Hello Shirley, what I would give for just one night of good sleep. To be able to function better during the day.
It all a vicious cycle, sadness, loneliness and not being able to sleep. Ramble away talking on here is the only place we can let our true thoughts out.
Sending love, Debbie X
Thank you Debbie my sleep pattern is off the wall too but has been a bit better of late and have been managing abt 4-5 hours with the help of medication from my GP. I was at my youngest sonās last week and relaxed enough to sleep Ok but coming back home and feeling isolated and alone has been a step backwards. I miss Chris but don"t miss the relentlessness of the Cancer that was eating away at him over the past 10 years. The last 2 years being the worst coping with lockdown shielding and chemo every two weeks. He stayed at home till the end hard as it was I am thankfull that I kept my promise to him to be at home but the toll on both my physical.and mental health has been far worse than I thought it would be. Exhaustion fills every part of your being and a difficult stepson thrown into the equation hasnāt helped me process my own feelings let alone deal with my grief. Getting through each day is an achievement and this forum helps knowing you are not on your own x
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Hi shirleymc
Oh how I relate to your situation. Mark fought cancer for 4 years and like you the last 19 months so hard with shielding etc. He also wanted to stay at home which we managed for him. The effect on me has taken me by surprise I must admit. I knew it was going to happen and knew I would be left on my own. You think you are prepared for it but the whole experience is so much harder in reality.
I am on tablets for my anxiety and thankfully they are helping a lot and also sleeping well.
Sleeping well is so important hope it improves for you soon.
Take care xx
I sleep with sleeping meds. Itās been a year and the anxiety still digs me. I miss H so much and life is not the same. It never will be. Itās our wedding anniversary on Thursday we will have been married for 17 years. I will play our special song x
Thank you Barbara. Itās tough at times I was so glad he had his wish to be at home and with a lot of support we managed it. What I found hard was once he had passed it all faded away and youāre left with all those confusing emotions and abandand I have written to my MP suggesting that there is a gap in the service regarding End of Life Care that should include ongoing support for partner, wives &husbands to help them come to terms with what they have just gone through and that the NHS could work alongside the Voluntary Agencies to provide that. Nothing prepares you for it but good support systems might help. Thanks again for your reply it really helps to know that others have had similar experiances x
Thank you Nel I to take meds to help me sleep and manage my anxiety . Have good and bad days and am trying to build a life for myself but itās sometimes much easier said than done. Hopefully you manage to have a good day thinking of happier times on your anniversary . Take care x
Hi Shirley, Barbara and Nel. Just been to see my GP this morning, she has put me on antidepressants to help me sleep, she wanted to sign me off work. But I said no, as I explained to her when Iām with other people or at work as a general rule Iām okay I can cope, Itās the coming back to an empty house and the silence.
She also sent me a link to a councilling service.
During lockdown Doug had to go for blood transfusions every two weeks to hospital, we seemed to spend alot of time there for reason or another, he did used to worry they would stop his treatment due to covid. Looking back I donāt know where my energy came from with working and caring for him. When he died they did too.
It will interesting to see what your MP comes back with Shirley, there is nothing out there.
Take care everyone.
Debbie X
I am trying Kalms in the day to see if I feel more relaxed. I have Sertraline but the anxiety still breaks through. I think sometimes itās hunger but when your in our state it easy to get them confused. I too await what the MP says. Xx
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Emmerdale last night sent me into anxiety last night I tend to try and forget my cancer but last night Faiths cancer had metisised I had the same prognosis 5yrs the only thing that really concerns me is my 2 dogs that I promised Pat I would look after as long as I out survive them they are 9yrs old, once there gone I will be ready to go.
My GP prescriped Mirtasapine to take before I go to bed and it does help getting off to sleep and am sleeping deeper for about 4 -5 hours. Anxiety during the day fluctuates yesterday it was bad but today much more managable as long as I keep busy. I have also emailed my local assembly member( I live in Wales). who is the shadow spokesman for Health in the Welsh Government so will give them 14 days to reply before upping the anti . Day at a time thatās all we can do Take care x
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I also felt abandoned. District nurses and Macmillan came regularly and I got to know them. When mark died like you say everything stops. I spoke to a counsellor from cruse a couple of weeks ago and mentioned this and she said I had raised a good point. She suggested writing a letter about it. She said even if I donāt send it the thoughts might get out of my head. I might get around to it someday. Even if you had one visit to talk through what happened it would help. I have struggled with the mixed emotions. Our daughters wedding was 4 days before he died after being postponed 3 times because of covid. We managed to get him there and had a lovely day although he was very poorly. He obviously kept himself going to see her married. I am so proud of him.
Well done on writing to your MP. Hope you get a positive reply.
Xx
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Hi Nel
Iām taking sertraline and my anxiety is still there at times but nowhere near as bad as it was or as often.
My mood has definitely lifted and Iāve been out and about more meeting up with friends which makes a huge difference. Trying to be positive and get on with things as I know itās what mark wanted.
Xx
Does the Sertraline five you dyspepsia x
I hope so to Barbara it needs to be addressed even if they look.at a voluntary service that you are introduced to before hand and whilst you are coping with caring for them. It would be a link that follows you through the pain of it all.
It felt right that Chris was at home it gave his children quality time with their dad and his grandchildren had that time too in a familiar setting.
So glad Mark made your daughterās wedding a positive and lasting memory for you both to hang onto on bad days xx
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Yes i have had indigestion mainly at night before I go to bed. Iāve tried not having anything to eat late on and seems to be working.
It does seem to make me more tired and Iām sleeping later than I used to and takes me a while to pull myself together.
Xx
Awake again at 5am although Iām.sleeping a deeper sleep I wish I could sleep passed 5 -6 am. Early morning anxiety just kick in as soon as I open my eyes and itās so hard to shake off. Weād have a cuppa in bed and a chat about anything and everything before getting up for a shower and brealfast.It the worst part of the day for me now just being here in our bed alone is painfull and hard. I have thought about buying a new bed but that wonāt.change that empty feeling in the pit of my stomarch that says I miss you so much . Ramble over take care x
I woke several times during the night, nothing in unusual. Finely gave up and got up at six. Doug had sleep apnoea and I got do used to hearing his CPAP machine for the last ten years, silence is something I canāt get used too. Plus I now have a chest infection so I canāt stop coughing, tested itās not covid.
Morning are the worst Shirley, I know that anxiety feeling. I used to get up first and make Doug a cup of tea.
Life is rubbish without them.
Love to you all. X
Thanks Debbie mornings are the pitts .Sorry to hear you have a chest infection I had one back in March and ended up with antibiotics and like you tested negative every day. The anxiety is managable during the day but first think is a different matter putting the TV ot radio on doesnāt work trying to get back to sleep just makes it worse. So.any tips would help. Take care of yourself I made a flask of honey & lemon before going to bed and found it helped with the coughing at night x
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I wish there was a magic answer to the mornings. I have to force myself to get going because of still working, once Iām there the day does get more manageable.
Thank you for the tip, I will try the honey and lemon tonight.X
Ive met some lively people and I can scattersome of Grahamās ashes off the ship. I wasnāt expecting so many emotions though.
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