Hi Hope. I am so very sorry to hear about your situation. I cry an awful lot too, even though I think I am a strong person losing my husband nearly 10 weeks ago has destroyed me. It’s a difficult one about the cats. They are solitary creatures. The 18 year old cat is very old…so normal for it to be sleeping a lot and appear tired and down…. You’ll know your cat best…will it tolerate another cat? It will be stressful for the cats. But cats bring so much love and joy… I know my cat has helped me a lot…she seems to sense my sorrow. It is tough to make any decisions at the moment. Thinking of you
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Feel the same…x
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Thanks Lins sorry for your loss too its hard to see how il ever get over his death but its early days for us .my cat i think wont be best pleased .I just dont know what to do .I also had to take him to the vets yesterday he was passing blood they need to do blood tests im worried he may pass something on to her .Keep asking my partner to give me a sign to try to tell me what he would do for the best .wish he was here alive and none of this would be happening its so cruel he was only 68 xxx
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68 is so incredibly young…. I am so sorry to hear how hard it is…… I do feel broken a lot of the time [im 70] but I try…and it’s hard to do it…to remember I was lucky we had a very long life together and he had a very long happy retirement… it was just the last 2 years as his dementia got worse he became frail and fell… but we still believed he’d come through as he was so strong and fit…he just crumbled over a week and was gone. I still struggle to believe it. He loved nature and Owls especially. An Owl has come to our woods, his daughter saw it first on the day of his funeral, I have seen it twice since then and recently it was calling near the front of the house… I am not superstitious, really don’t believe in anything like it but it has comforted me on very bad days or nights…I just wonder what happens to our minds when we grieve so badly.
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Yes it’s like when i see a Robin.They say it’s your loved one. These little thing’s are comforting. The worst thing might be when i hear a piece of music or a film we both liked. Depending on my mood can have me in foods of tears.But that doesn’t happen too often now.x
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My mind works overtime about everything and never rests even my dreams are all mixed up and traumatic .I feel sometimes like im been punished .Norhing seems real nothing makes sense .Ive lost my future now the lonliness is the worst thing ever .Xxx
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I am the same here. Thinking about a future without him is unbearable. I also have the feeling that I did something terrible and my husband was punished for it and I am also being punished by losing him and being on my own now. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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I know its strange i keep thinking hes mad or angry at me i have no idea what makes me feel that way grief is just an agonising feeling and the last few days i feel like ive gone right bk to the start .im pretty much on my own so possibly too much time overthinking .xxx
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I think you are right about being alone and overthinking. I try to keep busy by clearing paperwork etc. Some days I am successful in keeping busy, some days I am not. I start accepting this. I was also shocked to find out that I am only entitled to a widow pension when I turn 66. I am 62 ( in August 63). My husband was 65 when he died suddenly and would turn 66 three weeks later. My husband thought that I would get a widow’s pension immediately if something would happen to him. So it might that I have to go back to work. Another future nightmare because I stopped working a few years ago to be a housewife. Just to think that I have to start commuting to London again and using the same public transport we used to travel on together makes me tense and stressed. I also have the feeling that I am going around in circles. Some hours are okayish and then a breakdown again. Be strong we will go through this together. Sending lots of love and a special hug.
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I am so sorry for your loss, Peacefulspot ,its very .like my own story,.I lost.my Husband last July 2022, he was 66 years old. He was ready.for his State.pension , but sadly was not.to be, he died.of heart failure at home right.in front of me, I was holding his hand, he slipped away, we had a holiday booked for September 2022, for Malta.we never got on it as he died, in the July, I am still fighting to get some compensation, with the insurance people, but its a hard slog, Im fighting for it for him, more than for me,.we would have had our 40th Wedding Anniversary in April gone. So many.plans, now all gone, your right, life is so cruel, Ive got good family. They help ,but it feels so lonely without my lovely Husband, thinking of all of us on here, and the.loneliness we feel…
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Hi Sandra. I only get that lonely feeling at certain times.It comes over in waves. Sunday’s mostly if i haven’t any company,Saturday’s when we would go into Town together. And other time’s when we all feel lonely. But now i live with the wonderful memories we made together and for my boy’s, grandchildren,and family. My husband would’ve wanted that. Night,night all.x
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Awe and by the way my name is Jeanette.
