I lost my husband, Mark in April, which was a huge shock… It does get easier with time… I find that it helps to get out of the house every day, perhaps I go for a walk or get lunch with friends, etc; I know that my husband would not want me to suffer and I’m sure your spouse wants you to heal from your loss… I am so glad you are getting comfort from your dog…
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I am finding I have no confidence again to get out the house because I thought I was doing well now I caught COVID and have no energy
How do you drag yourself around when as soon as you do just catch something and back to square one.
Nobody wants to catch it off me and to be honest I feel embarrassed having to wear a mask again
Likely some one will think I am being negative which is true.
Yesterday I only went out to the rec first time for five days out but it was cold so came back after half an hour short walk
Now today just feel tired although I had hoped to go to the national trust 8 miles away before it gets dark but confidence is too low. When my husband was alive I felt safer but this fear now
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I lost my husband mid September and like you, and many others, I found planning the funeral so difficult. My children were a huge help but I insisted on one of the songs as it was his favourite classical piece. I wanted to read a poem “He is gone” and practiced it to the dog, each time bursting into tears half way through. However on the day of the funeral, I found an inner strength and managed to stand next to his coffin and read the poem through to the end. Yes a tear or two but the congregation were all our family and friends who loved him so. I even managed to read a eulogy for Philip, feeling his presence at my side. Since then each day is taken as it comes. Sometimes I do nothing, other days a few bits. Everything will sort itself in time, there’s no rush. Lean on your friends and family, who will help in ways I couldn’t imagine before.
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Thanks janheckey. Yes the dog gets me out of the house. I’ve also joined my husband’s carpet bowls group in the village and enjoy their company each Friday morning. I tried a lunch group for OAPs but it wasn’t for me. It’s just a lonely existence when I close the front door behind me and miss his presence. All the photos remind me yes, but I’m forgetting his voice already, so I scurry to the family videos. He wouldn’t want me to move and I’m trying not to.
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He would want you to do whatever makes u happy ! I think its a good job i haven’t moved cos my neighbours been great to me. I know they thought world of my husband and so they help me too , which is so lovely 
shame about my kids ! They keep hitting me with that stick … cant do right for wrong half the time so i give up ! I think theyre taking it out on me cos they lost their dad … who was a very lovely man tbh but its not my fault ! X
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Gosh the thought of the exertion moving is impossible for me to think of. I had these ideas what I would do but no energy with this bereavement fog now COVID fog on top. A year older I just feel a year more tired. These short days are challenging for me. Today only made my own food, filled dishwasher, fed cat, went to a zoom meeting, answered a telephone call, did bit knitting, watched. The Crown,
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Yes know what you mean ! Thars why i havent done it ! But i just get this urge to run away from it all … start again, get away from the pain 
and u have done a lot today . Well done ! Just seen this message xx
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Wow I never feel I achieve much. Today rain. Emptied bins and chucked load out date tablets out all his jobs mine now.
COVID test to do to see if I am negative. Changed new head on electric toothbrush tick. The wool was all round floor where cat and I had got tangled. Someone said up vitamins so are two tasteless oranges and resolved to eat the pepper, tomato, onion, carrot, etc. will I ever get back on top? Headstone going to arrive April. Now got to order parents one. Hate admin. He was so good at it. I am so not. I was going to wash all covers with COVID all over now got easier idea to bag them up to do when spring and can out in line and just cover with something else
I take easy way out.
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@Peter30
My wife passed away in November 23 after a long illness with MSA (Parkinsons Type) which had initially impacted her mobility but she rapidly deteriorated and passed away unexpectedly. I had planned to retire 31/12/23 to take care of her and spend more quality time with her.
To be honest my sleep patterns and concentration spans are very limited since she passed and i took a 3 week sick leave (my daughter is a GP and signed me off) . Only my 3rd sick note in 44 years) i finished on 21/12 aged 60. I am doing private consultancy (as an electrical consulting engineer) but only do a 1/2 day typically.
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Iam new on here after losing the love of my life 3 months ago…its been a devastating experience and sympathise with anyone goin through similar…my query is about work…i haven’t returned i feel I’ll mess up collapse etc has anyone found it helps or went back too soon just in my 60s so debating wether to ever go back,cheers.
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@Unhappydays
I can totally understand and relate to that
My wife has been in palliative care for some time and I was 60 in June. She had a couple of falls in one day and I said fukkit I’m retiring at Christmas so we can get some time together.
She was taken ill on bonfire and night and passed away 14 November as things avalanched out of control. I was a train wreck, my daughter booked a sick note for 3 weeks with stress. She’s a GP and she was right !
My sleep schedule was dreadful but getting better, my concentration was dreadful and it took me three weeks to recover enough to return to work - I knew I only needed to work 5 more weeks and that’s all I could focus on.
My career with the company spanned 34 years as a consultant engineer but my interest and motivation is zero - my last day was 21/12/23 and I’m so pleased to be out. I still do freelance work for private clients but sleep patterns are improving slowly and concentration is too ! I do max 2 days a week now and fit that around my life!
Looking forward to looking after my grandson (7) tomorrow, he’s such a sweet boy.
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I fully understand nothing can knock you more sideways iam in a similar position could pack up altogether or reduced hours or go back full time the place could be depressing and now have a dog to care for as the grandkids we brought up have grew up & left…talk about a massive void.
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I suggest you try part time if that’s possible and you can cope with it if not try to look at getting out if your pension is suitable
I dont think I could return to work at my last employer as I was already in need of a change but I have some work lined up for contractors
Some days I feel ok and able to work and some days I can’t get focused or motivated to work
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Good shout i really could really do with leaving my pension in longer…they could reduce hours or part-time is the way forward elsewhere i need to go back at the right time get my mind and body settled and in a better place.
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You definitely should get some professional advice about pensions if you haven’t already done so. I had consolidated my pensions a couple of years ago and used part of my tax free allowance to do home improvements and buy my company vehicle.
Needs a little more work but I can live comfortably
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Last year I dropped from 5 days to 4 to help as my wife’s health deteriorated and a 4 day week was only a 10-15% loss in nett pay as I was paying 40% tax so it made a big difference to my tax and NI deduction
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I lost my wife of 64 years in August last. For 2 years before that I had been ferrying her back and forth to the surgery with acute stomach pains with the same diagnosis each time… urinary tract infection. This became so bad that she ended up in hospital for 13 Days with the same diagnosis. I eventually had to call out the Doc again and as she had seen every Doc in the surgery they sent a locum who within 10 minutes had arranged for her to have a scan. 2 days later that was completed an 4 days after that we were called int OPD. And given the diagnosis. Inoperable bowel, liver and lung cancer. We had 6 weeks between diagnosis and death and I am devastated with guilt that I had not done enough to have this seen to earlier. She is at peace now . I now appreciate how others feel in the same situation. You are all in my Prayers.
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Sorry for your loss. I had 6 weeks to say goodbye too … its truly awful i know … look after yourself and chat on here because people do understand xxx
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Thanks DebS. I know that I am not alone in this but it still doesn’t make it any easier. She is everywhere in the house and I feel I can’t relax and that I should be doing something for her. Take care of yourself xx
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Well enjoy her being in the house … i felt my husband all around our house especially those early days … nothing wrong with that … its hard when we done a lot of caring isn’t it ? Xx
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