jan271: I understand your pain. I lost my husband in August. He had Alzheimer’s in the last year and a half for pure hell. We were married for 52 years, together for 57 years. I do find some comfort on this site when I read the stories of others who are going through very similar pain. Yesterday being Christmas and my first Christmas without my beloved husband was miserable. I couldn’t stop crying thinking of all the beautiful Christmases we shared. I reached a point where my pain was so bad I could actually breathe. And now a new day, not doing much better. I keep waiting for the sharp edges of this pain to subside a little bit. i’m beginning to wonder if I will ever heal. So sorry for such a downer of a post, but just trying to get through the day.
Karen
Karen we have to believe through time we will slowly heal…i sometimes thinkbwhat would Robert have been like if it was me.i do believe he would have been heartbroken but carry on living and thats what we must do take care of yourself
Thank you .
I try so hard , as I did this Xmas .
I made Christmas dinner for my wife’s two children , because that’s what she would have done .
I have this aweful feeling that iv lost her somewhere ,and I should go looking for her …even though I know I won’t find her.but she feels so close at times .
I miss holding her hand and seeing her smile so much that it breaks my heart .
I’m not a lonely person , I need that physical contact so much and yet I’m on my own
Xxxxxx
i lost my partner 6 weeks ago and christmas was awful,i cooked dinner for my daughter ,partner and 2 children which was a major effort as Jon did all the cooking.I am so lonely and i never liked to be on my own for too long before this happened
I’m the same. I never liked to be on my own for too long. I’m lucky in the fact that my brother moved in with me which helps. I don’t feel as lonely x
So sorry @Jon731 that you are also suffering this terrible loss.
I’m not surprised you found Christmas so difficult. It’s such an emotional time of year that I suspect it will be a trigger for many of us for many years.
I hope you will find support on here. Sending love xxx
I’m lucky that I don’t mind time on my own. I lived alone for over 10 years before I was married. It doesn’t stop me missing my darling husband and missing him, but it’s him as an individual rather than ‘someone.’ It must be hard for those of you missing both (if that make sense.)
thanyou for your kind words
I too am feeling all that you have expressed; My Beautiful Man passed on July 31 2022 after fighting pancreatic Cancer ; I can’t touch his clothes or his office loneliness is my partner now whilst everyday is a struggle ; I call his name talk and kiss him all the time 42 years have gone by to quick I am just about functioning
Its only been 5 days today since i lost my husband and sat here sobbing trying to write this, im sat here waiting for him to walk through the door and sat as he always did jan fill my hit water bittle and make me half a cup of tea.
so sorry for your loss.Today it is 10 weeks since i lost my partner and every saturday i think of what happened.I cry nearly every night .I hope you have family or friends to help you,it will take some time to come to terms with the loss,be patient and take a step at a time,i know how you are feeling.
This is my first post on here and having spent some time browsing some of the threads, it is obvious to me that we are all on the same sort of journey through grief but on different trains, seats facing different directions etc, but we nonetheless are going the same way. Im only coming up to 9 months in a few weeks but I see aspects of my own situation in so many of the posts here, but that does not make it any easier for me or indeed mean that I can offer anything to help others, other than I do understand what they are going through.
For me I have not been able to move anything in the house that she had sited, nor do I watch the programmes that she and I would watch, I don’t sleep well and my appetite is all over the place, but generally no real interest in it. I keep finding myself thinking of something that I will remember to tell her when she comes back, or I check the door to see if she’s coming, of course none of which will happen. I have accepted that she has died but still cannot fully accept the finality of that, in time I am sure I will but it all really hurts. I’m OK remains my stock answer to all but a few friends and family who really know how I am doing. Like a lo of people who have posted here, too many folk have done their bit with the funeral and condolences and have now moved on. I accept that, our lives must also go on, but just occasionaly it would be good for the odd call to see how we are doing without being prompted. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just need the companionship that I lost when she died…
@JohnR54 i feel your pain and sorry you are having to endure so much loss. As you say life must go on, but it is a hollow life when your soul mate is no longer at ourside. I have reach the stage on this journey where it is the loneliness which rips my guts out. Especially seeings ither couples just is a constant teminder i am a widower. I too am at a stage were i say i am ok. Think the hards thing to live with is i still have all this love to give but she us no longer here to recieve it, this cracks me up. Keep strong my friend.
