I have friends that have a knack of doing that & or somehow a knack of being deaf & totally not hearing what you’re saying. Totally ignore it as if it has never been said. I get may be they don’t know how to handle it but it doesn’t help. If i’m asked how i am, i tend to just say alright cos it’s easier, even if i’m really not.
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I wake up every morning and reality hits me like a train that I’ll never see his lovely smile again and will always be lonely and my hesrt breaks a bit more every day I just can’t stop crying I never thought my life would be like this we were so happy and thought we’d got years ahead to enjoy life together
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@ClareB1962 I totally get what you are saying. Life is cruel & unfair but it does help to know that we are not alone in this situation. I have been surprised by friends response. The ones that you imagined would be the most supportive have not been. Yet there have been a couple of others that weren’t very close friends before who have been absolutely brilliant. Sending hugs
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ClareB1962 i know what you are going through there are no real words to decribe the utter devastation to our lives that losing someone that was so loved and that loved you back unconditionally makes it much more painful noone no matter how kind or helpful can ever know the suffering we are going through each and every day and night all i can offer in anyway is go with every emotion and i know that your handsome darling husband is with you not physically but deep in your heart and will give you strength to go on god bless you sending love and hugs 
xx
Hi jan17,
I don’t think it helps to know that we are not alone ( people on this forum), what I think it is , we are not the only “one” feeling like this. It’s really sad how many people feel like we feel. I also agree with people who have really tried to help are not the ones you expected too. Some who thought would didn’t get the way we are feeling.
I tried a counsellor last week, didn’t work for me. I signed a form withholding my permission to inform my GP, also withheld permission for the counsellor to access my records. I also cancelled a future appointment. They tried calling me a few times, but I didn’t want to speak anymore about Mandy. Then out of the blue I get a text from my gp surgery to called them. The counsellor had gone completely opposite to what I had signed and informed my gp. I was so close to making an official complaint. Will never trust again.
When I told the gp surgery I didn’t want an appointment, they still phoned that evening. Will never confide in so called professional’s again. Everybody may have been trying to help, but you should have control who you want to help.
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@swojto I’m sorry you didn’t feel the benefit of the counsellor. I am on a waiting list for two different counselling/bereavement support but so far nothing. I’m really hoping they help me on this journey. I think that is a disgrace that the counsellor broke yours & their confidentiality agreement. I think you should formally complain. Although I understand if you don’t have the head space for it just now. I know Sometimes I find it easier to just let things go as it saps too much energy that we just don’t have at the moment. Take care.
Hi Jan, so sorry you were let down by your counsellor & when you feel up to it you should complsin. They have a code of conduct to follow & if you signed a document saying no, then they had no right. There are good counsellors out there, i’ve had some but once your trust has gone i can appreciate you feeling the way you do. It’s just such a shame cos another one may be able to help. I hope you are as ok as you can be & take care.
I’ve found there’s absolutely no immediate help out there apart from getting medication from the GP which I never in a million years thought I’d do but I just can’t face next week without help to hopefully calm my emotions so I don’t totally wreck it for Paul’s family - I’ve contacted many organisations asking for counselling and it’s weeks before even a consultation is available and that’s paying privately - there’s no one there when you need help in the middle of the night- they say phone 111 or get to A&E - useless . This forum has helped me more than anything just to sound off frustrations but the kind comments of support and understanding are comforting.
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Yes, waiting lists are far too long. At least on here you can get free counselling over the phone for a short period which can be helpful. It nice just to be able to say stuff, get if off your chest etc.
I know where you are comming from my hubby Gordy was all i have ever known and truly loved since i was 17 when we were married young not really ready for what was ahead but we grew together and now at 66 he has been taken from me suddenly, and yes i don’t want to live the rest of my life without him he’s all i have wanted and known so i get up in the morning deal as best i can cry and try to make sense of it and so life goes on around me i watch couples laughing and enjoying their time together,and i think how unfair that i will never have that feeling again sorry for going on a bit but I’m not coping at the moment love to all who are feeling this way too 
xx
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Hi joy72, there is no need to apologise on this forum, we all do it. It’s a nightmare. Everything invested, everything lost. It might pay you to look into St John’s Wort. This is a natural antidepressant. Sometimes life feels crushing, no joy, long days and nights even longer. We all think our loves and ourselves have had a shitty hand dealt, but the truth is life is so random, let’s hope our pain doesn’t continue too long whichever way that may come. I hope you feel better soon, but I’m not holding my breath. Take care Stefan
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@Joy72
I am so sorry , I know how hard it is and I know that at this moment in time there is nothing anyone can say that will take the pain away.
I met my lovely husband just before I was eighteen and we were married for 43 years. He passed last October and like you, my life just ended.
I still can’t believe this has happened. I will say that the unbearable pain has subsided and now it is sadness and a heavy heart. When I see other couples I don’t feel angry at them but I just feel that we should still be together enjoying the future we had planned and why aren’t we and they are. Why did this happen to us.
Your husband sounds like a lovely kind man, donating the gift of sight to others, you must be so proud of him.
I, like you, believe in God and as hard as it sometimes is, I know that my husband is now safe and we will be together for eternity when it is my time to go and join him in heaven.
I send you lots of big hugs and the strength to keep going forward.
You seem such a lovely person, your grief is so new and yet you are reaching out and comforting others, you will be making your husband very proud. xx
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I think that too - am I a bad person? Why did you take my husband @ only 55 years, we were starting to plan retirement together - last child just left home 5 days before he died through the night away from home. The pain in my heart is constant and the loneliness seems huge but I also have money worries too as he’d not shared passwords and I can’t open his mobile!! What a bloody mess I’m in - my father only passed 12 weeks before my Paul too 
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Hi, why do you need to open his mobile? If you were married you only need to take the death certificate into the bank and they will sort it out for you. It may be different if there is a Will in place.
Thankyou for reaching out to me alir I’ve had a bad day today andyour thoughtful kind words have given me comfort though you are also grieving may god bless us both until we can again be reunited with our loved ones sending love and hugs to you xx
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Thankyou stefan i just felt so lost i hope like you say we will somehow surrvive but not yet or now i will definitely look into taking something herbal thankyou x
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Hi joy72, I think we are all lost. Not sure how our journey progresses or ends. I think most of us know how we would like it to end. St. John’s wort does work, but not recommend with bright sunlight, not sure if we get joy out of sunny day’s anymore. Take care
No, iPhones are locked to the person - may have to get court order although process is now underway. Said it could be a day to a month - even a possibility that everything may get wiped! We’ll see x
Hi, I’m not talking about the phone. Why do you want to access the phone? I’m talking about bank access.