Hi Stevet
I too am similar. Been with Graham ( my partner) for 37 years from being 15 he was my best friend and all I needed. He too had health issues for 18 years I devoted my time to looking after him as he needed me to be there, be strong and keep smiling. I did work only part time but had to finish last year as Graham needed 24/7 care and I was happy to do that. When you’ve got bills to pay you have to do what you do dont have any regrets. Graham went into hospital caught COVID and passed away 30/10/20 so 3 months ago. Seems to be getting harder as time goes on. I have a daughter and 2 grandsons but they have their own life to live and unless you are in this horrific position I don’t think people truly get it. Yes Graham had health problems but shouldn’t have died at 50 . I relate to people staying away as that happened here too not just friends family too. I will have to get a job but cannot face it at the moment. Just so lost sad and lonely and echo what you said about not being able to face the next 20+ years without them. Take care Julie
Dear Julie,
So sorry to hear of you loss, the same happened to my husband, he had a infection, the doctor said it was sepsis, I had been shielding him since December 2019, after the first signs of a virus mentioned
the doctor said he needed to go into hospital , the thought of that worried me greatly, my husband was 82 years old, but he was very good for his age, he was my carer, as I use a wheelchair or can walk limited with two crutches, while in hospital he caught covid, he did not know as I told the doctors he would be terrified if he knew, he fought the sepsis and the covid, and came home but he had lost over 3 stone in weight, he needed carers as he could not stand, we had been married for 49 half years, he was my soul mate and we where always together, after being home for 5 days his sepsis was coming back and the doctor placed him into end of life care, I lay next to him and cuddled him for two day I was so privialidged to be able to do that, he was able to see family and passed away two days later, yes he was 82years old, but I miss him so very very much, I have cried solid for the last 3 months since he died on the 5th Nov, I know how you feel believe me, thankfully I don’t work, but I cannot imagine your struggle on top of what has happened, I was not coping at all, I have struggled with the pandemic, as I have no body to help my sons comes over 200 miles once a week, he has offered me to stay with him, but like you said they have there own lives to live, just don’t get so bad like I did that i did not sleep eat or cope for 3 months, until i tel and left a message for our doctor, she has prescribed tablets to help a little, but at least a little help I needed, so that i can get a little sleep, my heart goes out to you I was told by my doctor do not try to think ahead, just take one day at a time, because the minute you think ahead, your world will crumble, to think about life on your own is unbearable and I know you are unable face anyone or probably even talk over the phone without breaking down completely, Just take one day at a time and speak to your GP for help, I never wanted to take tablets to help, but when things are so unbearable you will find that it helps a little, you are in my prayers I know how you feel, and yes it is so unfair to lose your husband so young, but young or older, it is unbearable, I will keep you in my prayers, and yes it will help, I prayed for my husband to be able to come home and he did even though it was a short time, I was able to be with him. God Bless Audi
I know how you feel. I lost my partner of 10 years to pancreatic cancer less than 3 weeks after diagnosis. I have a daughter & son but like you they have their own busy lives & families although they do what they can.
When you lose your husband/partner people don’t realise his your life changes complete
Others miss them but their lives go on the same
Ours don’t & have changed forever
Always here to chat so keep your spirits up if you can . Take care
So sorry for your loss. Just reading the trauma many of us have been through is truly heartbreaking. It is at the moment unimaginable to know how life will continue with out him in it. After 37 years it is all I know xx
I know exactly what you mean Bjane. My husband died 7 weeks ago. I have not worn makeup since and feel dressing up is wasted as I have nobody to impress. He meant the world to me. Everything is a waste of time as he isn’t here to share it with me.
Oh Bubba, I so feel for you. Seven weeks is no time and as you’ll have read , that’s exactly how I felt. Just lost, lonely , heartbroken and hopeless. As you’ll also have read on this site the most frequently offered piece of advice is to just take one day at a time.And it’s good advice when it’s a huge effort to even get out of bed, that’s an achievement in the early days , and a small step to be proud of. I just about managed to have a daily shower but that was the limit of self care. I remember that awful feeling of everything being hopeless with your life at an end and no point in anything. You think you’ll never smile again or enjoy anything ever again. It’s so bleak and no one can help you.But it’s been nearly a year now for me and things have changed quite a bit. No, we’ll probably never stop missing them but we can find some pleasures again, believe it or not. I’ve started using my Elemis again , which I hadn’t looked at for months, so it does happen, just very slowly. Take care and don’t be hard on yourself xx
Thankyou. Light at end of tunnel x
Hello I lost my wife only a few weeks ago on the 23 February the cremation was on the 10 March I have a lovely family who support me all they can but when they go it’s so quiet and lonely makes you want to shout out .it all happened so quick fought lymphoma for 10 months was getting better then had a scan it had gone aggressive tried more chemo had scan told on the weds end of life nothing more they could do spread to much gave weeks to live she lasted 6 days I was holding her for the last 4 hours of her life I’m glad I did but it was hard when she went she was at home which was better inthese circumstances were in I am now so lonely just need a little reassurance that it will get better
I totally feel for you . I lost my partner last June
He was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer that we didn’t know he had & passed in less than 3 weeks having spent that time in hospital .