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Morning to all i totally share your greif and loneliness,my husband died unexpectedly on the 30th of may this year he was 72 and i am 66 we would have been married 49yrs he was a wonderful supportive kind helpful handsome man and i miss him every second of every day even with the love and support of my daughter i have just the one she’s been amazing and misses her dad too as do my two older grandsons when i am alone which sadly is the same for us all the pain and realisation that the one person that you loved and relied on has gone forever i dread going to shops and places we both enjoyed together the music in some shops can catch me unawares and the tears flow silently as for christmas and other anniversaries i don’t dare think about i feel for you all and am saddened by your sad losses and the life we all find ourselves having to struggle through i hope and pray that we all find the strength and love from somewhere to come through this darkness and into the light love to all xx
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I’m reading all your messages and thoughts this morning, thank you, it does help to know, even in this awful sadness, I’m not alone and you understand. Tomorrow will be 10 weeks since I sat beside my lovely man in hospital, held his hand and said it was ok to go and I would be fine. His darling daughter was on his other side and she kissed him, as I did and he passed incredibly peacefully. We’ve had each other since then and when she is here I can almost feel relaxed. Of course, she had to go home to her family but she continues to look after me, even though I’m not her mother…another gift he left me. I find it much harder now than at the beginning, I think it is the realisation that this is life now and people think I should get on with it. I was thinking about it and it is knowing I’ll never be hugged, kissed or my hand will be held in that way again…it is a physical loneliness and it is very hard . I hope it will get better over time x
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All of the above resonates with me. We were both retiring soon and i know i will now need to work a bit if i want to have more than the basics. I am currently in Puerto Pollensa with a friend. Its something we have done many times and booked last year. It’s also somewhere Pete and i have been, in fact our last holiday together was spent here with our son and his family. It was a lovely holiday and he taught our granddaughter to fish and we have some lovely photos. So i am here. I have brought some ashes to sprinkle. He would like that. It will be tough as i haven’t been ready to do this yet, but i may not come back next year so i am determined to do it. Its been nearly 12 weeks since his sudden death and there are hours and days that are better and i almost feel normal, but then it comes crashing in. But there is hope around the corner. Sending strength and love to you all, wish me luck with the ashes.
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I wish you all the best scattering his ashes. I took a small amount of ashes in May to his home in Bavaria. His niece and I walked our favourite walk. A walk he’d done with me hundreds of times and it fell peaceful, the sun shone and I was glad a little bit of him was home… I think all these little things will help us heal in time…I find it very hard to go back to any of our favourite places but surely, in time, these will bring back the happiest of memories. Thinking of you all today as we try to move one step forward
I found this online… I’m not sure it helps but I like it
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My husband was Spanish and we took his ashes home to Galicia in Northan Spain. The family laid on a beautiful internment service and his ashes were placed in the memorial wall with a beautiful marble plaque with aninscription on. The sun shines on the little cemetery. He loved the sun 
.
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Here i have entered something in the memorial book at the crematorium which is opened every year on our anniversary. The boy’s and i go every year to lay flower’s. x
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You are so not alone with these feelings. My hubby died nearly 7 months ago now and I’m also alone - no family to help. Do try to get out or do something each day - something you enjoy or even a little housework helps break the monotony. Some days I cope particularly if a friend pops in or phones, other days I just sit and sob. It does change over time, but not in a linear way, just one step forward is all we can do. Thinking of you xx
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Hi Annaessex
I lost my husband suddenly on 30 December 2022 so coming up to 6 months. The hardest 6 months in my life. But to give you hope I am now making a new path in my life. Been back at work 7 weeks after he passed. My work family have been amazing and I like the routine and purpose. Our daughter lives about an hour and half away so I am on my own most days. But I have my dogs to keep me company. Some days I struggle and cry other days I am good and get on with things. I still find it hard to believe he is gone after being together since I was 20. I am 56 now. A lovely lady told me on here when I first posted in January., to accept any offer you get from friends and family to get out. Even if you don’t want to go. Many times I didn’t want to go but I went and felt better for it. I still never want to go out but I make an effort each time. Some days now I don’t cry but smile fondly when I think of him and my memories of us together. Maybe one day I will be totally happy again but that is probably a long way off. I am so sorry for your loss and send love for a happy future xxx
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