couple doesn’t suit me, I’ve great daughters, son in laws and grandchildren and lots of good friends, but none of this helps the loneliness. I can go out a d have a pleasant time, but as soon as I put my key in our lock, it floods back, I’m on my own. It feels scary, and far from normal, only time may ease these feelings. I want to make my life worthwhile as Tony wanted me to.
It’s good to talk on here, only those who have been through this devastating loss can understand how hard it is.
I wish you well Ken
Christina
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Totally agree. Although family and friends can be there for you it’s just not the same. They can’t understand which is obvious. At least on this forum we are talking to those that have been through it.
Ken
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I still have my husband’s dressing gown hanging on our bedroom door where it has always been , I just can’t move it and sometimes I wear it , it still smells of him after the 10 months since he passed away , I miss him so much
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I know how you feel. I have a cuddle cushion made out of my husbands favourite shirt. I put his aftershave on it so that i can smell him. Its 1 year today and still as hard as the day it happened x
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Same here Christine after john passed my electricity needed sorting and the plumbing and in the storm fence fell down it’s hard john could fix anything know security light not working lv annie x x
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Since my John died a year ago I have had to replace a fence due to storms, microwave and t. v. Probate has only just gone through. I never had to deal with things before he died. Hopefully I have learned to be more independent.
I hope I do as well john sorted everything I’m just panicking most of the time dealing with tradesmen lv annie x
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Me to. Bell broken, toilet seat fallen off, hoover fan belt broken, floor steamer not working and handle just fallen off cupboard door. My husband would of sorted that in a jiffy. Ive tried but am useless. X
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June my wife and constant companion of nearly 44 years died nearly six weeks ago suddenly and unexpectedly sat opposite me at the kitchen table. She was on the phone with a friend. Her head dropped onto her left shoulder. I could not get any response and she stopped breathing. I did my best effort at cpr and she momentarily breathed again only to stop. Despite the efforts of paramedics June was gone. We waited a full month for the Funeral and I carried her into and out of the Church where we were married. Beset by ill health (Multiple Sclerosis and Cancer) June fought them both bravely without complaint. We had no family. It was an undiagnosed problem which led to June’s passing which was quick and appeared pain free.
I miss June every minute I am awake. Coming back to the house is a nightmare as she is not here waiting for me. Every cupboard or drawer there are constant reminders of her. The only respite is when I’m asleep which is induced by medication. I know June would be dead set against me taking them. She was a qualified Nurse for over 34 years. I am scared to take the prescribed antidepressants in case I become reliant on them. I break down constantly. I talk to June’s picture and give her a kiss in the morning and at night. My head is all over the place. I cannot be bothered to go out, clean house or do the things I have had to do for decades. People in the main don’t understand. My only source of understanding it seems is on here where all are in the same position. I have had black thoughts and Pray it will soon come that I am reunited with June.
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Dear Shiney999
I know only too well that there is nothing that I can really say. I too have suffered sudden loss and understand the traumatic wave of grief that this causes. You are only at the start of this journey and the grief will still be very raw and the emotions, particularly those that take us to dark places, will be intense. All you can do is take an hour at a time, do what you can manage to do and if that is nothing other than manage to have something to eat so be it. You have found this site and this is a start, people here really do understand so keep posting or just reading other posts. Surround yourself with trusted friends and don’t be afraid to seek their support.
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Thank you Shiela
I am sorry for your loss too. I feel I have done nothing worthwhile for days. I just want to stay warm and sleep it’s a temporary release. I’m not getting out - no interest. Very difficult…
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Dear Shiney999
I used to have a dog which I also lost suddenly a few years before my husband died and would walk for miles but not now. I am from the North East and did meet up with a friend and walked along Newcastle Quayside yesterday but these occasions are rare. When not visiting the grandsons, I tend to just stay indoors and like yourself sleep when I can.
I was with my husband 42 years, married over 38. March would be our 40th wedding anniversary. I found a quote not long after my husband died which reads: “Recovering from your death will take me a life-time”. I believe this to be the case for me personally. In the meanwhile I see myself as being responsible for ensuring that my husband’s memory is kept alive and that everyone remembers what a kind, good, hardworking and generous man he was.
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Hi, im new here & lost my husband to suicide 5mths ago, im now in my own in house most days my kuds are adults & have their own homes, i do talk to them on regular basis but dont want to be a burden on them, i can be ok one day & a total mess the next lately i have just been constantly in tears & finding it harder as days go on not easier
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I too feel as though life is getting worse instead of better although it’s six months since I lost my husband. I’m extremely anxious when I know I have to go out. I also feel that people think you should be getting better at coping! I don’t have any solutions as to how to make things better. I’m helpless . Joycec
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It’s my partners birthday today. So far I’m being brave. I took smudge for a walk in this horrible rain I now have a doggy doggy. I’m sitting on the bed with a cuppa and I don’t know what to do and how to feel. It’s all so sad x