I couldn’t visit because of Covid & was unable to be there at the end . That had been so hard to come to terms with
I too find it so lonely at home now although my family & friends have been great.
But when the door closes it just you & the thing I find the hardest it not having anyone to talk to.
It does get easier but lockdown hasn’t helped as have had to spend time at home.
Just take one day at a time & make sure you get out for while every day if you can. It breaks the monotony if only for 15 minutes
Take cate
Dear Roger,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife, I lost my husband on the 5th Nov, after he had been in hospital for some weeks, thankfully he came home, but like your wife after 5 days at home he was put into end of life care, I slept next to him cuddling and kissing him his family all got to come and see him and our sons also came, he only lasted 2 days after being placed in end of life care, i cuddled and kissed him for those two days, I lade next to him, I did not leave his side only to go to the bathroom, I was so privelidged to be able to do that he was unconscious on his final day. now he is no longer here it is so hard, we would have been married for 50years this coming August, Like my GP said you will always miss him, you just have to learn to live a different kind of life, which I find very hard, he was my soul mate, we spent the last 23 years always together, never apart, I was disabled and my husband was always there for me. I often think about the people that did not get to be with there loved ones at the end, which must even add more to the sorrow, just talk to her ,I talk to my husband all the time when watching tv I would say oh look John you like this program , I will always be upset, unfortunately I have been finding it to hard to bear, so I have had to take medication from my GP, as I find although my sons live a long way away and they have asked meet stay with them, but I love being in my home, I have tried a couple of times to set of to our sons home, but right at the last minute I just break down in floods of tear and cannot do it yet, so I am hoping that the medication will help me be able to leave our home, just take one day at a time Roger and everyone on this site is so helpful just write anything down and there is always someone that will try to help you, don’t think ahead just try to think of all the good times you had and how lucky you was to have such a lovely wife, some people don’t even get that.
God Bless keep talking Regard Audi
@Roger549x It is so lonely… it’s very hard x I’m 4 months on and lost my husband in 13 days x Like a rocket going off. I am back at work now and Friday eves are the worst, coming home … putting my j9b at the back of my mind and here I am, there again. I walk in and laughing say … so here I am again and youre still not here ! Ive put a lottery ticket under his ashes as we always bought each other a ticket … hoping he will do some magic x Roger, you are still very much in the early throws … I could not even focus on a conversation for over 8 weeks …
It does change, it’s still hard but 8 have adapted a little x x x Its the biggest fight 9f my life to keep taking those forward steps everyday x x Give yourself.time and accept that this will take a long long time and you will live alongside the loss but when people say time heals… I don’t agree x Time simply puts a distance f9r me.from the trauma and shock of.the events that led to him leaving x x Get as much support as you can and do not.expect to feel ok because you wont x x dont be hard on yourself x.x
Thankyou for your kind words I’ll take your advice and keep going I’ll see my doctor to to see if they can help me
Thanks for your kind advice I’ll keep talking to family and maybe see my doctor to see if they can help in any way thank you again roger
Thanks for your advice as you say at least I was with my wife I’m sorry you had to go through that without seeing him at all must have been hard
It was & his family were awful to me after but I try to put it behind me & not dwell on it. One day at a time & that’s what we have to do
Take care
Ahhh sorry to hear about your loss my hubby died in Feb and like you I have complaints to put in to the hospital they failed him on many occasions. He was 55 and like u we had been together years think it was 39 this year so I’m also lost night time is the worst for me when u can’t sleep and lie awake thinking
So true I find writing a diary telling my husband what has happened every day it helps
I really feel for you our losses are similar in some ways I lost my husband aged 47 from multiple cancer’s that were only diagnosed days before he passed away. It was the first lockdown the consultant phoned and said we have the result of your scan it’s grim you have months left, he was put on end of life care at home he was gardening on the Friday was in pain on the Saturday stayed in bed all day then Sunday morning at 10oclock swung his legs over the bed sat up I helped him and he just collapsed no warning just the end. I’m grateful that it was at home in my arms peacefully it’s just the loneliness is unbearable and I’m 11months on still hoping it gets better. I wish you the best and hope you find some peace x
Grief has two faces, the public face you show to others and the private faces only you sees, with the tears, the pain and the heartache 
Kazza i totally agree with you. I try really hard to be strong but kids always seem to catch me out. Either they ring me and im sobbing so much that i cant stop or one of them will visit to check on me. The nights are the worst. We are all together on this and the support from sue ryder really helps, people in same situations. Sad , lonely and lost x