Hi @JohnR54
So sorry you are on the train with us. Similar timing to me as it’s nine months since I lost my darling husband so suddenly.
It is still so hard in many ways but I do have days when my grief is less intrusive into trying to live. I didn’t choose this life, it was thrust upon me like all of us here, but I will still choose to live on in the best way I can. I am determined to do Richard proud and look after what he created and cared for. I believe he is watching over what I do and he inspires me to do my best. That doesn’t mean I don’t still cry often and grieve for him every day but I also try to be grateful for what we had and what my daughters and I were spared. Also, I’m grateful that Richard didn’t come back to being debilitated, as he would have hated that.
I believe I have two ways of looking at what has happened. It’s either looking at all the negatives, of which there are plenty, or looking for the positives. I am a glass half full sort of person so I try so see the positives. I had the most wonderful husband for almost 29 years and time together before that. We had the sort of love some people never experience. We had some lovely moments during the weeks before his death. He was happy with his life right up to the end; it was all going well. I am also lucky that I have a faith which makes me know that we will be reunited some day and that will be for ever. In the meantime I have a lot I need to do to help his daughters grow and be happy in their lives.
I hope others may look for and find the things to be grateful for and that this may help in some small way.
Love to all xxx
Allen2, thanks for that, you know I never really understood the term soulmate until I lost her and then I felt a huge chunk being ripped from my heart and soul. Then I got it! You know everything that you wrote there could well have been me writing it! I’m with you mate, stay strong here for a chat anytime!
@KarenF , thank you for your thoughts, we all have a similar story but with differing details and what I am taking from this is that our future lives will be much the same too. Heidi and I had discussed the future often, even moreso once she had been diagnosed a couple of years back and we could see where things were going, but though we did, they were often unfinished conversations that we would square away at a later date. Unfortunately that date was denied us too. However the spirit and intent were always clear, no living on in a vegetative state and the survivor had to live on in as good a way as possible to look after the ‘kids’ (2 girls 40 & 38) and grandkids (2 girls 6, 4 & boy 1). Now i’m trying to do that and in these early days its hard to stay stiff upper lipped about things but I also have to be pragmatic about the situation, but that does not mean my love for her has in any way diminished quite the opposite in fact and I am grateful every day for the time we did have together, 3 months short of 43 years!
Thanks for listening because that is what I need!
Well, yesterday was my birthday, my first without my beloved husband. He always made my birthday so special. The last few years he struggled so because of his Alzheimer’s. Such a beautiful intelligent, loving mind destroyed. I agonize so with how he struggled and suffered with this dreadful disease. It has been 6 mos,
.and I suffer emotionally everyday. I just wish the sharp edges of this pain would subside just a bit.
Peace and love, Karen
@Karetired its pointless to wish you a happy birthday but I hope it was ok! Probably as you’ve mentioned lots of good birthday memories to cherish and carry you forward through this year of ‘Firsts’ I’ve got a couple more to go then the big one the anniversary of Heidi’s death! No point in sugar coating that word it’s what it was and I dread the day arriving. But in a way I’ve got to get through it and get on with our life but doing it solo! I hope that you find the strength to do likewise. Stay strong and cherish the memories 
Thank you John. I struggle navigating Life without my Patrick.
Peace and love, Karen
@Karetired thank you for that we are all in this together and whilst I am rather overwhelmed by the sheer amount of grief exhibited on this site, I am grateful for the messages of support and offer my own to you in return. What strikes me is the fact that this is a global issue and like it or not it’s going to affect us all in due course. Some people will deny that and do their own thing anyway, but for those of us for whom our relationships were strong we’ll have to face the grief and deal with it. A friend told me that grief was the price of love, a high price indeed but I’m glad to have known Heidi as I did and although I’d rather not pay that price I know that one of us would have to and I will do so to save her that trauma. Stay safe x