Love is eternal and transcends our current existance
Hi, we may feel love is eternal, but my belief is we actually feel it until we die. If Mandy could feel love she would, but as she has passed away I don’t think she is able. For some reason I say “passed away” rather than “died” as it seems less harsh, but it just means the same. One thing for sure I will love my Mandy with all my heart until my last breath.
4 Likes
Have to say, the only thing i’m glad about is they did go first. I know if it were the other way around they wouldn’t cope at all. She’d have fell apart & lost everything that was still left.
I’m like that, i say “passed away” for the same reason.
2 Likes
Yes the bank shouldn’t be a problem all you need to do is send the DC and marriage cert and prove your id and they should do it almost overnight
The hardest part of my grief has been the anger phase and I’m still angry after a year. I really really want to blame someone and take my anger out on them. There’s no way she should have left me and should still be here with me - but as my daughter recently reminded me I’m being self-indulgent again
2 Likes
I understand the anger - I’ve felt that way - it’s very easy to turn into a bitter angry sarcastic person as you’re past caring what anyone else thinks of you and you hate everyone and everything - but then afterwards you feel awful as it’s no one else’s fault that you’re suffering and most people genuinely do want to help and comfort you - it’s hard not to but try to not lash out as people will walk away as they don’t really understand these awful emotions and pain we’re dealing with.
1 Like
My belief in the afterlife helped a lot, not because I’m religious(I’m NOT) but I do believe there is more to life than our mortal time on this earth. A consciousness if you like. For almost six months after she left me(I try never to say died or passed away) I had dreams with her(not about her but WITH her) They were so vivid it was like she was there in the dream with me and I think that was Nic ‘‘talking’’ to me
2 Likes
How nice for you, wish I could have a dream about Paul and see his face instead of just looking through photos
2 Likes
No my anger is internal and not directed at anyone - it’s an anger at how cruel life is - Don’t really think anyone is to blame - although I do blame myself sometimes for not going first.
1 Like
Hi, I personally don’t get what the anger is about . When you read about grief, it says you go through an angry phase. Who are you supposed to be angry at or about? I’ve never even thought about be angry. Most of my emotions are sadness. Sadness that Mandy got ill and fought for 8 days with double pneumonia and didn’t make it. Sadness Mandy is only with me in memories and ash form and lots of photos on my phone, Watch, and over the house. I’m not religious ,and also don’t believe in the consciousness going on after death. I would love to be proved wrong but somehow I don’t think I will be. Again I’m not knocking anybody’s beliefs but I’m just not one of them. As I’ve said before, if that is your belief it would give you so much comfort, and good on you. Science has a lot to answer in my life. Everybody take care. Stefan
1 Like
It’s one of the five stages of grief and I’ve been through them all, more than once, now I’m back at the angry stage - stops me getting depressed
Hi Sonya 24 I don’t come on here too often these days. But what you have written is as though you are talking about me. I think many of us feel exactly as you so describe. For me it’s now been 3 years since I lost my lovely husband and I still get those awful days but I think I have learnt to accept there will be days like that. I hope for you those awful days do become less. I still hate the silence,but I have the radio on. Couldn’t be without radio 2. I’ve only started doing this in the past six months. Even when you peg the washing out and you come back into the house, I have found it helpful. Be kind to yourself and take care x
2 Likes
The other thing that has changed for me is how I think about death - Not sure what actually happens, but thats where Nic is and I desperately want to be wherever she is - So I’m now looking forward to it and from a philosophical pov want to find out if I’m right about the afterlife. There’s only one way I can do that. No I’m NOT suicidal(Nic would never forgive me) but I do know that one day I’m gonna follow her, we all are, and I have accepted that now - before she went we never talked, or even thought, about it - we were gonna live forever. I didn’t stop loving her 12 months ago - think I love her more now than I ever did and thats why my love is eternal - it’s part of my consciousness and if it can survive her going it will survive me as well.
2 Likes
I think being self indulgent is ok but not all the time. We all go through different emotions & i think going with flow is best. Not always easy but no point fighting it. I’ve never been angry but have felt guilty & at times i still feel that. I feel at the end, when she needed me most i failed her. I failed her cos i didn’t save her, even though i tried with all my heart, strength & breath😢.
Hi, as I said before, you tried the best you could do. I feel guilty because I’m alive and Mandy isn’t. It’s the same when I eat, what little I eat. Again as I have said, not too sure who got the short end of the stick. It’s like the sword of Damocles, I didn’t want Mandy to die, but I wouldn’t want her to feel the pain we are all feeling. As with this crappy life, you can never win.
1 Like
You’re not wrong there.
Hi again,
What I did omit on my last message, I have absolutely no fear of dying. Before my Sweetheart died I would have been apprehensive about dying. After what turned out to be the worst day of my life 04/04/23, and holding Mandy’s hand as she passed from this life. That memory is hard to shift, if I want to. So my death will hold no fear, the only bad part is that I don’t have her hand to hold again. I know she would ,if she could have. Let’s hope our ashes are mixed not too long into the future.
3 Likes
Hi i am having a real bad horrible day today just feel like i dont want to carry on life is just not the same i understand how most off you are all feeling. Grief is a terrible thing 
5 Likes
Hi, I think a great many of us feel the same way. You can be sitting, standing, minding you own business, watching television, then wham, out of the blue, you think of something, probably not meaning to, and the tears start, the horrible feelings start. I call this the demons calling, and they happen anytime, anywhere and never seem to stop. I only comfort, which might help you sometimes, is knowing you don’t have to live this awful life if you don’t want to. Having this control over your own life may allow you to go forward a bit. I have some things to sort out, then may say goodbye to this horrible life I never asked for, or particularly wanted. I know my Mandy didn’t want to leave this life, but I don’t wish to have a life without her. She was my everything, and I feel like I’ve lost everything.
2 Likes