I totally understand what you went through.
After my husband died our two sons decided to get divorced (as if I hadn’t enough pain to deal with), they said since their dad had died it has made them realise life is too short to be unhappy. 18 months later, our youngest son met someone else and decided to get married again.
It was a large wedding with all the guests friends of our new daughter in laws family as all my family had died many years before. I did not know anyone apart from our sons new in-laws but they were too busy socialising to bother about me.
All mine and my late husbands friends from the 1960’s still had their partners and after my husbands funeral, vanished into thin air so when I was asked to invite someone I knew there was no chance at all of me doing so.
I still remember sitting on the top table, between our two sons, whilst our newly married son gave a speech and spoke about his dad and I honestly do not know how I kept it together. After the reception was over, I went to my hotel room as many of us were staying overnight and I cried and cried. I got myself changed for the evening reception and felt like a fish out of water, everyone was a stranger, there was dancing, food and again, everyone was socialising but no-one knew me, so I left and went to the hotel room and went to bed. I had a loving family growing up but my dad died just after we married and then my sister died and then my mum, Peter had lost both his parents by the time he was 18 so it has always been just the two of us until we had our sons in the early 1970’s.
It is seven years tomorrow since I lost him, we were together exactly 50 years on the 30th August when he died.
I only have our sons and their partners, we have four grandchildren, three I never see as our sons ex wives moved away to the other side of the country and since the pandemic started, I don’t even get a phone call or anything even though I send them messages and gifts for their birthdays etc. not even a reply even though we looked after them from being 6 months old until they went to school and then in school holidays whilst their parents worked.
I am content in our home where Peter carried me over the threshold in 1967, this is my haven and if I never, ever set foot outside of the garden again it would not bother me, this is where I belong, this is where I feel safe and close to Peter. Since Peter died the world has gone crazy and then the pandemic where so many people have lost their lives.
I will live my life as I am doing now, getting up in the morning and deciding what to do, I make a list of jobs to do, such as painting the door, cutting the hedges etc.etc. as I cannot get any diy person to actually turn up to do the jobs so I will do it myself, I am nearly 80 years old now so goodness knows how much time I have left on this earth but I will make the most of what time I have left doing what I want to do when I want to do it.
One of these days, all our many friends from the 1960’s who are still with their husbands will finally find out what losing your husband/wife means, heartache, devastation and loneliness.