For me the pandemic had no impact on me I didn’t want to meet people anyway I got my cancer diagnosis and treatment during the pandemic. I still don’t meet anyone don’t want to they don’t care about me so I don’t care about them.
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We all care about you X X
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Hope all goes well tdy. Awake and anxious appt this mornimg with the solicitor to finalise details of Chris’s estate. Finding it hard to settle back at home too much on my mind and just want it all to go away. Morning are the worst times no distractions just me and my thoughts . X
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Morning, I’m awake too been on the loo with nervous tummy my hearts in my mouth and I can barely breathe with anxiety. I’ve decided not to eat by myself in the hotel tonight I’m going to eat st St pancras at lunch, not that I will want to eat anyway.
I’m sure all will go well today the solicitor will be very kind Shirley, hope you have a morning appointment to get it out the way. If there is anything which needs doing the solicitor will guide you. I was fortunate with Graham we had all joint accounts and a mirror will, the hard part for me was sorting out his royal mail pension and I’m still waiting for one part to be turned into widows pension.
I will let you know when I’m settled in hotel later, I feel really sick but I’ve noticed as I’m typing my heart rate has calmed. Thank you Shirley and hope it’s smooth all way for you today
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Shirley I start the day with wordle or play candy crush to escape those thoughts each morning it seems to calm me a little however not today. I’m thinking why am I putting myself through this and the answer us because Graham would be so sad if his death was in vain and I want him to be proud of me x
Thank you. You can do a practice run for me tdy as I’m taking that route to Paris this Autumn my eldest son moves to live in Paris with his family in July for a year
Morning wobbles are the worst and the hardest to deal with. My daughter in law showed me how to do wordle so will give it a try. What time are you setting off and will you have company on your trip away?
Our partners/ husbands want the best for us and they will be sitting on our shoulders quiding us keeping us safe on whatever journeys we take. Take care safe journey and breath xx
My daughter is dropping me at the train station then its solo all the way. I’m on Azura cruise ship which is the ship Graham and I had our last night on he died the next day so there will be mixed emotions.
I know from st pancras I go straight down to tube and get on piccadilly line to heathrow, that’s after I’ve been brave to have lunch and a glass of wine. At heathrow I’ve got to have a LFT then off to hotel till flight tomorrow. Me and you will be throwing our hands up at Beyonce independent women!
I’m setting off at 10.10am
Your one brave lady and your right it’s what he would want you to do. It will be hard for you to be on the ship but cathartic and perhaps some closure too.Be kind to yourself and let those tears flow they’ll help wash away the pain and hurt .Make new memories to add to the old xx. My appt is at 11am having to set up a trust fund for his grandchildren with myself and the solicitors as trustees and I need to review my will . Safe journey x
Thank you Shirley and all the best for today. I’m enjoying our morning chats.
You’re welcome xx let me know how the journey went xxx
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Hello Oscar,
I would have thought that would have felt a little strange for you.Did you ever ask Pat directly or just let it go.Music is incredibly expressive,I think you should write a song for her you could say exactly what you want and I think it would do you good to create something for her.Have you any ideas or will you just sit and let it flow?
Sending caring thoughts to you Oscar.x
Morning Shirley, journey wasn’t too bad, at st Pancras I sat and had a meal and glass of wine at Carluccios, 1st solo meal out. Everywhere was well sign posted and plenty of staff ready to help. I did get on the wrong tube on piccadilly line it was going to Uxbridge but stayed on until Acton town then changed for heathrow. I was exhausted but really felt I’d achieved. Didn’t sleep much last night and it’s round two today check in at airport 7am .
I won’t get WiFi while I’m on board ship I’m going to miss thus site so much I really find it helps me to know what I’m going through I’m not alone.
Bless you what an achievement Graham would be so proud of you. It’s not suprising you didn’t sleep to well your brain would have been in overdrive you might sleep on the plane and that hopefully will help you relax . Enjoy the trip ,keep.a journal it might help when those moments kick in
Take care x
Make new memories enjoy your cruise. Thinking of you and am looking forward to hearing all about it when you get back .You’re one brave lady xx
You are a brave lady, enjoy your cruise 
Thank you Debbie and Shirley I through security and eating s choc cookie think I’ve earned it . X
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Good for you You’ve taken that 1st big step relax and enjoy will be thinking of you stay safe and make those memories x
Good morning but it’s not really those feelings of anxiety have kicked in again . Couldn’t get off to sleep dosed on the settee till 2.22am went back to bed and then slept till after 6am . The house feels empty and sad as do I and I can’t shift those feelings of fear and anguish for the future . I want to cry but the tears don’t come I try and keep busy but the motivation is just not there there’s no purpose to it all anymore. So fed up with feeling this way.I know I can go to my sons to stay but coming back home to an empty house just gets harder and harder. Sorry for rambling on when I’m sure some of you are in a worse place right now x
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